The Office Gets Dubstepped; White People Pop Yo Booties!
Salad UK brings the dubstep to The Office, and I love it. Probably too much. As a white guy, I have zero coordination of the dance floor. But goddamn if this didn’t make my sad little ass giggle, while trying to swing my dong around in something hypnotically horrifying.
Hit the jump for the video.
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Opening To The Wolverine Anime Is Awesome. AWESOME.
Until today, I had completely forgotten that there was a Wolverine anime in the works. This is nigh heretical, since it was written by my lord and saviour, Warren Ellis. The show debuted in Japan last week, and the first episode was centered around when the “New York-based Wolverine discovers that his missing girlfriend Mariko is being held hostage in Tokyo by her father, who happens to be a nasty old crime lord!”
Outstanding.
What’s even better than that? The fucking opening intro. It has everything a geek like me needs. First: it has Wolverine. Already awesome. Then it has a chick in latex. Double awesome. Finally: it has ridiculously sick power metal riffage and noodling tying the entire intro together. If you don’t feel your glands swell from this, there’s a pretty good chance I hate you.
Hit the jump for the video.
Meet Jesus Christ With Super Mario! Creepy Church Alert.
I can’t tell if I think this is awesome, or horribly creepy. A little bit of both. I’ve been saying for a while now that church has gotten pretty fucking stale. If people want to bring some new souls to fucking salvation, they have to up their fucking game. Bishop Paul Ojeda has done just that. At the Austin Power House Church’s Wii Love Jesus event, he brought the righteous Nintendo thunder. Preaching in front of a backdrop replete with Super Mario imagery and Wiimotes, the zaniness doesn’t stop there. No sir. We also got “a guy running around dressed as Mario, kids doing trust falls and lots of fake Wii Remotes.”
Nothing says roping them in young and brainwashing them like using some classic kid-friendly imagery. Back in my day they just used closed doors, allures of candy, and the phrase “It’s going to tickle.”
Natalie Portman Is Topless; Smells Great
Natalie Portman is pregnant and engaged to some choreographer. But before she transforms into a fat housewife she was nice enough to pose topless for this Miss Dior perfume ad. Consider this the final testament of how awesome she used to be. I guess Harvard doesn’t teach you that kids ruin everything.
CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAGE! Yes, the world’s greatest actor turned 47 last Friday, which also happened to be Season of the Witch‘s opening day. Cage had this to say about the combination birthday/premiere:
“I’ve never had a movie open on my birthday before. We’ll see what the movie gods wanna do about it.” (via)
Well *ahem* the movie gods must have been sleeping because SotW got shit reviews (including from me). January is always a dismal month for movies. It’s when studios infamously dump out the leftover projects after awards season is over. But I have a very good feeling about next month’s Drive Angry. VERY good.
So besides bumming on SotW, it’s an exciting week at Cage Match. Yesterday I posted a video on YouTube that was currently unavailable. It’s some rare shit and Devin at BadAss Digest first posted yesterday. I hope you all get a kick out of it. I did. We also get the dish on why Michel Gondry is a moron and a chance to revisit Christoper Coppola’s classic Deadfall on Netflix. Let’s go!
Season of the Witch Is a Silly, Silly Movie; Inspires a Lousy Critic
The long awaited release of SotW came over the weekend. It made a noble $11 million but garnered truly abysmal reviews – including our very own. It currently has a 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and while cruising some of its bad press, I discovered a critic who may possibly be six-years-old. Seriously:
This is the puffy-faced Nic Cage. The one who fights for Christ and Little Debbies and not necessarily in that order. (Editor’s note – WTF does this mean?)
Before the opening credits roll, it’s clear that Season of the Witch should have been called Season of the Which Way out of this Theater?
“I wish I had that big red fist from Hellboy now,” said Perlman. ”But I left it up Guillermo del Toro’s ass.”
His entire “review” is made up of zingers like the ones above. You’ll laugh until it HURTS!
Forsooth! Here’s The Thor International Movie Poster. Asgard Porn.
Marvel Studios has dropped the international poster for the upcoming Thor. Whatever becomes of this movie, the idea of strapping Chris Hemsworth into some armor is nothing short of genius. I know this, because every time my girlfriend sees something from the movie, there are audible squeals of excitement from her.
And me.
Hit the jump for the poster.
Major Female Role In Batman 3 Revealed! Plus Shortlist of Actresses.
I’m goddamn tired of all the Batman 3/The Dark Knight Rises/Bruce Wayne Runs Like Hell rumors. Can we get some concrete fucking casting news? No? We have to rummage through rumors like pigs through shit? Okay, okay. Better than nothing.
Importantly, tonight we may have confirmation of the character of my wet dreams, Talia Al Ghul. Raise the roof!
DEFEAT. 016 – Bullseye Womp Rats
[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction. Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]
Daryl Millar walked through the doors of the cafeteria, toting only his brown-bagged lunch and a growing sense of optimism. But then he saw his two best friends sitting on opposing benches of their table.
Black eyes.
Split lips.
The need for a call to arms.
Wesley Snipes Is Making A Video Game. From Jail.
Listen, the man who played Willie Mays Hayes will always have a pass in my book. Fucking classic. Not only that, but who hasn’t thought of Wesley Snipes as a visionary? I know I have. I also know you can’t keep a visionary down. Despite being in jail for tax evasion, Snipes is currently working on a video game. The game, which is called “Julius Styles: The International is being developed for iPhone and iPad, with an XBLA/PSN/Android release planned later. It’s based on the movie of the same name, which Snipes will be filming after his sentence is over in 2013.”
A Wesley Snipes led video game in development, which is then going to dovetail into a movie release after he’s free? I can’t think of any reason this isn’t going to blow our goddamn socks off.
Bulletstorm Disses Halo With Projectile Vomiting Diorama Video. Awesome.
Oh Bulletstorm. God I want this game. Their marketing campaign is fucking outstanding. There are the Bulletpoints bits they’ve been rolling out, and now there’s this. Remember those totally artsy Halo advertisements with the dioramas of the battlefield? Yeah, Bulletstorm and the gurus behind it take aim at those ads. With figurine projectile vomiting. It’s fucking amazing.
Hit the jump for the video.
