Forget farming for gold in World of  Warcraft to transmute online currency into real-time bucks, this dude has it figured out. Ashley Mitchell took on the Gaming Gods and won. Sort of. Momentarily. Mitchell became my hero when he hacked “into a Zynga server, running  popular online card game Zynga Poker” and stole    400 fucking billion of their online betting chips. This man is all sac. The official worth of these chips? A cool $12 million dollars.

Outside of the techno-realm, the worth of these chips is considerably reduced to $300,000. But still, $300,000 is a lot of god damn money. Unfortunately for Mitchell, the dude could only offload a third of those chips, and so it seems he’s going to jail having only been able to parlay his insane Kessel Run into $100,000. Still though. Guy’s awesome.

I’ve never really had much investment in Wonder Woman. Outside of her storyline playing off of Clark in Kingdom Come, and her bad ass neck snapping of Max Lord, she’s never done much for me. This is probably good news, given the details that have come out about the forthcoming Wonder Woman television show. If I was a fan of hers, I would probably be vomiting up blood somewhere.

Head inside for the details.

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As I’ve often told Broseph Rendar, one of my great regrets in life is not being able to rock out to Van Halen as they were huge. Just driving around in some muscle car, totally thinking David Lee Roth is the man and secretly loving his homosexual undertones. Just me, the bros, and maybe some sick ass peel outs in the local parking lots.

One of the ways I’m coping with the fucking snow around this area is using guided meditation to do just that. I close my eyes, and I’m fucking blaring “Feel Your Love Tonight!” while cruising around with my friends. I’m totally still a virgin in high school, and I’m talking ridiculousness about how hot some chick is, while sneaking peeks at the groins of my friends in their tight jeans.

The snow?

I CAN’T WAIT TO FEEL YOUR LOVE TONIGHT.

The cold?

I CAN’T WAIT TO FEEL YOUR LOVE TONIGHT.

The miserable Northeast?

I CAN’T WAIT TO FEEL YOUR LOVE TONIGHT.

Hit the jump and check out the video. Guarantee it helps.

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This is the best thing the Brothers Omega have seen in a long time. Props to my friend Charlie for bring it to my attention. What is this clip exactly?

The Osirian Portal of CZW are clearly the best tag team in years. In the middle of the match, they use some sort of ancient voodoo hypnosis to put everyone under their spell. What follows is simply the greatest thing ever. A fucking breakdancing competition starts. Everyone begins cutting a rug, from the Osirians themselves, to some random fat dude who is probably an amazing and integral part of their promotion.

This is fucking wrestling.

Forget all the homoerotic bullshit of today’s wrestling. What I miss is the homoerotic bullshit of yesteryear’s wrestling. When the characters were fucking characters. Madness! Absurdity! Undead people!  Pharaohs! That’s the sort of shit I’m looking for. Hypnosis and breakdancing and reincarnations of Rerun? If mainstream wrestling was like this, I’d watch it every fucking week. Every. Fucking. Week.

WWE and whatever, stop trying to legitimize wrestling in the wake of MMA. Take it back to this shit. This glory.

Hit the jump to have your mind blown.

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This cab driver in Brazil is more Michael Jackson than Michael Jackson. I have no input for this post except AWESOME.

I loved the original Dead Space. I love the sequel even more. Apparently, I’m not the only one who loves this sequel. No sir. In fact, Dead Space 2 has doubled the sales of the original game. In the first fucking week!  According to CVG:

EA chief operating officer John Schappert said of the game, which released last week: ‘The game launched with a 91 rating, and is approaching 2 million units sold in, with double the sell-through of the original Dead Space.'”

Outstanding.

Alasdair Wilkins over at io9 has some existential nausea for you. The universe? Apparently it is at least 250 times larger than it looks. Does that make no sense to you? Yeah, me either. Until! Until some elucidation:

So just how far can we see into the visible  universe? Since the universe is about 14 billion years old, it seems obvious that we can only see within the nearest 14 billion light-years. But that isn’t quite right, as cosmic expansion has expanded the distance between us and the most distant cosmic objects to as much as 45 billion light-years. That means that there’s just about 90 billion light-years worth of visible universe that we can see.

But even that can’t compare with the full size of the universe. Of course, if we can’t see part of the universe, then we can’t actually know anything about it, because no other information will have had time to reach us either. But the trick is that the structure of the universe we are able to see can reveal its overall size. Basically, the universe can have one of three structures: a closed shape like a sphere, a flat shape, or a completely open one. Either of the last two would mean the universe is infinite, but a closed spherical shape would mean the universe has a definite volume.

[cont]

…here’s what they found – in all likelihood, the universe is flat, which means it has an infinite size. But if it  is a closed sphere, then we have a lower limit for its size, which is about 250 times the size of our visible universe. Obviously, 250 times to infinite is a pretty big range, but it’s by far the tightest constraints ever put forward, and having an actual lower limit for the universe’s size could prove hugely useful in other areas of cosmology.

The nausea! The nausea.

This, my friends, is just another moment in the greatest gaming marketing campaign of all time. The dudes behind Bulletstorm have released a playable Call of Duty parody. For free. Right here. Download it. It’s fucking hilarious. It features a rather amazing deconstruction of the Call of Duty formula, through the mouths of all the cliched cats you come across in the game. I love me some Call of Duty, but I was fudging me cheeks while rocketing through the four minutes.

Don’t want to download it? Hit the jump for a video of the parody.

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Ok, you mugs. Welcome to another round of Cage Match, the internet’s all-nude column devoted entirely to Nicolas Kim Coppola. Oh, you didn’t know that is the original name of Nic Cage? Then you’re not reading Cage Match enough, idiot.

This week have news about Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Drive Angry, and Cage’s meeting with a diplomat. Also, Nic Cage pinball, the lowdown on Cage’s intense role research for Leaving Las Vegas, and a weak bit from Conan O’Brien. Let’s do this.

Baffling Turkish News Report on the Set of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and Plot Synopsis Revealed

Harry from AintItCoolNews posted this really bizarre video from a Turkish news broadcast that contains some footage from the set of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. It’s a lot of Cage climbing on rocks and Zorro doing front flips. WUT? I couldn’t figure out how to embed it so you’ll have to click on the AintItCool link above to watch it. Whoops!

In more exciting and comprehensible news, the heads at ComicBookMovie found the sales synopsis for Ghost Rider. I don’t know nuthin about Ghost Rider’s mythos but it sounds awesome to me: Get pumped.

“It has been several years since making a deal with the Devil and Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage), living in self-imposed isolation, finds himself as the only person who can help save 10-year-old Danny — and ultimately the world — thanks to his unwanted and uncontrollable power — his ability to transform into the hell-on-wheels monster known as The Ghost Rider”

Get pumped.

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I’m quite often forgetting that we’re getting ourselves a sequel this year to Arkham Asylum. Righteous. There were some new screens dropped today that have kindly reminded me of this fact, through propaganda pieces and the obligatory huge-chested female character.

Interested? Hit the jump.

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