Face of a Franchise: Holy Handmaidens!
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
The Star Wars prequels were unmitigated disasters. Any attempt to debate this truism will be met with a polite request to leave OL. A refusal to do so will result in an introduction to the Midichlorian Masher – a butt-paddle we bought at the local state college’s annual auction of confiscated contraband.
Don’t tempt us.
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Abrams’ Speilbergsploitation Falls Short
Super 8, the latest effort from J.J. Abrams’ mystery box, is a blend of alien invasion, coming of age, and learning to let go films wrapped up in a glossy, nostalgic shell. The problem is, it never comes close to pulling off any of these narrative instruments completely. It never settles on what it wants to be and muddles through a lot of the narrative to shift to the next set piece. The alien invasion aspect is never given any high stakes that feel real. The coming of age bits are ham fisted. And the letting go element comes up empty with no real emotional depth to it. But, just like Star Trek, Super 8 looks damn good.
Friday Brew Review – Julian Hard Cider
American as apple pie.
Well, that’s pretty good. Apple pie is warm and delicious and the basis for one of my generation’s greatest dick jokes. But I think we can do better.
American as apple cider.
This is certainly a step in the right direction. Drinking apple cider conjures up heartwarming memories of New England autumns – going to the county fair, roaming the `ole pumpkin patch, bundling up against the brisk breeze. Maybe just one improvement can be made…
American as hard cider.
There we have it! Perfect! Take all those awesome apple connotations, swirl `em around with the autumnal remembrances, and then cast a fuzzy jubilation over the whole damn thang. Is there really anything more American than apple-cum-booze? Perhaps apple-cum booze, but that’s a whole different story, filled with tears and therapy sessions.
Press Start!: It’s E3. Gimmicky Controllers, TVs, and Franchises.
Press Start!, the week of E3. There was a time when E3 was a wondrous occasion. Those days are gone now, like leaves from a tree. With the advent of the Internet, everything is known weeks prior. Secrets exposed, dissected. Shit is passé before it’s even revealed. Take for example Nintendo’s Wii U. While I’ll admit that seeing any new console in motion gets me up, it would have truly blown my asshole out if they could have kept the entirety of it secret until the conference.
With that in mind, let us not spend the entirety of our fleeting brain-focus-capacities on regurgitating the quasi-reveals and appreciable moments of the Big Three at the show. Let us instead turn our ADD-addled brains towards shooting the shit about the show. Deal? Press Start!’s usual conceit is pressed pause in lieu of some geek spit.
Mark Millar Leaves Marvel To Do Solely Creator-Owned Work. Whatevs!
Oh I’m getting snarky now! Mark Millar was a favorite writer of mine for a long, long time. His work on The Ultimate, and Old Man Logan will forever go down as cherished stories of mine. Recently though, he’e been focusing on creator-owned titles, and frankly I find them all to be crappy schlock. With all this emphasis has come a weakening of his Marvel swag, and my love for his present material has decayed.
He’s leaving for only creator-owned work. This could cut two different ways.
Spanish Police Arrested Three In PSN Hacks, Viva La Spain Or Something.
The Mega-Police-World-Wide-Search-Ninjas have finally stapled down three people involved in the PSN hacks. This is all thanks to the Spanish Police, no doubt taking top secret orders from the robots who control the World Economy and run Sony.
‘Call of Duty’ Creators Working On Sci-Fi Shooter. Frak Yeah!
Jason West and Vince Zampella are the creators of Call of Duty, and also the two heads who got jettisoned out of Infinity Ward last year in that enormous story of subterfuge and corporate espionage. The two of them have rallied by creating Respawn Entertainment, and we’re finally getting word of their first game. A sci-fi shooter. Fuck yes.
Damon Lindelof Writing A Sci-Fi Movie For Disney. Ending Sucks! LOL.
Snark aside, I really like Damon Lindelof. Despite the fact that the ending to LOST sucks, and he acted like a douche on Twitter when George R.R. Martin pointed this out to him. This makes the fact that he’s writing a sci-fi movie for Disney very, very exciting.
New Class Of Supernova Discovered. Space Swoon!
There’s been a new class of supernova discovered. These sexy new entries into the catalog of Man’s Knowledge live-longer and burn brighter than the previously known novae. Resisting Energizer Bunny Joke.
Nintendo Stock Drops After ‘Wii U’ Reveal.
Despite dropping the ‘Wii U’ on the very expecting asses of the gaming public, worst secret ever, Nintendo’s stock has been dropping this week. I don’t see why! Revealing a console with no first-party games, a gimmicky tablet controller, and footage of third-party games culled from footage from the other systems is a recipie for rock! Not!
