Monday Morning Commute: The Mediocre One
Hello there, fellow drone-bees! The workweek is upon us yet again, and we once again find ourselves hiding our true desires behind dead-skin masks. For forty hours a week, even the strongest and most original amongst us assume the personae of the tired and damned. In these times, we are nothing if not the hollow shells we’ve worked so hard to fill during off-hours.
Gatsby is jolted in the middle of the night, awakened by the American nightmare that sees him whimpering ,”Gatz…Minnesota…Dan Cody…”
Draper drinks and screws and sells himself into a life of luxury, and yet cannot shed the skin of Whitman’s despondency.
Kent writes the headlines that Superman inspires, but Kal-El will never get over the fact that he is the last survivor of a doomed lineage.
In spite of our most transcendental aspirations, there will always be forces working to keep us tethered to the material realities. And the most formidable of these forces is the bastard-thief known as the workweek. So there’s any hope of saving ourselves, we’ve only got one option.
We must remove our entertainment-swords from their scabbards and use them to slit the throat of the bastard-thief.
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Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! I’m going to show you the various bits of entertainment I’ll be using to preserve my spirit during the workweek. Your task, should you feel up to it, is to hit up the comments section and show off the ways you’ll be keeping your heart alive.
Let’s do this!
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FIGURED OUT: Why Astronauts Crave Spicy Food In Space. Thank Goodness.
The latest Mystery of the Universe has been figured out. When astronauts get their lucky asses up off this here Blue Marble, they begin to crave spicy foods. It seems that people didn’t know why, but they ever asked me and I would have explained it to them. They’re closer to Martian brain-wave manipulation. Obviously. Don’t buy my explanation? Some deceiver scientists offer a different one.
Video: ‘Movie: The Movie’ Is Star-Studded Semi-Humorous Hollywood Back Patting
You’ve heard about the video already, no doubt. Jimmy Kimmel drummed up pretty much every actor in Hollywood for a 9-minute trailer for Movie: The Movie. A deconstruction of every shitty Hollywood trope by the cadre of actors who perpetuates them. It’s pretty funny, but I can’t help but feel like everyone involved is just so totally happy with themselves for making it. I’m projecting. I know.
Hit the jump to check it out.
Video: Touch-Sensitive Mario Coin Is The Coolest Lamp. Ever. Maybe?
Pretty swank geek lightning, right hurr. A touch-sensitive lamp that is a living its aesthetic live as an 8-bit Mario coin. Complete with sound effect!
Hit the jump for more info and to check it out.
TRAILER: ‘John Dies At The End’ Is Trippin’ Balls
Last week our own Patrick (Rockadoodle) Cooper texted me that he had finished the novel John Dies At The End. He told me it was deec but that he was still excited for the movie. Being an egregious uncultured asshole, I hadn’t heard of the novel or the movie adaptation. I went about correcting this, and I have since watched the trailer way too many times. Surreal and hypnotic, it seems to be tying directly into the part of my brain that loves the game Alan Wake or the novel House of Leaves.
Review: Binary Domain
It’s difficult to review Binary Domain without getting caught up in the history of third-person cover shooters and how they are typically defined by western developers. Just for you though, I’ll refrain. After all, why would you want to hear my ramblings over how lackluster Gears of War 3 was, or how Quantum Theory is one of the worst games ever spawned from Satan’s shitty asshole? All you need to know is that Binary Domain is one of the most surprisingly entertaining and rewarding games I’ve played in years.
Playboy and Virgin Want to Build A Night Club IN SPACE.
Now I don’t go to night clubs, but this is one I’d kill to attend. A night club in space. This is something out of Neuromancer or Altered Carbon, and that gets my loins writhing.
IMAGE EXPO RECAP: Grant Morrison Has A New Creator Owned, ‘Phonogram’ Is Back. AND MORE.
Image is entering into 20+12 and they seem to be not fucking around. This weekend was their Image expo, and they announced a panopoly of awesome content from a collection of really talented creators. None more titillation to me than my Scottish Alien Lord, Grant Morrison.
Trailer: ‘Mass Effect 3’ Live-Action Trailer ‘Fight’ Leaks. Woop!
Apparently there’s supposed to be the reveal of a new Mass Effect 3 trailer tonight during Walking Dead. Thankfully it has leaked ahead of time, sparing everyone the punishment of watch that show, which is the consummate of ass. Trailer’s pretty dope, too.
Hit the jump to check it out.
