‘TOP GUN 2’ To Come Out Before ‘MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 5’…Oh Yeah Totally Makes Sense.
How the hot shit across a cold piece of bread does this make any sense. Some Paramount executive-cock fart has informed the world that before M:I5 will come Top Gun 2. Why follow up on the best installment in a franchise when you can recook a homoerotic Cold War propaganda flick?
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The ‘WII U’ And ‘3DS’ Getting Downloadable Games. OH SHIT, Welcome to 2007.
Nintendo and Apple have to be hanging out, stroking each other’s hog. They’re both masters of announcing shit like it’s something innovative and ass-tingling despite having already been done. In this case, Nintendo is all, “Hey, you can download New Super Mario Bros. 2 this summer!” and mentioning the Wii U will support it as well. Yeah, whatever. Passe!
Twenty-Fourth JAMES BOND Flick to Drop In 2014; Will Danny Craig Be In It?
Now that MGM is done being bankrupt and shit, Sony and them are eager to start churning out the Jimmy Bond flicks. Skyfall is dropping this year, and if they have their way they’ll be rolling one out in 2014. The only question is whether or not Daniel Craig will be back as the Man himself. If there’s a good Lord or Two above, they’ll get it done.
THIS WEEK on Game of Thrones: “Garden of Bones”
The first time we see a Free City of Essos, far from the territories subject to the Iron Throne, we learn that the area surrounding its gates is called the ‘Garden of Bones’, so named for all those denied access to Qarth, left to die outside its walls.
More grim still, is that Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones takes that title for its name as well. Viewers everywhere seemed to agree, the episode proved this world is becoming almost unbearably dark. The name ‘garden of bones’ juxtaposes an implied beauty or serenity — life — with the reality of death, the physicality of death; all that remains after life is gone, and Sunday was all about coming to terms with death.
Paul Sizer Avenges…MINIMALIST STYLE, FOOL!
The Avengers drops next week, and if you ain’t goin’ kooky-bananas then I don’t think this website is the place for you. Seriously.
After all, every single member of Spaceship OL has been pounding Red Bulls and speculating about this flick until passing out from exhaustion. Hell, just this morning I saw Caffeine Powered stroking his beard and swinging a hammer he stole from Pop’s tool-box, all while screaming at a geriatric crossing guard. If I recall, some key phrases from the public castigation included “Return to true-form, wretched Skrull-Bitch” and “Where’s Bucky!?” and “Beware Midgard racists, for Nick Fury is the manifestation of Smooth-Dancin’ Danger-Babysitter’s greatest dreams!”
True story.
Anyways, Paul Sizer created a minimalist poster for The Avengers that kicks maximum gamma-irradiated butt. Hit hyperspace and check it out!
The Meming of Life – Sudden Clarity Clarence
Not to be confused with last week’s insta-classic, Conspiracy Keanu, our lil’ buddy Clarence has been creating quite the stir as of late on the interwebs with his moments of pristine clarity. While older brother Keanu is much more philosophical in nature and more paranoid, Sudden Clarity Clarence is a bit of a coming of age story. A young man thrust into the cold cruel world, forced to draw his own conclusions about life, love, and happiness.
LISTEN: Melodies Of ‘MASS EFFECT 3’ In One Gorgeous Rendition
Whatever you want to say about Mass Effect 3, I think its safe to say it featured some gorgeous music. Especially Clint Mansell’s haunting piano score, which for some reason was horribly underused. Singer Malukah has taken that jam along with other melodies and turned it into a goosey-bumpy song. Fitting tribute to 99% of an awesome game.
WATCH: MIT Wizards Hack Electrical Grid, Play TETRIS On A Building.
Oh, those wizards at MIT. You have to love them, for they can do things that simply make my ass ache. I spend my days jacking it and posting articles for you, my friends. They hack electrical grids and play Tetris on buildings.
Hit the jump to behold.
Half-Mile Sized SNOWBALLS Hold It Down In Saturn’s Weirdest Ring
Getting my learn on today! Watch in amusement as I don my Thinking Cap – shaped like a giant phallus with built-in glowing veins courtesy of a AAA batter – and learn all about Saturn’s weirdest ring. Come along with me, and learn about half-mile sized snowballs and lurking moons.
‘PROMETHEUS’ MAKING-OF TRAILER Drops New Hotness. Oh God This Movie.
New footage to be had in this Prometheus behind the scenes video. That’s all you need to fuggin’ know. Go. Watch. Be merry. Count the days.
