We know it was coming. We had heard the rumblings that Microsoft’s retarded Kinect was going to cost $150. That’s one-hundred and fifty Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers, but now it’s official.

via kotaku:

Microsoft’s Kinect add-on for the Xbox 360 will be $150 and come with a copy of Kinect Adventures when the motion controller hits stores in November, the company said today. Kinect games will sell for $50 each.

Oh goody! The Kinect games – which are tantamount to pantomiming like an asshole, will be ten bucks less than regular 360 games. That’s still fifty Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers to look like a tool.*

*Yes, I’ll still probably be buying this piece of shit. As always, I am part of the problem.

This dude is my new hero, a benchmark for modern culture, and an athlete of epic proportions.

via destructoid:

There’s a new gold standard for heroism in the world. A man was able to nab not one, but two Xbox 360s from a Beavercreek, Ohio Best Buy while carrying a diaper bag and a real live baby! I’m sorry, but that kind of brazen feat deserves a golf clap.

The mystery man, described as 6ft, 250 pounds and balding, grabbed two consoles and lefts with them under his arm while carrying the child. He then got into his Kia Spectre and sped off, allegedly without even securing the baby in its seat. Although on the surface this looks like bad parenting, we can’t rule out the fact that the baby was in on the scam, and possibly the brains of the operations.

Good damn damn and a golf clap to this man! The economy sucks! He’s probably unemployed, dismissed by The Man from wherever he works. How the fuck else is he going to be able to co-op on Xbox Live with his buddy from the same room when Halo: Reach drops? Tell me fucking how! It’s bad enough his old Xbox 360 fucking RROD’d and he couldn’t afford to ship it out for repairs.

This man is simply a product of our system. And I like him.

When is $100 million in development costs fucking chump change? When it’s invested in something that could rake in a billi! One billion fucking ducats, yo!

via kotaku:

The Wall Street Journal puts StarCraft II’s development costs above the $100 million mark, but Activision Blizzard boss Bobby Kotick says the investment will eventually bring in between $500 million and a billion dollars for the publisher. In profit. Yes, building a new StarCraft game and an all-new Battle.net service takes money to make money, but with international subscription fees, a $60 retail price in the States and two more expansions in the works, a billion starts to sound conservative.

I actually don’t know how much the average blockbuster costs to make, but I’m still impressed at the price of the game and the amount that they’re projecting this son of a bitch is going to rake in. I mean, why the fuck not? Starcraft and Diablo II are still being played religiously, why won’t this shit be around in a decade? I mean, aside from the obvious forthcoming zombie apocalypse, or the robot apocalypse, or the foreseeable Arachnid Uprising of 2012. But say zombies or arachnids or robots love playing Starcraft II?

That’s fucking cheddar, yo.

Apparently the 360 dashboard is getting a redesign, soon? Tipped off by Logic Sunrise, Kotaku commented on it today. I have extremely undiscriminating eyes, and because of that, I struggled to figure out what exactly had changed. Thankfully the dudes at the K-Otaku spelled it out for me:

via kotaku:

The changes seen in the images include slightly smaller text for the menu options and presenting the sub menu as a series of side-by-side images rather than images that drop away from the screen.

Well, there you go! Are you satisfied? Hit the jump to get a bunch of new unthrilling pictures of the redesign.

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Kinect games are going to be in purple boxes.

What the fuck is this bullshit, pendejo! More proof that Kinect fucking sucks: purple boxes. What the frak?! Everyone knows that the green cases were an obvious homage to one thing: Mountain fucking Dew. Or as I call it, the x-treme nectar of the gods that I pound in limitless excess during a gaming session. So what is this bullshit?! Purple?! This is kiddie Barney the Dinosaur dogshit! Or dinosaur shit, rather!

How dare they anger Lord Caffeinus, purveyor of all gaming and x-treme and totally wicked behavior! There’s an ass-smiting coming, and Microsoft is on deck.

How do you bring together hardcore gamers and the most ballingly casual system out there? Fuggin’ Metroid: Other M. And if yesterday’s opening cinematic got your Kubrick all sweaty, then today’s gameplay is going to get your fingers twitching. Metroid: Other M is officially the next game I’m sweating with the unreluctant, unfettered passion of an aggravated Mel Gibson. Rimshot, offended groan.

Hit the jump and get down wit me, yo.

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Team Ninja has dropped the beginning cinematic for Metroid: Other M that features “the birth of Samus”. Now, this is cool unto itself, but it is even cooler that said birth is appreciably similar to one of my favorite movie of all time’s ending, 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Are you pumped for Metroid: Other M? No? Then you’re a douchebag. Sry! Team Ninja’s crack at Metroid looks like seven-thousand flavors of awesome. And if you’re wondering what awesome tastes like? Like your favorite sexpot covered in caffeine syrup. Or at least, that’s what it tastes like for me.

Hit the jump and check out the trailer. And be excited. B-e excited.

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I’m extremely fucking stoked for Vanquish. The shit is the first game from Shinji Mikami, creator of Resident Evil, and executive producer of pretty much everything awesome and Capcom: Devil May Cry, Dino Crisis, Viewtiful Joe, and the SNES version of Aladdin. This is his first game for Platnium Games, the studio that brought us Bayonetta. If you were within the OL halls last spring, you’d know that I like Bayonetta. A smidge. And after finding out last week we’re getting the game this year!, the only thing that could make me more excited is praise from over gaming heroes of mine. Well, here we go!

via destructoid:

Insomniac Games loves Vanquish, apparently, with one developer calling its “Gears of War on crack.” Three staffers named Platinum Games’ exciting cover-based shooter as they favorite E3 title, and considering how awesome it is, I can hardly blame them!

“It’s a brilliant technical showpiece from the creator of the original Resident Evil and the director of Resident Evil 4 — my favorite game of all time,” says community specialist Paul Featherstone. “It plays like Gears of War on crack and looks absolutely gorgeous.

“Platinum is knocking it out of the park after Bayonetta — hopefully we will see more frequent high-quality releases from them in the next few years.”

Hell to the yes. I want me some super-psycho, over-the-top, Gears of War on crack. Yes please.

Some fucking dorkus malorkus on the internet posted this video of him deleting his World of Warcraft characters. Apparently he’s played the game a shitload, and he’s like, lonely and stuff:

via kotaku:

Internet person haiksterbnh   spent nearly five years of his life playing World of Warcraft, clocking over 24,000 hours. He created a Level 73 Shaman and a Level 80 Priest. But after “having no friends…at all”, he made an important decision.

In a video he posted on YouTube, the 34-year-old haiksterbnh is apparently giving away all his in-game items and deleting his characters. Sure, he could have sold his account, but deleting everything seems far more cathartic.

What a dumb fucking move. Maybe I’m a hater, but this is how I see it. Haikster-guy, if you’re a 34 year-old guy and you have no friends, deleting your characters isn’t going to save your social life. In fact, when you wake up the next morning without our purples and your phat loots, you’re probably going to barf blood as you fire off an e-mail to Blizzard begging for restoration. WoW didn’t kill your social skills, and you probably just lost your closest group of friends. Who cares if they’re on the internet, tangibility is so 20th Century.

Hit the jump to watch this guy make the biggest mistake of his past ten years or so.

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[deviant art via kotaku]

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Take that, Batman! Maybe when you spy on Wonder Woman and Superman, they’ll just engage you in some ethical debate. But Donkey Kong? Fuck that shit! He knows you videotaped him masturbating to one of Princess Peach’s scarves, and he’s mad as fuck. Prepare to get served.