Boom! Hell yeah, fuck you Microsoft! That’s essentially what Square Enix president Yoichi Wada is saying. Dude is droppin’ verbal landmines at the feet of all those goofy ass douchebags dancing in the Microsoft Kinect promos:

via destructoid:

“I missed Microsoft’s conference. Having said that, I think that what they have focused on for Kinect is very interesting and I hope they will attract an even wider audience,” Wada states. “I would say it is no different from just the Wii.“

Oh shit! Volleys served! Bombs away! I want to give this dude a bro-hug and a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. Chilled, of course. We can be tots buddies for life.

[pixelation | weekly gaming column every wednesday]

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Diablo II turned ten yesterday. Wait, what. Really? Ten years. Jesus Christ. So that wretched, chill-inducing screeching I hear is in fact time being dragged down the corridor all too quickly. Why, it feels like just yesterday I was sitting in my room, covered in a pile of Pepsi cans, trying my god damn hardest to farm Mephisto for ill loots. Caloric intent high. Sleep minimal. Bone marrow? Yep. Laced to to the very core with caffeine.

Then is now.

Now is then.

Diablo II is one of those touchstone games that you can go back to. If you’ve played it. It’s the sort of game you can drunkenly bring up with a pack of friends who experienced it and just smash the red button labeled “Holy fuck, Nostalgic Trip” while buckling the fuck up. In almost no time, the people around you will be awash in a vernacular they don’t understand. “Motherfucking Stone of Jordans” and “Fucking Mephisto runs” and “Dude, dude, remember when the shit I traded for was actually duped, and when I logged in, it was gone?”

It’s deep, yo. Deep within my breastplate of rot. I can’t ever become jaded, Diablo-fueled nostalgia keeps me warm.

A decade ago. Fifty pounds heavier. One worn and gooey virginity card tucked into my pocket. God, was I going to hold that thing forever. Long shitty hair. But still super-pumped. But still super-enthused. About everything. A summer like this. Like any other summer. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The crack. Before World of Warcraft stole my life, there was Diablo II. It cracked my Ridiculous Gaming Sessions hymen. Gouged with a sharp-stick, thrust with ill-intent.

Oh for sure I had played games for ten hours in a row before Diablo II. Oh sure, I had cranked out entire games in a couple of sittings. But fucking Diablo II, yo. That shit wasn’t a game. It was crack. I didn’t just play it. I lived it. Senior year of high school was merely seven hours of diversion before I could go farm Act III for another five hours. The repetitious gameplay giving away to an insatiable need to have better shit. God damn Blizzard. A decade later and the same technique still drives people who play WoW.

The mentality is simple: I need better fake things, and because I need these fake things, I’m going to stay up real late and compulsively play and ruin my real life.

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Here we go. More super awesome talented people with a penchant for the dorky. Japanese beat boxer Hikakin takes the classic themes of Super Mario Bros. and drops them into a tub of beat boxing awesomeness. Hit the jump and get your hip-hip Mario groove on.

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Rez is one of my favorite video games of all time. Trippy, hypnotic, filled with surreal visuals, butt-clenching gameplay, and a ridiculous soundtrack. And this week it was announced that its creator, Tetsuya Mizuguchi has created a spiritual sequel to Rez, called Child of Eden. Fuck to the yes.

via kotaku:

Child of Eden, published by Ubisoft and crafted by Q Entertainment, the development home of Mizuguchi, shares much of the trippy synaesthetic stylings of Rez. They share similar sound effects and play styles. Line up shots that will destroy abstract enemies in an abstract environment by positioning a reticule and then letting loose with musical bullets.

Rez was a third-person musical shooter controlled with a Dreamcast, PlayStation 2 or Xbox 360 controller. Child of Eden, named after the artificial intelligence that lived inside a futuristic supernetwork, does away with the dazzling avatar of the original, putting the player in a first person perspective. The game is also optionally controlled with the PlayStation Move motion controller or Kinect for Xbox 360. But we also saw the game played with a regular Xbox 360 controller at E3, a chance to experience the vibrating feedback so instrumental to the original experience.

Fuck yes! Initially I didn’t cover this, because it was wrapped up in a Kinect promo, and let’s be clear – almost anything Kinect related can siphon the methane out of my farts by sticking its intake valve in my ass, but apparently you can rock out with standard controls.

Trippy visuals? Check.

Awesome Music? Check

Boner? Check.

Now let’s hope they let you use the trance vibrator. In Rez, it throbs with the music. It’s called a vibrator. Figure it out.

The first estimates of BP Spill had it leaking 25,000 barrels a day. Some intrepid dude decided to take the Unreal Engine to show what 25,000 barrels look like. Stacked, and then falling. It’s fucking bananas. Hit the jump and have your mind blown.

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One of the dopest gaming memories I have is Black Friday from 1995. My grandmother took me out shopping for my Christmas present; she lived in Connecticut and was only up for Turkey Day. I browsed the aisles, but I wasn’t fucking around. I wanted Twisted Metal. I took that son of a bitch back home, and giggled all my way to death, destruction, and mayhem. The eerie screams of Sweet Tooth have been haunting me for fifteen fucking years. So the fact that there’s a new Twisted Metal bound for my PS3 has me doing backflips.

via kotaku:

That long rumored Twisted Metal revival from Eat Sleep Play is real and Sony had the multiplayer portion of the game playable at its E3 booth, a vehicular combat game that might offend your sensibilities, but not for its gameplay.

While playing Twisted Metal–that’s the final and straightforward title of the new PS3 game–I ran over dozens of innocent bystanders with my ambulance, aka the Meat Wagon, and launched hospital patients strapped to gurneys, bombs strapped to their chests, at my foes.

It’s been a while since my last Twisted Metal experience, way back to Twisted Metal Black for the PlayStation 2, so coming to grips with the game’s driving and killing controls took a few moments to get used to. But the new game, in which players control factions lead by Twisted Metal mainstays like the insane clown Sweet Tooth and the porcelain faced Dollface, instantly feels familiar.

Twisted Metal for the PlayStation 3 has many of the mechanics from previous entries, with special weapons like lock-on missiles and shotgun blasts scattered around each map. My favorite is the hellfire-like missile that paints a splash damage target on the battlefield just after launch and lets the player choose the moment of impact.

Throw in the fact that there’s going to be 24-player online deathmatch? Holy shit. Let’s party like we don’t got pubes. Shave em and rage, yo!

Totally fucking stoked for Zelda: Skyward Sword? Say word, me too! How about a fucking trailer up in your guts to get your juices flowing even moreso? Yeah, you totally are feigning for that shit. Hit the jump and get ready to rock the fuck out.

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Donkey Kong Country is coming back this year. Fuck to the yes! And not only that, but they’ve got their heads out of their asses (I don’t know who they are), and they’re taking it sidescrolling. Just like this son of a bitch was meant to be. And Retro Studios, the peeps behind the Metroid games are rocking it? Oh good lord, I’m going to blast a barrel of banana juice.

[via eclectic banana: click to enlarge]

HOLY FUCKING SHIT AT THIS METAL GEAR SOLID: RISING TRAILER. Man, god damn Kojima. Just when I thought I could finally dismiss him and MGS as bizarre games as something I’d appreciate but never really get into, this fucking trailer came out. Let me get this straight, I’m going to get to control Raiden as he hacks, slashes, and generally destroys everything in his fucking path? Yes. Yes, yes, yes! I mean, maybe the three-hour cut scenes will be more bearable if at the end of it, I’m doing some straight-up robo-suit ninja-sword killing. I’m fucking sold, again. Fucking Kojima. Hit the jump for the trailer. NINJA TIME.

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