There’s been rumors of Call of Duty adding its own fee for online multiplayer for a good amount of time. So while those fears weren’t completely confirmed in a recent report, there is certainly something to be anxious about. Even if base online Call of Duty will remain free forever, it is looking more and more like there will be a tiered service implemented soon. Kotaku mentions in a new article that analysts at Wedbush Securities feel a new premium level of online gaming will hit in the next three months, and quotes them as saying:

Activision remains a top pick, primarily due to the company’s potential to create and monetize a second tier of multiplayer online gaming for its Call of Duty franchise.

[cont]

We expect this to occur during the first quarter of 2011.

Well, balls. There’s two important pieces of information missing from this speculation. What would it cost, and what would it give you? It is reinforced in the Kotaku article that Bobby Kotick and Activision state you’ll never have to pay for out of the box CoD multiplayer. But if they nerf that to sweet shit and all the decent action lays in the premium service? Well fuck. I already pay for WoW and Xbox Live (yearly). Having to add in a third payment isn’t feasible for me at this point, and I don’t play enough to justify it anyways.

Here’s hoping the rumor isn’t true (but I bet it is), and if it is, that the cost would be negligible (why would it be?).

Thoughts? Hit the comments box.

If you guys aren’t down with my fawning over Bulletstorm, shit is going to get  a bit bumpy around here. The lovefest continues with a second post today. Epic Games has released this absurd trailer, which is centered around Epic Games’ president Mike Capps in the shower. Riffing on the old Saturday Night Live skit “Deep Thoughts”, Capps wonders what goes through the head of someone he kicks off the side of a building.

Absurdity.

Hit the jump for the trailer, which is only the first of (hopefully) many Bulletpoints.

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You have to be a wondrous kind of retard to pull off this stunt. Some dude working at a Chinese factory (apparently) stole a Nintendo 3DS from the production line. Like true wondrous retards are wont to do, he decided to show the world of his egregious theft. There was a video of this by-now-dead-dickhead showing off the wares, but it has been understandably taken down by “user”. Or in other words, before he died, they forced him at blade point to delete it.

Curious as to what it showed? It showed “Super Mario 64 DS being added to the cartridge slot, it seems that the unit is unable to run any retail games, only booting a black screen with the SDK version and memory information (96  steaming hot megabytes of RAM, for those wondering).”

Thrilling!

Want more images of this douche shown off his stolen wares? Hit the jump.

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I was pretty certain that Bulletstorm was the video game equivalent of my soul mate. Now I’m fucking certain. The ESRB released their description of the game, and it is filled with all the wonders and horrors that could come out of my caffeine-soaked skull should I be conjuring my most whimsical desire. Take it away ESRB, you assholes!

During the course of the game, players can consume alcohol and kill enemies in order to receive an Intoxicated Skillshot; the screen turns blurry during these sequences. The dialogue contains numerous jokes and comments that reference sexual acts, venereal diseases, and having sex with one’s mother.

Alright, we’re already on our way to a juvenile fluid-fest of my most fervent nocturnal emissions. But it gets better. Take it away, puerile masters!

The names of some Skillshots are infused with sexual innuendo (e.g., Gag Reflex, Rear Entry, Drilldo, Mile High Club); one Skillshot (i.e., Fire in the Hole) allows players to shoot at enemies’ exposed buttocks.

It’s official. This game is offensive. Awesome. Juvenile. Awesome. Insane. Awesome. I can’t fucking wait.

Via.

Hacker GeoHot has done gone and released the soul of the PlayStation 3 to the public. According to Joystiq, Geo “says he has released the PS3’s METLDR root key to the public, which allows access to the PS3’s loaders, and reportedly could be used to allow any unsigned code to be run on the system.”

This shit already sounds diabolical, right? I wasn’t really sure what a root key was, and Joystiq made it sound pretty cool. But I figured there was someone who could break this shit down even further for me! And ideally you. Luke Plunkett over at Kotaku goes deeper into what this means for the PS3, elite hax0rz dudes, and you:

The root key is a signature of sorts, that lets the PS3 know that the program that’s about to run on the console is a legitimate piece of software. If it’s now out there, then once people start messing around with it, they’ll be able to whip up anything – be that custom software or pirated games – and trick the console into thinking it’s OK to load.

Crucially, because this key lies at the very heart of the PS3 hardware itself, it appears that if it has been cracked, it will be almost impossible to repair (even via firmware updates), as altering the existing key would run the risk of rendering all existing PS3 software inoperable.

Well then! That’s some heavy shit. I wonder if GeoHot realizes that a crack team of Sony ninjas are already on their way to his house, about to eliminate him from the face of this blue marble.

This year was fucking fantastic in the world of Donkey Kong. Steve Wiebe and Billy Mitchell. The day that Billy Mitchell was inducted into the International Video Game Hall of Fame, he took back the world record in Donkey Kong. How fucking bad ass is that? If Mitchell is the Darth Vader of video games (gorgeous, righteous, will choke a bitch), then that was his Empire Strikes Back. But regular dude Steve Wiebe wasn’t going to take that shit sitting down. No sir. He knuckled down and defeated evil. Back and forth. Good and evil. The eternal struggle.

Well, guess what fanboys. Steve Wiebe is willing to teach you the inner workings of the Donkey Kong. For a price. According to Joystiq, Chicago’s Logan Hardware “has hired Wiebe to not just teach a Donkey Kong class, but also to spend nearly five hours attempting to best his own high score on January 15.” How much does that shit run? Twelve bucks.

That’s it? To learn from a legend? Holy shit, sign me up. This is like Luke teaching you the fucking Force. Sure you’ll never be able to save the galaxy, but maybe you can glean enough to persuade sexy green space babes to take off their pants. And show you their salacious crumb.

If I was anywhere near Chicago, I’d be down like a clown. I know some may scoff at having to pay, but the guy is just a regular dude. I’d happily give him so money, to hang out, learn some bullshit, and watch him tear it up.

Here’s to another year of jostling between Vader and Luke, some records changing hands, and at the very least: more of Billy Mitchell’s mullet.

Over at Dorkly, they have some riveting letters from the “frontline” of Call of Duty. They are a testament to the world of Call of Duty. Wrought with douchebags jumping up and down (me), blinding themselves with grenades (me) and ultimately repsawning only to get knifed in the back while still too busy swearing (me).

Hit Dorkly for the rest of the epistles.

Via.

Arrrgh! It’s time to reveal the most pirated game of the year: Call of Duty: Black Ops!

Kotaku:

According to a report from BitTorrent news site TorrentFreak, the PC version of Black Ops has been pirated an impressive 4.2 million times. The newest Call of Duty bested Battlefield: Bad Company 2 (3.96 million downloads), Mafia II and Mass Effect 2 to take home the most-stolen crown.

Thieves who own an Xbox 360 did their share in Black Ops stealing, downloading that console version 930,000 times, according to TorrentFreak’s numbers. Dante’s Inferno wound up being the most downloaded Xbox 360 game, with Super Mario Galaxy 2 sitting atop the most pirated list on for Wii owners. Congratulations all around!

It makes sense. Like, you know? The best selling game of the year is also the most pirated. Logic. It does things.

Finally the dream I’ve been waiting to become reality. I don’t want to just feel like a retard while I’m playing World of Warcraft. No. I want to look like one. Alright, you got me. More like one. Now I can with this Kinect hack. Who doesn’t want to waggle their arms, lean forward, lean back, and other things to control their WoW character? Probably everyone! We’re fat, and gelatinous. By and large. We like the sitting.

Hit the jump to see a dude play WoW with Kinect, which makes it look a lot like aerobics.

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I’ve been covering Dream Club Zero for a while. It’s full of amazing things. Stuffing girls’ mouths with sausages. Slapping bugs off their tits. But this newest one is the most amazing/awful. You feed the girls ice cream. However if you “miss”, the girls get ice cream dribbling all over their dumb faces.

I imagine many people will be missing. And jerking. And missing some more.

Via.