Bulletstorm To Feature Gagging, Butt Blasting, Drilldos.

I was pretty certain that Bulletstorm was the video game equivalent of my soul mate. Now I’m fucking certain. The ESRB released their description of the game, and it is filled with all the wonders and horrors that could come out of my caffeine-soaked skull should I be conjuring my most whimsical desire. Take it away ESRB, you assholes!

During the course of the game, players can consume alcohol and kill enemies in order to receive an Intoxicated Skillshot; the screen turns blurry during these sequences. The dialogue contains numerous jokes and comments that reference sexual acts, venereal diseases, and having sex with one’s mother.

Alright, we’re already on our way to a juvenile fluid-fest of my most fervent nocturnal emissions. But it gets better. Take it away, puerile masters!

The names of some Skillshots are infused with sexual innuendo (e.g., Gag Reflex, Rear Entry, Drilldo, Mile High Club); one Skillshot (i.e., Fire in the Hole) allows players to shoot at enemies’ exposed buttocks.

It’s official. This game is offensive. Awesome. Juvenile. Awesome. Insane. Awesome. I can’t fucking wait.