#Video Games
Bungie: ‘DESTINY’ concept art is legit proof of their post ‘HALO’ existence.
A shit load of art and story details from Bungie’s next work, Destiny has leaked. The company could have played it cool, denying the material. You know, brushing off their shoulder. In what is a bit surprising to me, the company has been all like, “Cyeah, that shit is ours. Hope you dig it, dick heads.” Hit the jump for info and images.
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Nintendo charging extra to change channels with the Wii U gamepad. Infinite lulz.
Hey man! The Nintendo Wii isn’t just a late entrance into the HD game. It isn’t just an extravagant joke of a controller. It can also be used to watch television. In a pretty rad twist of synergy, Nintendo lets you use their tablet-controller-thing to change the channels. For a cost! God knows they haven’t already sliced you for an excessive device already. Now you have to pay more to unlock all of its capabilities.
The fee isn’t a ridiculous sum, but the premise itself is absurd.
Press Start: British Turkey God Edition
I’ve not slept much this week. I’ve been consumed by thoughts of an imagined reality. I’ve been filling in the gaps, if you will: fleshing-out video game lore with some disturbing possibilities. Imagine the horror of being an animal trapped inside one of Dr. Robotnik’s murderous cybernetic shells: trained upon killing your only potential savior and being powerless to stop yourself. You try to resist, but the mechanical death-suit overpowers you: contorting and forcing your limbs into committing unspeakable acts.
You gaze downwards in horror at your blood-washed metallic hands: feeding tubes sustain your existence and damn you to a perpetual waking nightmare. As you gaze in horror at Sonic’s desecrated entrails, the suit gives you just long enough to truly absorb the horror of it all, then it contorts your limbs once again: wrenching your frail body towards an even darker purpose. Now you know that your family will die at your own hand.
Three entire g’damn COUNTRIES have their ‘Assassin’s Creed III’ shipments stolen.
Ain’t this a theft! Couldn’t happen here in the bloated Empire. No way. Given our size, stealing an entire country’s worth of Asscreed III would be impossible. It is possible in some dainty, adorable, little countries over in Wherever or Something.
Casey Hudson: Should next ‘MASS EFFECT’ take place BEFORE or AFTER Shepard’s mission?
BioWare’s Lead Satisfied With Himself Director Casey Hudson recently asked if we, the fans, would prefer the next installment of Mass Effect to take place before or after the Shepard Saga. Bro, here’s a fucking option: have some conviction about something. Holy shit. Between polling for Dragon Age 3, changing the ending to Mass Effect 3 (it sucked, but you caving sucks more) and now this, I’m flummoxed. Does the dude have any inspiration? Or is he and the rest of BioWare running around trying to jerk off every fan? I mean, Jesus Christ. I thought the thirteen different play styles they stuffed into ME3 was indicative of them losing their creative way, but this poll is ridiculous to me. Make an excellent piece of software, and leave it to us monkey-minded proles to decide if we like it. Craft a narrative that you find engaging, and then leave it up to us to either agree or disagree with your vision.
NINTENDO BOSS says WII U is start of next console generation. I laugh.
Wii U is the “start of the next console generation” like the Dreamcast was the forerunner of the PS2 and Xbox. Sort of, but not really. That hasn’t stopped that Reggie Meme Generator boss guy of Nintendo from claiming the console features everything from “an overpriced tablet as a controller” to “the ability to not cure cancer.”
Press Start II: Championship Edition.
Some weeks I find myself gazing in despair at my computer screen: desperately hoping that I’ll find enough interesting stories to write Press Start. Some weeks I fail and I resign myself to self-abuse and comfort eating. Not this week, though. This week, being another full of shitty non-news, I thought I’d present you with an alternative.
So here it is: Press Start II:Championship Edition.
XBOX 720: Details spilled in XBOX WORLD. If so, I’m sprung with tech-lust.
I could say I understand the jist of these new details, but I’m just like “oh shit new Xbox details. I don’t understand them with my fat brain, but I know I want it.” Do you understand these details? Are you excited like me? It’s a cucumber in my pants, chill out.
TOM HARDY totally the lead in ‘SPLINTER CELL’ movie adaptation.
Tom Hardy! You can break my back any time you want, bro. You’re quite the berries when it comes to acting. So berries, in fact, that you may be enough to get me to give a shit about a Splinter Cell movie. Ooph, that was a sentence. What about you folks?
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ DLC ‘Mr. Torgue’s Campaign of Carnage’ announced. Has me torqued.
Fuckkk yes! I haven’t even played the first batch of Borderlands 2 DLC, but I’m sprung like hell for this baddie.
