#Video Games
‘THE LAST OF US’ Teaser Trailer: A snippet of malice.
There is a story trailer for The Last of Us dropping soon, and no trailer would be complete without its own teaser. Here is like thirty seconds of gland rubbing to prepare you for actual release.
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Gorgeous ‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ cosplayer gets actual job promoting game.
Good lass Anna Moleva crushed it with some BioShock Infinite cosplay in which she looked eerily similar to the game’s female protagonist. She crushed it so much, in fact, that she has been hired to appear in promotional materials for the title. This is full of win. So, so full. In fact, they had to slit its gills just to stuff more win into the entity.
Press Start: Cave exploring on digital acid
Hello friends, and welcome to another edition of Press Start! For the uninitiated: this is a gathering of stories from the world of video games. I try to pick amusing, or over-looked stories that you perhaps haven’t managed to read because you were so overwhelmed by the amount of map pack release announcements or touching human interest stories about daddy and son waiting in line to pick up their Wii U. It’s enough to make a man sick, isn’t it?
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ Box Art. Got that generic moody white dude swagger.
Oh snap! Hubba, hubba! I had no idea that BioShock Infinite‘s lead was such a looker. Got that typical Nathan Drake swagger to him. It is hard to imagine Ken Levine signing off on this box art, with it being so typical Male Lead Whupping Ass. Aimed to catch the mouth breathers in the aisles! Oh snap! Old salt-and-peppered McGrizzly rolling with a shotty. I’m sold! Whatever. As long as the game is good, I’ll temper my tempest.
Bloomberg says next Xbox is arriving for 2013 holidays. My body is ready!
As much as I like my bank account to bathe in its own minuscule juices, I like new gaming consoles even more. So I’m more than ready to embrace the Xbox-Kinect Excelsior-720-AR wunderkind. I have been ready for awhile. If this report is to be believed, I’ve got myself another year to wait. Whatever. What is another year. That’s like 400 days, or something. 3,000 masturbation sessions, or something. I can handle this.
Final ‘NINTENDO POWER’ cover is sad and touching throwback. Rest easy, my friend.
Fare thee well, Nintendo Power. Even though I haven’t read you since I sprouted pubes, your loss will be felt in my heart. Or not. Actually, it probably won’t. Ever since I started jerking off to Kitana in my Mortal Kombat II strategy guide, I haven’t really thought about you at all. But uh. We had good times. Didn’t we? Sure.
Analyst: ‘CALL OF DUTY’ declining sales are a concern. Me: It’s called oversaturation.
I can’t imagine anyone actually being shocked that Call of Duty is seeing a decline in sales. The son of a bitch is trotted out every year. Weary-eyed, it is set on the ground, while ravenous dickheads like myself snack on its messy innards. There is only so much it can give. A year off would do it good. Such a break would allow for a refreshing of the vibe, as well as allow for some tinkering time. That shit ain’t going to happen, however. No way. You’re better off betting on me spitting teeth into a gaping Unicorn prolapse. It simply makes too much money to abscond for a calendar’s waste. The solution? I got nothing.
Hacker has cracked open ‘WII U’ CPU, and is all like ‘meh.’
I wouldn’t call this a surprise. Everyone and their drunken Uncle who pukes on his own balls at the Turkey Day dining room table knows that the Wii U is an (relatively) under-powered piece of shit. Now the same hacker who put together the first open-source driver for the Kinect has confirmed it by cracking the little piggy open. Rummaging through its guts.
French company dropping refurbished SNES consoles in sexy pastel schemes.
Goddamn! These are gorgeous. Lekki is a French company that will swag you out wit wank-worthy renditions of old consoles. They’re currently tackling the shortage of pastel-colored SNES consoles in the PAL region. Dear French folks, bring me one. I beg you.
Old Ass ‘XBOX 360’ still sees impressive Black Friday sales, increase in XBL activity.
One of the reasons this generation is lumbering on interminably is that the consoles are selling like mofuckahs. Just this past Black Friday, the Xbox 360 was pushing product and sucking more people into the void that is Xbox Live. It’s a bit impressive for a console to be spreading its wings like this, what, six years into its existence?
