Guess what, Dick Grayson is the hottest! I’m glad someone searched Dick Grayson Hottest and found us! Welcome my child, you have found a new home.

In fact, what could be hotter than DICK GRAYSON?! Dick Grayson and Poison Ivy Cumshots! That’s right, someone searched Poison Ivy Cumshots and they were shuttled to our humble inter-abode.

I’m glad that when I think “Ian, you’re so fucked up, why do you find Ivy’s slithering vines so erotic?”, someone else comes along and informs me they’re searching the internet for Poison Ivy getting ejaculate all over her.

And the only way to make this post right, would be by suggesting that the hottest, Dick Grayson, supply the splooge.

Yes, I commandeered a computer powered by Cows and Moonshine to make this post out in central New York. Merry fucking Labor Day!

A final post before a weekend in Cow Country. Or as I call it, “The Great Unblemished.” Far away from the mega-malls and the sprawling vomited forth bastard of the land big box superdepartmentatrons.

I’ll be shaking from withdrawal with the internets by early evening. No 3G network! No continuous opening of Word Press! OMFG. I can’t surf the stream unlimited for nine hours, posting random posts brimming with uber-vulgarity! I’m not kidding, it’s going to be difficult.

Keep Reading »

Keep Reading »

Well, you know how I pioneered the “Supermanfuck!”

If you’ve forgotten, it’s when you’re having sex in the missionary position. And you lay down on your boyfriend/girlfriend, and you put both hands out like you’re flying. Assuming the iconic Superman mid-flight position. It’s brilliant. Still haven’t tried it.

Anyways.

I’m now combining it with my crush of the moment, Christina Hendricks. I’ve decided she’s literally the perfect woman to share your performance of the Supermanfuck with. Why?

Sam and I were watching an episode of Mad Men, and some guy is making out with Joan (her character). And because of her ample bosoms, the dude is literally floating above her. He’s got to be five feet in the air, resting on her cleavage. That’s how much of a bosom this beautiful woman has. And it has hit me, she is perfect for this position. If you can land on top of Christina Hendricks, and you hit the Supermanfuck!, you’ll literally find yourself flying above the most gorgeous woman on television.

You go, Superman!

How the fuck did this shit get by me? I guess I’m not a soda afficinado. In fact, I sort of just grip it and rip it. I’m a junkie, I don’t have time to be investigating. I just need to consume before I get the shakes. I did some interneting today, and came across this:

For the first time in the brand’s history, Mountain Dew is introducing a flavored line extension available exclusively in a diet version.

Diet Mountain Dew UltraViolet, on store shelves for a limited time for 12 weeks beginning August 10, combines the light citrus flavor of Diet Mountain Dew with a refreshing juicy rush of mixed berries without the calories.

The product will be supported with a full slate of TV and radio advertising developed by BBDO NY.

Well anyhoo, I’ve been seeing this shit everywhere now. It’s on all the shelves, and I’m pounding it like a motherfuckah. You have to understand, I drink liters and liters of Diet Dew a day. The ability to throw in a little different taste amidst What Will Eventually Kill Me is fantastic. I recommend this to any fellow diet cola junkie, looking for some variety amongst their addiction. You only have twelve weeks until it’s back to can after can of bland ole Mr. Regular Chemical Death.

You have to love a sensationalistic headline, don’t you?

Infinity Ward posted some CTF goodness over on their official Youtube. Holy shit is this gameplay footage gorgeous.

I’m just kidding about it the headline, though.   Sort of. My brother worked at a summer camp and told me that some kids played CoD and you know, had years to go before their first nocturnal emission. My therapist’s kid plays it, I think he’s thirteen. EVERYONE plays it. It’s universally loved. Like pizza.

[ story via kotaku ]

TODAY IS AWESOME. Today my friend Mr. Google has informed me of something amazing. People have found Omega Level searching for “Harley Quinn Cumshot” as well as “Comic Cumshots”. I hope you guys weren’t doubting me when I said that super horndog nerds have the hots for Harley Quinn. And if you did, I have found my redemption. Welcome to Omega Level, my perverted friend. Anyone who searched for Harley Quinn Cumshot will be a friend of the site.

Forever.

SUPERMANFUCK! Today someone was lovingly corralled from Google to our site via “Supermanfuck!“. What exactly does this mean? Oh, the possibilities! Are they describing the quality of the man fuck? “Oh, I received a super man-fuck last night?”

However, my preferred idea is that this is a sexual position I haven’t heard of yet. Perhaps the Superman Fuck is a position where the lucky party on top, mid-coitus, stretches their arms forward as though they were assuming the classic Superman mid-flight pose. It’s perfect, and can easily be transformed into the Superboy and/or Superwoman fuck. I intend on trying it out asap, I’ll get back to you guys.

MORE SEARCH ENGINE TERMS!

Today shows “Masturbation Cumshots” bringing people into our demented den. However, I’m more impressed   by “Lamictal Cured Me.”

I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME! Just kidding. It really does help. If I wasn’t on it, I wouldn’t be typing this. I’d be sleeping for the fifteenth hour, covered in crumbs, blood and depression. After Batman beat my invalid ass.

Every Time I Die has been one of the few bands whose albums retain unchallenged positions in my personal rotation. Especially in their last effort (2007’s The Big Dirty), ETID combine straight-ahead thrash & paralysis-inducing breakdowns with southern-rock groove & clean hooks to create an irresistible sonic cocktail.

The garnish, of course, is Keith Buckley’s penchant for crafting evocative, powerful lyrics. Buckley’s anecdotes act as supportive frames, giving the listener just enough to imagine a more personal narrative. I’m not sure, but I’d bet that I’m not the only ETID fan who finds himself pondering lyrics such as those found at the end of Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Battery:

Stay wistful and young.
The affected are banking on oblivion
In the drone of embittered hope.
And we’re sold by the way they wrote it.

Oh, it’s the end of the line
I’m cornered by a precedent
The sneering public eye.

It is better to destroy than to create what is meaningless.
So the picture will not be finished…

Or maybe I just give Keith Buckley too much credit because he was a literature student & high school teacher. I don’t know.

In any case, September 15^th sees the release of New Junk Aesthetic. I’ve been looking forward to this album for quite some time and have held my head high despite some more disparaging news (i.e. Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz contributing guest vocals & the departing of longtime drummer Mike “Ratboy” Novak).

My optimism for New Junk Aesthetic is instead rooted in the fact that it was completed before Novak left, providing one last documented recording of the foursome (Novak/Williams/the brothers Buckley) that I’ve learned to love. Further, my love for sweet album packaging is appeased by the stellar artwork of guitarist Jordan Buckley.

Yesterday, Wanderlust was released as the first official video for the new album. I’m still sorting out my feelings about the track, but my initial impression is favorable. That may change. Or it may not. But for right now, I’m going to pump my fist and contemplate the following:

We’ve lived under this dark cloud forever
Waiting for the bad light to break.

Just let me try that one again, with a little more feeling –
We slept at the crossroads together, trying to make an honest mistake.
Just let me try that one more time, without a smile on my face.

Give the video a view and tell me what you think.
Every Time I Die – “Wanderlust”