#Space
Astronomers want US to help name PLUTO’S NEW MOONS. Dewtopia INC.
G’damn! Pluto may not be a planet, but it has got itself some moons. Figure that shit out! Anyways, so yeah. Pluto has moons, and wonderful astronomers have invited us the mouth-breathing flesh masses to help name them.
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STAR WARS – Episode Awesome: A Newer Hope!
It’s a spectacular time to be a Star Wars fan.
George Lucas, perhaps after being visited by some benevolent omnidimensional sojourner, has sold his most beloved franchise. The moment that fans realized Lucas was finally out of the picture, we began to dream. To wonder. To flirt with the idea that the piss-taste that’s been lurking in our mouths since 2005 may very well be washed away. New Star Wars films could be treated with the respect they deserve.
So, what’ve we been promised thus far? A new trilogy. Kasdan and Kinberg. J.J. Abrams. Cameos from members of the original cast. The interest of Hollywood’s finest actors and directors and other personnel. Spin-off, stand-alone movies.
In short, we finally have a newer hope.
Yesterday’s confirmation of the stand-alone flicks was the final nail in the coffin for my cautious optimism. I am now, for the first time in years, reveling in full-on nerdlust at the thought of new Star Wars. And while I have quite a bit of faith that a new trilogy could be beyond excellent, I’ve always loved the idea of free-standing movies taking place within the galaxy that Uncle George introduced back in `77!
Join me as I take a moment to geek-out about the prospect of new Star Wars movies! I’m going to fanboy my way through some of the premises I’d like to see materialize, no doubt getting so excited that my retainer spills onto the keyboard and my Diet Shasta bubbles over. After you check out my ideas, hit up the comments section and describe what you’d like to see during our next voyages to a galaxy far, far away…
Punch it, Chewie!
Neil deGrasse Tyson: THOR’S HAMMER weighs as much as 300-billion elephants.
Neil deGrasse Tyson isn’t really wielding his advanced wizardry when it comes to this factoid. Or maybe he is. I don’t know. Whatever the case, he did some math and came up with the weight of Thor’s hammer. The answer makes me wonder just how the Hulk ever ate a blow from it without spitting green matter everywhere.
A storm on SATURN so frakin’ huge it wrapped around the planet. Blood + Thunder.
How is this for a storm. The wunder-object Cassini has picked up a thunder-and-lightning maelstrom on Saturn that is so goddamn enormous, it wraps around the entire planet. That is some straight not fucking around space right there.
NASA’s next robot moon walker is ATHLETE, promises to elegantly dispose our corpses.
Just build them up! Yes, keep building these beautiful, and elegant robots. Nothing is going to make the robot apocalypse more delicious than momentarily contemplating how we created these versatile killing machines. Ones that now, thanks to NASA, go hang out on the moon afterwards.
This spiral galaxy is totally on edge. Relax, yo. Existence is fun.
Yo, NGC 4945. Relax. You’re on edge. Get it? ‘Cause you’re tilting. Eh, whatever. Here is a pretty awesome picture of the aforementioned galaxy, hanging out a mere 13 million light years away.
Astro-Wizards find enormous river on Mars. Well, it is dead. But still!
So like, when we finally burn out all of Erf’s resources, we are piloting the temporal-rocket to Old School Mars. That’s what we have to do, given that I can’t think of any better solution. Oh, you say we don’t have the temporal-rocket. Well, I have it on good authority those who construct the temporal-rocket will leap back in time, giving us such technology. So we can leap further back. And so on, and so on.
Russia sending probe to the Moon in 2015. Red (Lunar) Dawn!
The Ruskies are sending “a probe” to the Moon in 2015. This can only mean one thing. The Illuminati are considering partnering up with Putin The Tiger Wrangler, in an effort to expedite the secret terraforming of Mars. They will meet him on the Moon to show him the secret launch base. It is obvious. Google it.
New biggest structure in the UNIVERSE too much for our monkey-brains to comprehend.
Shout out to Dave Kendricken of No Film School for bringing this to my attention. I can barely comprehend the concept of time and space interlocking into some wily thing where like, spacemen come back from their journey to find their families dead. So I definitely cannot comprehend the largest structure in the Universe. I can, however, enjoy trying to comprehend my lack of comprehension.
WANT TO GO TO MARS? There is a reality show for that.
Not the first way I would suggest finding space-worthy folk. The Mars One program is searching for people willing to take the journey to the Red (Er, Pale?) Planet through a reality show. Yeah! Nothing like attention-seeking bandits to colonize Mars. Bradbury was right! Isn’t he always?
