STAR WARS – Episode Awesome: A Newer Hope!

A Newer Hope

It’s a spectacular time to be a Star Wars fan.

George Lucas, perhaps after being visited by some benevolent omnidimensional sojourner, has sold his most beloved franchise. The moment that fans realized Lucas was finally out of the picture, we began to dream. To wonder. To flirt with the idea that the piss-taste that’s been lurking in our mouths since 2005 may very well be washed away. New Star Wars films could be treated with the respect they deserve.

So, what’ve we been promised thus far? A new trilogy. Kasdan and Kinberg. J.J. Abrams. Cameos from members of the original cast. The interest of Hollywood’s finest actors and directors and other personnel. Spin-off, stand-alone movies.

In short, we finally have a newer hope.

Yesterday’s confirmation of the stand-alone flicks was the final nail in the coffin for my cautious optimism. I am now, for the first time in years, reveling in full-on nerdlust at the thought of new Star Wars. And while I have quite a bit of faith that a new trilogy could be beyond excellent, I’ve always loved the idea of free-standing movies taking place within the galaxy that Uncle George introduced back in `77!

Join me as I take a moment to geek-out about the prospect of new Star Wars movies! I’m going to fanboy my way through some of the premises I’d like to see materialize, no doubt getting so excited that my retainer spills onto the keyboard and my Diet Shasta bubbles over. After you check out my ideas, hit up the comments section and describe what you’d like to see during our next voyages to a galaxy far, far away…

Punch it, Chewie!


How `bout a Female Force-Wielder?

Frank Quitely's Force-Wielder

Even in a galaxy far, far away women have been relegated to playing second fiddle.

Now, I know that there’re female characters in Star Wars. So don’t let your misogyny-meter is kneejerked into its limit break. But it’s hard to ignore the fact that so much of the movies’ mythos is rooted in the dong-centric. Luke’s quest to redeem the family name sees him confronting the sins of his father. Han and Chewie show us what it means to be best bros. The characterization of Wicket as a relentless womanizer is clearly a cautionary tale. And more progressively, the Threepio-Artoo romance is a rallying-cry against hate-mongers who equate homosexuality with promiscuity.

“What about Leia?!” you cry, wagging your finger in my face. “She’s a woman of integrity and virtue! How can you say that there’re no women in the saga when one of the Rebel Alliance’s greatest leaders is a goddamn princess?!”

Again, I’m not saying that there aren’t women to be found in Star Wars. My point is that it’s `bout time to put a woman at the forefront. `Cause it’s hard to see Princess Leia as wholly empowered when she’s dancing around in chains and lingerie.

Katniss Everdeen and Lisbeth Salander are cool. But they’d both be a lot cooler if they were rockin’ lightsabers and movin’ shit with their minds. It’s about time that we acknowledge the power of the female Force.


Ewan McGregor is Old Ben

Old Ben

It’s not a stretch to see Ben Kenobi as one of the most compelling characters in all of Star Wars. What’s not to love about Kenobi? He’s a kooky hermit whose odd ways make him the subject of the locals’ gab-sessions. Some say he’s a veteran of the Clone Wars. Others swear that he’s a wizard. Still, others swear that they saw him choppin’ up watermelons with a laser-sword.

And this is the angle that needs to be used in a full-length Ben Kenobi feature.

I’ve long maintained that, other than the fans, no one fell victim to the prequels quite like Ewan McGregor. The dude is an awesome actor, and could’ve absolutely killed it as Obi-Wan. But alas, even a diamond loses its luster when baked inside a turd, and Kenobi-enthusiasm was dashed upon the rocks three times between 1999 and 2005. Hell, the last great movie with General Kenobi was released in 1983.

This needs to be changed.

Bring back Ewan McGregor and thrust him into the role of Old Ben. Set this movie between Episode III and IV, and give the viewers a glimpse of the wacky wizard as he settles into his role as Luke Skywalker’s distant-guardian. Hell, the movie could be a veritable of a space-Western, with greybeard-Ben being compelled to help out the Tatooine moisture farmers who’re being pushed around by some gangsters.

This shit would be unreal.


Rodriguez/Tarantino’s Fett


This’ll never happen. Not in a million years. And maybe that’s for the best. But how rad would it be to see Robert Rodriguez and/or Quentin Tarantino tackle a Star Wars movie. While I wouldn’t want to see these guys getting their gritty mitts on an Ewok movie, it’d be interesting to see what they could do with some of the bounty hunters and scoundrels. And with the confirmation that Boba Fett is going to be the subject of one of these new movies, the minuscule possibility of A Band Apart working on a Star Wars movie can live another day.

Mandalorian standoffs all damn day, yo!


Guillermo del Toro Rockin’ Some Goddamn Creatures!

del Toro

I don’t care if it’s for the new trilogy or a stand-alone, but Guillermo del Toro needs to direct a Star Wars flick. Not only is del Toro one of the most passionate directors in the game, but he’s also one of the most unabashedly nerdy. Also, the dude is crazy-talented when it comes to melding the real and the fantastic. Judging from the creatures he’s given us in Pan’s Labyrinth and Hellboy and Pacific Rim, I have no doubt that del Toro could make the Cantina scene look like a documentary about white-bread country club life.


Let’s lay it all on the line – what’re your hopes and dreams for the new Star Wars movies?