Denis Leary is swinging onto the set of the new Spider-Man movie. Puns, ahoy! Leary will be playing George Stacy, father of the inestimably superior Parker love interest, Gwen. Well, until she all gets her neck broken and shit. It’s casting that I wouldn’t have seen coming, but to be truthful, I wasn’t even contemplating Gwen’s family or the necessity of casting them.

I’m cool with it, as long as it doesn’t result in Lenny Clarke getting cast as anything but a corpse in the flick. Leary’s friend seems to be his sidekick, and seems to find his way into things the former is cast in. The problem? He is the anti-funny, eliminating funny within a thirty foot radius of anything he does.

Thoughts on the casting?

Boarding Spaceship Earth during the Reagan administration, my childhood occurred in the early 1990s – an era fortunate enough to be blessed with some wonderful pop culture. Mark-Paul Gosselaar set the standard for high school hipness. Macaulay Culkin was bustin’ our guts with displays of suburban terror. And Metallica was reaching the masses while still saying something worthwhile.

But the best pop culture phenomenon was undoubtedly the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In my day, these anthropomorphic creatures battled the forces of evil in cartoons, movies, comics, and video games – and it all kicked ass! We couldn’t get enough of these guys and their fun-loving ways.

Eventually, however, the TMNT love faded away. And this would have been fine. There’s nothing wrong with taking a backseat and being fawned upon by nostalgic nerds from time to time. But the problem is that the turtles were forced (no doubt against their will) to return to the spotlight in some straight-up bobo renditions.

The most offensive of all the later-day TMNT cash-grabs is Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation. Long story short, this late 90s (*shudder*) live action series hoped to revitalize the franchise by introducing a female turtle. Ugh. Check out the press video below:

The worst part of the video comes as Dan Clark, executive creative consultant, attempts to justify the inclusion of Venus:

She brings balance to the boys’ lives — she brings a feminine influence into the house.

Wait, what the fugg is this guy talking about? Doesn’t he understand a damn thing about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? My generation didn’t love the heroes in a half-shell because they used the martial arts as a means of attaining spiritual enlightenment or holistic balance. No, we loved the turtles because they didn’t embark upon such bogus journeys. Instead, they used karate to beat the shit out of bad guys and impress hot newscasters.

And what did they do when they weren’t beating ass? They ate pizza, went clubbing, and skateboarded. In other words, it was a total bro-fest.

And it was glorious.

Get out of my face with that Venus de Milo shit.

Rumors regarding the next Batman movie make my fucking world go round. Keeps me spinning, baby! Or, at least, they pass the time. A few moments of diversion. The latest rumor to vomit out from underneath some rock? Tom Hardy, who has already been cast in the movie, will be playing Batman villain Dr. Hugo Strange.

Forgive me, fellow geeks, I had no idea who the fuck that was. Thankfully, Slashfilm did me a solid.

Slashfilm:

The latest rumor is that Tom Hardy, who we know has been cast in the film, will be playing Dr. Hugo Strange, a possibility that has been discussed in the comments of almost every single one of our Batman posts. In the comics, Strange is a genius, mad scientist who becomes obsessed with Batman, learns his secret identity and ends up dressing up like him.

Well then. It would work for me. They’ve already undertaken the idea of exploring a Batman impostor, or the concept that his identity could be co-opted by someone else. And for what it’s worth, take a look at Tom Hardy from Bronson. Despite giving me a boner from his sheer sexiness in Inception, the dude can play creep well.

Very well.

I like this rumor   a lot.

The Green Lantern Trailer is finally upon us, after last week’s cockteasing from Entertainment Tonight. I’ll divide the trailer into two distinct halves.

The first is Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds. Not only is Hal Jordan apparently written like another Reynolds douchebag cast-off, which he isn’t in the comic books, but Reynolds himself is just doing his same old thing. He isn’t inhabiting a character, he’s draping his schtick over a mythos. Let me be clear, the parts where he’s acting fucking suck, and my dick shrinks a little bit.

Also, Blake Lively, I’m glad to see you dispell any sort of notion that you could act that you may have given us in The Town.

The second is that the epic bullshit that goes down in the trailer really snagged my geek balls. Like, I dug on it a lot. The whole flying through space thing? Sweet. Seeing Oa? Sweet.

Unfortunately, Reynolds Being Reynolds As Jordan has smashed apart any sort of expectations I may have had for the movie. I’m hoping I’m wrong, and that as he matures through the movie he’ll become something resembling anything other than Hey Guys I’m Ryan Reynolds.

Hit the jump to check out the trailer. Then hit the comments box with your thoughts. I’m very interested to gauge the response from you guys.

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Entertainment Tonight is going to drop the first Green Lantern trailer on our asses next Tuesday. This is ahead of it premiering with part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Well!, being in the time we live in, there’s a teaser trailer for the trailer that is going to air on Entertainment Weekly. A box inside a box inside a box inside a box, or something?

Off the cuff impressions? I didn’t like Ryan Reynolds as the Green Lantern when he was cast. And I dig the dude in the right role. This teaser? It’s miniscule, and far from enough to judge with, but since I’m going to anyways? Not digging his delivery. It isn’t Hal Jordan, it’s Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds, as he is almost always wont to do.

Hit the jump to check out the trailer. And then hit the comments box with your thoughts and impressions on what can fairly be described as far too little to judge something with. [But let’s do it anyways.]

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Apparently, there’s two major female roles that Christopher Nolan is currently casting for the next Batman flick, The Dark Knight Rises. One of them is going to be a love interest, and the other is going to be a fucking villain! Good Jesus Christ, could Talia al Ghul really be entering Nolan’s Batverse? Pepsibones and I are silently splooging at the possibility.

Anyways!, want the short list of actors Nolan’s allegedly looking at? That’s why you’re fucking here!

io9:

Rachel Weisz
Naomi Watts
Blake Lively
Natalie Portman
Anne Hathaway
Keira Knightley

Thoughts? Reactions on the list? I’d be like a fucking pig in shit if they could pull Portman or Weisz into the goddamn Batman’s next flick. Anne Hathaway? Eh. Blake Lively? Meh. Keira Knightley? Fuck now. Hit the comments box with your own feelings. Get inside yourself, and fondle around for a reaction.

Narrative is the most powerful tool on the planet.

From personal anecdotes to sprawling epics of adventure, storytelling is the means by which the human race has made sense of existence. Which is important, because the human condition, when one takes the time to really break it down, is nothing short of baffling. We are evolved primates, cruising around the sun on a space-rock that hits 67,000 mile per hour, using technology we don’t even understand, and participating in societies founded by our ancestors. It’s goddamn insanity.

And I love it.

But what really gets me amped is the idea that art can help dispel the notion that the universe is nothing more than a giant abyss of nothingness and meaninglessness. It might be — I don’t know, I’m neither a philosopher nor an astrophysicist. But as I get older, I can’t kill the feeling that there are greater forces at play than I can ever possibly conceptualize or articulate.

Before words are put in my mouth, let me forewarn: I’m not declaring a newfound belief in God or revelation about the afterlife or some shit. My agnosticism is strong. What I am saying is that it’s pretty heavy to think of how much our lives can be changed, directed, and enlightened by stories. And what’s even heavier is the fact that, whether by clandestine design or sheer coincidence, there are connections amongst the storytellers, the viewers, and the content.

I have ascended The Holy Mountain and can attest that it is a strange, wonderful place.

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Slashfilm has posted a shit load of pictures from the upcoming Captain America movie. These latest puppies showcase Hydra tanks from the battle of Something Something Top Secret during the second World War. Get ready comic book geeks! I instruct you to do your job and inspect these pictures. Comb the tanks for inaccuracies, and then post about them at Ain’t It Cool! It’s your duty. But you already knew that, you assholes.

Hit the jump for the pictures.

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The final trailer for Tron: Legacy dropped yesterday, and it’s fucking stupendous. I didn’t think I could be any more excited for this movie. I mean, I’ve gone over the reasons that it’s going to inspire a back-aching boner in my nerd loins. It’s got technogadgets, hot ass women in latex, the Dude, and action sequences. Well. Yesterday’s trailer featured even more chicks in latex, some plot points, but most importantly, action beyond what I even expected. I need to see this movie.

Hit the jump for the final trailer.

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[Source: io9, Click to Enlarge.]

Back in 1978, the man behind the stature of Vader, David Prowse dropped a bombshell on an adoring crowd in Berkeley, California. He revealed that he was, in fact, Luke Skywalker’s father. The crowd went bananas batshit about the information. The most impressive part? The dude was probably full of shit.

As everyone knows by know, even George Lucas didn’t have a fucking clue who Luke’s father was. His father’s identity was bandied about, and for a while it was considered to be Obi-Wan. In fact, even when it was decided that it was Vader, Lucas had Prowse say the lines “Obi-Wan killed your father!” (fixed to save geeks from apoplexy) while filming the ultimate emo-kid asshole scene of the actual reveal. James Earl Jones’ dialogue with the actual paternity megaton was dubbed in later.

So did Prowse know before everyone else? Or was he just spitting garbage? Either way, it’s amazing. And as io9 points out, this was before the internet. Shit like this happened now, it’d be everywhere, and Lucas would probably have Prowse assassinated.