Those two fiendish goblins Boredom and Apathy are running amok, hoping to infiltrate the brain-bone of any unsuspecting humanoid. In the current system, the one that drags us down and demands we work far too long for far too little of a reward, they are highly successful. After all, Bordeom and Apathy sit outside of offices and follow workers home, striking just as TV-dinners are microwaved. But there is a refuge, a small oasis in the desert of the modern condition. And you know what?

You’ve arrived.

Welcome, my babies, to the Monday Morning Commute. This is the place where we share our ideas about the upcoming week. Here, we stave off malaise and depression and lack of enthusiasm! Join me!

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Mourning / Irvin Kershner

Irvin Kerschner is dead. You know what that means, don’t you? That’s right, the last director to helm an amazing Star Wars flick is no longer a passenger on Spaceship Earth. The Empire Strikes Back isn’t just a credible sequel or a fantastic piece of science fiction, it’s one of the most affective stories I’ve ever experienced.

What makes the movie magical isn’t the mind-blowing special effects or the incredible battles – although they are appreciated – it’s the abundance of relatable elements of humanity. Friends are torn apart. Lovers seek passionate infernos, only to have complications extinguish the embers. An individual pushes himself to the limits of his capabilities, only to undermine his progress by leaving early. Hell, there’s even a suave black dude with a cape.

I have no doubt in my mind that without Irvin Kershner, The Empire Strikes Back would not be the masterpiece we know it as today. Hopefully he’s chilling in Heaven blue-ghost style, chatting it up with Richard Marquand. Hell, maybe they’ll even take it upon themselves to haunt Lucas on Christmas Eve, showing him the error of his ways.

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The director behind the Empire Strikes Back totally became one with the Force today. Lame jokes ahoy! Seriously though, Irvin Kershner passed away tofay at the age of 87. Goddamn. As the director of my favorite installment of my favorite thing ever, the dude has a special place in my heart. Ah, mortality! You son of a bitch.

Rest in piece duder, high five Nielsen for all of us.

So it goes.

It’s being reported that Leslie Nielsen has died after a brief bout of pneumonia. As a child of the early 1990s, I’ll always remember Nielsen as Lieutenant Frank Drebin of the Naked Gun franchise. However, Leslie’s filmography extends far beyond those three masterpieces and he should be praised for producing an entire body of work – most of which was geared towards slapstick-abuse and crafty-wordplay.

If God lets Canadians into heaven, I have a feeling that Mr. Nielsen might be chilling with Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze.

Oh good lord, what the fuck is this bullshit. I thought I could comfortably throw my weight behind Zack Snyder to deliver a lighthearted, flashy Superman. Then I wake up today and everything doesn’t make sense and I found out he’s leaning towards making a 100% CGI Superman? What? What the fuck? Someone cockslap me, I want to wake up.

io9:

Movienewz is reporting that director Snyder, “has plans to rely heavily on CGI for the Man of Steel.” Which we can only imagine would mean Goode in the flesh for all of the Clark Kent shots, and some sort of Green Lantern-meets-Avatar CG nonsense when he’s kicking butt as the Man Of Steel.

Oh Jesus. Why would you do this? Aren’t we all burned out on Avatar-esque bullshit? Even assholes like me (listen, I fucking hate myself) who were totally wowie-kazowied over Avatar initially? Stop, don’t tell me anything else.

IGN:

We at IGN have been hearing talk of a CG-enhanced Superman as well. In fact, our sources claim that Snyder stopped by to meet with the effects folks behind Avatar recently to check out their techniques, which kind of/sort of suggests that he’s interested in Avatar-izing his Man of Steel.

I’m about to barf up the sixteen cans of Diet Mountain Dew I’ve pounded today. Maybe this shouldn’t surprise me. All of Snyder’s movies have relied on deep, thick, chunky amounts of CGI. Even Sucker Punch, which I’m sweating, is a computer generated wank fest. But to go 100% CGI for a Superman? Barf. Barfalicious. Fuck you, Frat Boy Rock. Haven’t you seen how assy the Green Lantern suit looks?

God dammit.

Mark Wahlberg as Nathan Drake? Fucking gross. Mind you, this isn’t coming from some hater of Marky Mark. I dig the dude. Boogie Nights? Check. I Heart Huckabees? Check. Meanwhile, roles of Nathan’s Dad and Uncle are being written into the movie. ‘Cause they sure ain’t in the game. The roles of Uncle and Father? DeNiro and Pesci. No, seriously.

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I’ve tried not to think about it, since it milked tears from my fanboy eyes. But since we’re all dragging it out into the open, I’ve long held that Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale were probably going to throw up peace signs and exit stage left after the third Batman movie. Not only did I think it probable, but a good portion of me wants them to. Tell their tale, and then go on their way. Why not leave the game on top, having capped off their arch? Sometimes it’s cool to go out on top, as opposed to dwindling into oblivion.

Well, Christian Bale has got these ruminations rumbling while doing press for his upcoming flick The Fighter. Slashfilm broke down the conversation, which is circuitous, and really may be nothing more than Bale being coy.

Slashfilm:

I believe, unless Chris [Nolan] says different, this will be the last time I’m playing Batman.

So, the obvious follow up would be, do you think Nolan might say differently? Here’s what Bale responded with.

Until Chris tells me, I don’t believe it, It’s gotta be from his mouth, or else I don’t really know.

So, was there a time when Nolan told him that he was only doing three movies? Or is he just playing coy? He’s placing the entire onus in Nolan’s hands, which is a neat way of avoiding saying you’re ready to give up the role that made you a gazillionaire, right?

This is why I’m an unprincipled asshole. Well, among other things. You see, despite being totally meh (at best) about the Green Lantern trailer, I’m still excited for it. How does that work? I have no idea. Today, Bleeding Cool posted a few images from the movie, and I have to say, I dig on Parallax, if the artwork in question really is from the movie. Looks pretty god damn cool.

Hit the jump for the potential picture of Parallax, as well as Peter Sarsgaard with a considerably swollen dome-piece.

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Denis Leary is swinging onto the set of the new Spider-Man movie. Puns, ahoy! Leary will be playing George Stacy, father of the inestimably superior Parker love interest, Gwen. Well, until she all gets her neck broken and shit. It’s casting that I wouldn’t have seen coming, but to be truthful, I wasn’t even contemplating Gwen’s family or the necessity of casting them.

I’m cool with it, as long as it doesn’t result in Lenny Clarke getting cast as anything but a corpse in the flick. Leary’s friend seems to be his sidekick, and seems to find his way into things the former is cast in. The problem? He is the anti-funny, eliminating funny within a thirty foot radius of anything he does.

Thoughts on the casting?

Boarding Spaceship Earth during the Reagan administration, my childhood occurred in the early 1990s – an era fortunate enough to be blessed with some wonderful pop culture. Mark-Paul Gosselaar set the standard for high school hipness. Macaulay Culkin was bustin’ our guts with displays of suburban terror. And Metallica was reaching the masses while still saying something worthwhile.

But the best pop culture phenomenon was undoubtedly the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In my day, these anthropomorphic creatures battled the forces of evil in cartoons, movies, comics, and video games – and it all kicked ass! We couldn’t get enough of these guys and their fun-loving ways.

Eventually, however, the TMNT love faded away. And this would have been fine. There’s nothing wrong with taking a backseat and being fawned upon by nostalgic nerds from time to time. But the problem is that the turtles were forced (no doubt against their will) to return to the spotlight in some straight-up bobo renditions.

The most offensive of all the later-day TMNT cash-grabs is Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation. Long story short, this late 90s (*shudder*) live action series hoped to revitalize the franchise by introducing a female turtle. Ugh. Check out the press video below:

The worst part of the video comes as Dan Clark, executive creative consultant, attempts to justify the inclusion of Venus:

She brings balance to the boys’ lives — she brings a feminine influence into the house.

Wait, what the fugg is this guy talking about? Doesn’t he understand a damn thing about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? My generation didn’t love the heroes in a half-shell because they used the martial arts as a means of attaining spiritual enlightenment or holistic balance. No, we loved the turtles because they didn’t embark upon such bogus journeys. Instead, they used karate to beat the shit out of bad guys and impress hot newscasters.

And what did they do when they weren’t beating ass? They ate pizza, went clubbing, and skateboarded. In other words, it was a total bro-fest.

And it was glorious.

Get out of my face with that Venus de Milo shit.

Rumors regarding the next Batman movie make my fucking world go round. Keeps me spinning, baby! Or, at least, they pass the time. A few moments of diversion. The latest rumor to vomit out from underneath some rock? Tom Hardy, who has already been cast in the movie, will be playing Batman villain Dr. Hugo Strange.

Forgive me, fellow geeks, I had no idea who the fuck that was. Thankfully, Slashfilm did me a solid.

Slashfilm:

The latest rumor is that Tom Hardy, who we know has been cast in the film, will be playing Dr. Hugo Strange, a possibility that has been discussed in the comments of almost every single one of our Batman posts. In the comics, Strange is a genius, mad scientist who becomes obsessed with Batman, learns his secret identity and ends up dressing up like him.

Well then. It would work for me. They’ve already undertaken the idea of exploring a Batman impostor, or the concept that his identity could be co-opted by someone else. And for what it’s worth, take a look at Tom Hardy from Bronson. Despite giving me a boner from his sheer sexiness in Inception, the dude can play creep well.

Very well.

I like this rumor   a lot.