If the shit show that was Prometheus didn’t talk you out of believing that the sequel to Blade Runner would be good, take a fat hit of this to your dome. The fucking writer for the bloody diarrhea monster that was Green Lantern has been brought aboard the project.

Abandon hope, all ye.

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Someone must have mashed-up some of my anti-anxiety meds, and put them in Sam Mendes’ mashed potatoes. The good sir has gone from being like “I want to puke when I think about directing another Bond” to likely helming the next two installments.

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I don’t even know if “near joining” make sense. Whatever. All bow to the power of the pun. So uh yeah, where were we? Oh yes. Glenn Close is joining Guardians of the Galaxy. I guess. I wish I had more understanding about who she was playing, and the such. I’m just so goddamn stupid when it comes to this Universe. (And in general, yes, okay, whatever.) With that in mind, let’s kick it to the story!

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RLM’s Half in the Bag humorously takes a run at Star Trek Into Darkness. I’d recommend it. Smarter minds than my own delineate DARKNESS’ failings, and also what it gets right. Though if you put me up against the wall, I’ll say: Abrams is really good at making a pretty movie that hits all the same thematic beats as the first film, while not advancing the Universe along what so ever, and he also really doesn’t seem to give a fucking shit about anything like plot, or narrative coherence.

But like I said, RLM does it way better than me.

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…My preferred title for this post was “Rhino what Paul Giamatti looks like in Amazing Spider-Man 2‘, but I was not brave enough to pull off such nonsense. Perchance another time. But oh yeah, here are a bunch of pictures of Paul Giamatti looking dumb as shit in whatever he is wearing that will indubitably be supplanted by CG soon enough.

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The thing about Days of Future Past is that the production features roughly three-thousand actors. It’s massive like wut, like wut. So forgive me if I have forgotten that The King of Tits and Wine will be up in this movie as well. We have gotten a look at the aforementioned King, and he is rocking quite the impressive mustache. Sleazy, bitty-boning mustache.

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Fast & Furious 6 has suffered the glory of having the biggest Memorial Day weekend opening ever. Ever! Just think about that. Me? I’m fucking fine with it. In fact, I hope people read the news and begin uncontrollably vomiting all over themselves. I caught the film last night. Great fun. There was a time when the franchise took itself seriously, but with this latest installment it is clear they have lost their mind. Shitting on physics, bro-dude posturing everywhere. Gorgeous action sequences. Frankly, it’s everything I want in a popcorn flick. However, I may have lost my mind.

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[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the kal-if-fee that is the comments section]

It’s time for us to get emotional about science-fiction’s most beloved logician.

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Fuck Bryan Singer, can’t you let us fans of the Marvel movie universe have nice things? A week or whatever after Quicksilver is confirmed for Avengers 2, you come out and let the world know you’re featuring him (played by a different actor than in A2) in your upcoming nightmare.

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Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation of The Great Gatsby‘s been in theaters for a couple weeks, and it is a truly divisive talking-point amongst moviegoers. While some appreciate the sleek visuals and pervading splendor, others believe that the film isn’t grounded enough to give a fair representation of the novel. No matter which camp you find yourself in, chances’re good that if you’ve read the book or seen the movie you’ve spent some time slinging ideas about.

Such is my situation.

Allow me to be forthright – I believe that The Great Gatsby is an absolutely perfect novel. I’ve spent countless hours reading, discussing, and writing about Fitzgerald’s magnum opus, and yet I still find myself stumbling into new terrain. Of course, whenever I think I’ve find a rock worth turning over, I make a point to shout at anyone who’ll listen.

A couple years ago I posted Nick Carra-Gay?, an exploration of the possibility that the novel’s narrator is gay. Whether or not you go for the theory, it generated some great conversation.

In the hopes of generating similar discussions, I’ve taken a grad school paper I’ve just completed and rearranged it for the OL audience. Give it a read and then hit up the comments section to share your thoughts. I’m not sure if my argument’s got legs to stand on, but at the very least it’s evocative.

After all, the idea at hand is that Jay Gatsby is actually a black guy.

I now present – The Great Blacksby – The Literary Hero You Never Noticed.

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