Hello there, my name is Rendar Frankenstein and I am a real science fictional being. Living in the year 2010, I am endowed with a number of futuristic powers, including instantaneous global communication, access to digital television, and the ability to ward off disease with a pill. I have a portable computer and after I consume enough caffeine it extracts stories from me.

I feel sorry for the chronically nostalgic.

Monday Morning Commute.   With the workweek rearing its ugly head, we all need movies, books, music, comics and other distractions to stay strong. On Mondays I’m going to tell you about the various ways I’ll be spending my time in the upcoming week. Give my list a glance, then tell me what you’re using to curb the 9-5 blues.

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Listening / My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
I have had a real up-and-down relationship with Kanye West. On the one hand, his first three efforts (The College Dropout, Late Registration, and Graduation) are three of my all-time favorite albums. But 2008’s 808s and Heartbreak was a truly depressing collection, as it not only demonstrated the fickle nature of inspiration but the public’s mindset of putting the cart before the horse. Then, of course, there is the fact that Mr. West has serious mental problems and is an arrogant bastard.

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The line art for ELECTRIC ANT, an adaptation of the PK Dick short story of the same name. EA is published by Marvel Comics and scripted by David Mack. This was one of those simple drawings– it literally took about three hours from start to finish. They’re not always this easy. I love drawing animals.

[pulphope/blogspot]

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Why is Batman successful? Is it because of a physique that pushes the limits of the human anatomy, an absolute mastery of sensory perception, an above-genius IQ, and billions of dollars? Yes.

And no.

In the internal logic of the comics-world, Batman truly succeeds not as a man but as an idea. More important than a single super-stud willing to risk his life in the name of crime-fighting is the very notion that such individuals exist. Criminals and evil-doers simply cannot run amok; doing so generates the very real possibility of being put in traction by a masked vigilante with emotional issues.

For the past seventy-one years, Batman has protected Gotham City. Now, the persona is being franchised globally as this week sees the premiere of Batman Incorporated.

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Boarding Spaceship Earth during the Reagan administration, my childhood occurred in the early 1990s – an era fortunate enough to be blessed with some wonderful pop culture. Mark-Paul Gosselaar set the standard for high school hipness. Macaulay Culkin was bustin’ our guts with displays of suburban terror. And Metallica was reaching the masses while still saying something worthwhile.

But the best pop culture phenomenon was undoubtedly the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In my day, these anthropomorphic creatures battled the forces of evil in cartoons, movies, comics, and video games – and it all kicked ass! We couldn’t get enough of these guys and their fun-loving ways.

Eventually, however, the TMNT love faded away. And this would have been fine. There’s nothing wrong with taking a backseat and being fawned upon by nostalgic nerds from time to time. But the problem is that the turtles were forced (no doubt against their will) to return to the spotlight in some straight-up bobo renditions.

The most offensive of all the later-day TMNT cash-grabs is Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation. Long story short, this late 90s (*shudder*) live action series hoped to revitalize the franchise by introducing a female turtle. Ugh. Check out the press video below:

The worst part of the video comes as Dan Clark, executive creative consultant, attempts to justify the inclusion of Venus:

She brings balance to the boys’ lives — she brings a feminine influence into the house.

Wait, what the fugg is this guy talking about? Doesn’t he understand a damn thing about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? My generation didn’t love the heroes in a half-shell because they used the martial arts as a means of attaining spiritual enlightenment or holistic balance. No, we loved the turtles because they didn’t embark upon such bogus journeys. Instead, they used karate to beat the shit out of bad guys and impress hot newscasters.

And what did they do when they weren’t beating ass? They ate pizza, went clubbing, and skateboarded. In other words, it was a total bro-fest.

And it was glorious.

Get out of my face with that Venus de Milo shit.

Rumors regarding the next Batman movie make my fucking world go round. Keeps me spinning, baby! Or, at least, they pass the time. A few moments of diversion. The latest rumor to vomit out from underneath some rock? Tom Hardy, who has already been cast in the movie, will be playing Batman villain Dr. Hugo Strange.

Forgive me, fellow geeks, I had no idea who the fuck that was. Thankfully, Slashfilm did me a solid.

Slashfilm:

The latest rumor is that Tom Hardy, who we know has been cast in the film, will be playing Dr. Hugo Strange, a possibility that has been discussed in the comments of almost every single one of our Batman posts. In the comics, Strange is a genius, mad scientist who becomes obsessed with Batman, learns his secret identity and ends up dressing up like him.

Well then. It would work for me. They’ve already undertaken the idea of exploring a Batman impostor, or the concept that his identity could be co-opted by someone else. And for what it’s worth, take a look at Tom Hardy from Bronson. Despite giving me a boner from his sheer sexiness in Inception, the dude can play creep well.

Very well.

I like this rumor   a lot.

Marvel’s announced the cancellation of Thor: The Mighty Avenger. And I have to say without any irony that this significantly bums me out.

Thor: The Mighty Avenger stole this site’s heart from the moment it was released. A lighthearted, beautiful rendition of the god of thunder and his experiences in good ole Asgard caught me off guard. Thor usually broods, Thor usually swings his hammer and pouts about Odin dismissing him from his realm. This was different. This was fun and sweet and it had heart. I was smitten. My brother was smitten.

The issues were self-contained romps that complimented each other in growing towards something greater.   While sites have reported that the title will get a satisfying conclusion in January, I can only wonder what they were building towards, had they been given time. I lamented last week about the deluge of Thor titles hitting the market. Something had to give. Unfortunately, it is my favorite Thor title on the market getting the axe. Maybe it was too kind, too witty, too innocent. Even with forthcoming titles getting nixed, Deadpool has ninety-three titles. Logan as a zillion. Skint and bawdy humor and et cetera, and et cetera.

Again, sadness.

I have to tip my cap to Roger Langridge and Chris Samnee. They sold me on a title in three or four pages of the initial run, and two creators who I had never heard of before became instant favorites. Crisp dialogue, tight scripts, gorgeous, ephermeal artwork. It all came together! Ah well, motherfucker. Nothing gold can last, right? Kudos to the two of you, for proving that there’s room for wonder amongst the smoldering and brooding in the Marvel universe.

If you haven’t checked out TMA yet, get the fuck on it. Your negligent ass killed it. The least you can do is enjoy the entire run, which, consider its only eight issues, is not only brilliant, but cost efficient.

A pantheon of Marvel Vs Capcom 3 news continues to come out. It’s sort of a fucking pain in the ass. All I want to do is walk around from my computer, and leave the blogging behind for a few moments. Naw son! More shit of interest to spit about. So yeah, Capcom today announced that Marvel Vs Capcom 3 shall be dropping ashore on February 15, 2011. A day after Valentine’s Day. Innit that perfect? Gives you just enough of a buffer to neglect your loved one!

But I spent all of yesterday with you! Oh wait, that shit was last week? Well then. Still, stop complaining!

Capcom also announced today the deals of the swanky fucking collector’s edition that’ll be dropping the same day as the title.

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The Green Lantern Trailer is finally upon us, after last week’s cockteasing from Entertainment Tonight. I’ll divide the trailer into two distinct halves.

The first is Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds. Not only is Hal Jordan apparently written like another Reynolds douchebag cast-off, which he isn’t in the comic books, but Reynolds himself is just doing his same old thing. He isn’t inhabiting a character, he’s draping his schtick over a mythos. Let me be clear, the parts where he’s acting fucking suck, and my dick shrinks a little bit.

Also, Blake Lively, I’m glad to see you dispell any sort of notion that you could act that you may have given us in The Town.

The second is that the epic bullshit that goes down in the trailer really snagged my geek balls. Like, I dug on it a lot. The whole flying through space thing? Sweet. Seeing Oa? Sweet.

Unfortunately, Reynolds Being Reynolds As Jordan has smashed apart any sort of expectations I may have had for the movie. I’m hoping I’m wrong, and that as he matures through the movie he’ll become something resembling anything other than Hey Guys I’m Ryan Reynolds.

Hit the jump to check out the trailer. Then hit the comments box with your thoughts. I’m very interested to gauge the response from you guys.

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Remember last week when Previews teased the OMFG DEATH OF SPIDER-MAN last week? Well, new details have begun to trickle out about it. For starters, the son of a bitch takes place in the Ultimate universe. Which is a good thing, since while I snag a few titles from over in their alternate reality, it doesn’t excite me like it used to. Also, the entire endeavor is being overseen by Brian Marvel Bendis and Mark Swear Words Are Awesome! Millar. The storyline kicks off in February in Ultimate Spidey #153, then follows through into Ultimate Avengers vs. New Ultimates #1 (groan), while continuing through both titles during the month.

Five years ago, this would have excited me to pieces. Now I’m just weary. Good thing for me, both Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar are annoyingly hyperbolic as ever.

Comics Alliance:

“This is the biggest, boldest thing we’ve attempted in the ten years since we kicked this line off,” said Millar. “This is the one thing that could be bigger than the CREATION of the Ultimate line and it’s great to be a part of it. Being part of something like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and soon you’ll all get to read the story we’ve written for you, This should be up there with the very small number of events that really mattered. This is going to be big.”

I don’t expect him to not be completely excited. Especially since it’s Mark Millar, and he super-hypes everything. So why wouldn’t he hype the hell out of this? But it’s hard to get super jazzed about anything predicated around THE DEATH OF CHARACTER X. At least for me. Right?

Are you like me? Still not jazzed? Brian Michael Bendis up in your house!

Comics Alliance:

“As a group and as individuals we have made a conscious effort to create stories this year that no one has ever seen before… I am very, very proud to be a part of this storyline and very proud of Marvel for even attempting such a bold endeavor. Sit back and watch as we unveil a storyline unlike any other!!”

A storyline like any other? Oh, you mean a status-quo destroying storyline that features the death of a character? Jesus Christ, that’s new and exciting. I’m being a bitter dick. I know I am. Underneath it all, with two big names behind it, I am going to check it out of of nothing other than curiosity.

Also, although I only really enjoy Bendis’ for his work on Scarlet at the moment, and I checked out of Mark Millar’s retarded adolescent fantasies when he decided to have one gay character of his involuntarily rape his own sister (no, I’m serious, that’s from the piece of refuse that is Nemesis), at one point in my life they were two of my favorite writers. So when Bendis isn’t stretched completely thin, and Mark Millar isn’t devolving into a shock jock bullshit satire of himself, I love the two of them.

So I guess I’m excited?

Thoughts?

[Source: Steven Anderson via Game Freaks]