#The Dude
Fear Fest: Demo Dick Marcinko. Makes Jack Bauer His Bitch.
OCTOBER 17th, Dick Marcinko
“Award of 50,000 piasters to anyone who could kill First Lieutenant Demo Dick Marcinko, a grey-faced killer who had brought death and trouble to the Chau Phu Province during the Lunar New Year.”
-Viet Cong Wanted Poster
If you don’t know who Dick Marcinko is, shame on you. All those phony Chuck Norris facts could truthfully apply to this man. Let’s just say that Demo Dick, as he was known, is a true American hero and move on.
There are many things about Marcinko that would qualify him for Fear Fest status. Number one on that list would be that this is the man that started Seal Team 6. I’m sure the rest of the list is still classified, but we might as well toss in there that he was technical advisor on “24”. That’s right, fictional hero Jack Bauer is a cheap knock off of the real thing.
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THIS WEEK ON The Walking Dead: What Lies Ahead
(Before we start, I know what you’re probably thinking. “Whoa Dude, first Fear Fest and now Walking dead recaps? Are you taking over Omega Level?” Well, no, the Brothers Omega will return with more regular postings when their daily lives are more settled. And shame on you for suggesting otherwise. Sometimes Superman and Batman have to put in time on Clarke and Bruce. The same rings true for Caffeine and Rendar. I was tasked to write the recaps because of my familiarity with the source material, and my deep knowledge of zombie arts.)
We start season two with a woefully written message that serves as a reminder of what happened in the last episode of season one. We are reminded of the CDC and Dr. Jenner, who I’m surprised they didn’t just name Mac Guffin. I’m not the goodest writer. I can however recognize lazy writing. The last three episodes were rife with it last year. The first five minutes were harrowing. Will the bad writing continue? Did they bad writers stay when Darabont left? The answer is no, the bad writing will not continue. I look at the terrible exposition as an example of where the show could have gone but won’t. Season one may have collapsed like a certain baseball team I follow, but I can hope and dream that season two will swing for the fences again.
Fear Fest: [Ride The] Lightning!
OCTOBER 14th, Lightning
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
-George Carlin
We may think we own this planet, but we’re really just guest of Mother Nature. If she wanted us gone, she wouldn’t even have to break a sweat. Today’s fear is something that we’ve all seen and heard. Astraphobia is the intense fear of thunder storms. While this fear knows no gender lines, it’s interesting to know that men are nearly 5 times more likely to be killed by a lightning strike than women. Kind of a weird stat huh? Well, you have the rest of the article to figure out why. If you already know, then don’t be a spoil sport, keep it to yourself.
Fear Fest: Death!
OCTOBER 13th, Death
“Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order.”
-David Gerrold
You are going to die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it’s inevitable.
You. Will. Die.
Fear Fest: Hippos!
OCTOBER 12th, Hippos
“Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?”
-Mitch Hedberg
As we all are hurled through space on this little blue marble, its tough to realize how different we are from some of the other indigenous creatures. On would wonder what a visitor from another world would think if they touched down and took a look around. I can easily say that if they encountered a Hippo, they would climb their intergalactic asses back into their flying machine and haul ass out of dodge. Today’s fear deals with one of the most aggressive animals on the planet … MAN … no actually, its Hippos.
Fear Fest: Germs! Wash Your Hands, Slob.
OCTOBER 11th, Germs
“To perceive things in the germ is intelligence”
-Lao Tzu
Welcome back folks. Yesterday we took a gander at the largest fear in the world, today, in a wonderful, albeit waifishly thin, example of juxtaposition we cover the smallest.
Germs are everywhere. They are on your hands, on your keyboard, on your mouse, everywhere. You’re sitting in a big pile of germs right now. That soda you’re drinking or that bag of chips you’re munching from? You guessed it, germ infested. So what is it about these little microbes that send people into such a frenzy?
Fear Fest: Aquaphobia!
October 10th, Aquaphobia
When you’re drowning, you don’t say ‘I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,’ you just scream.”
-John Lennon
Wow, are we really through one third of the month already? Let us take a moment and look back on the fears we’ve already encountered. They are enough to make a person go mad. However, today we have the largest fear on the planet. Water. Water makes up roughly 70% of the Earth’s surface, and occasionally falls from the sky. Imagine if you were afraid of that? Suddenly your problems don’t seem so big.
Fear Fest: Reptilians!
OCTOBER 7th, Reptilians
“I would not enter in my list of friends, who needlessly sets foot upon a worm. An inadvertent step may crush the snail that crawls at evening in the public path, but he has the humanity, forewarned, will tread aside, and let the reptile live.”
-William Cowper
Hello once again friends, welcome back to fear central. Today’s fear comes from the world of conspiracy theories. If you don’t know about the Reptilian Agenda, you sir (or madam) are behind the times. They’re here, and they have plans.
The Reptilian Agenda is the brain child of a man by the name of David Icke. In short, it involves reptilian shape shifters that live in an underground city and control world events. Sound like a load of shit? Well maybe you need to take a closer look at human history.
Fear Fest: Flying. Or As We Say “Tempting God”.
OCTOBER 8th, Flying
“There is an art, or rather a knack, to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
-Douglas Adams
Hello once again folks. Today’s fear dates back to two brothers, a bicycle shop, and a dream. Flying can be a fun experience. It’s too bad that its ruined by being a business. Cramped seats, bad service, lost luggage, security hassles and crying babies. It’s a wonder anyone chooses to fly.
Fear Fest: Clowns Aren’t Scary. They’re Murderers and Nightmares.
OCTOBER 7th, Clowns
“I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.”
-Steven Wright
Hello again friends. Here we are, closing out the first week of fear. Today’s fear is something that I had to conquer as a child. Coulrophobia (Coulro- prefix is Greek for “Stilt Walker”) is the fear of clowns. Its acceptance into published works is slowed by its difficulty to prove. While it’s not in any clinical textbooks, and is more recognized on the internet than in published works, I can attest that it is a real fear.
