Fear Fest: Clowns Aren’t Scary. They’re Murderers and Nightmares.

OCTOBER 7th, Clowns

“I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.”
-Steven Wright

Hello again friends. Here we are, closing out the first week of fear. Today’s fear is something that I had to conquer as a child. Coulrophobia (Coulro- prefix is Greek for “Stilt Walker”) is the fear of clowns. Its acceptance into published works is slowed by its difficulty to prove. While it’s not in any clinical textbooks, and is more recognized on the internet than in published works, I can attest that it is a real fear.

The main reason I felt fear from clowns was that I had no idea who the person was. They could be anyone. I learned very early that the rules and laws existed not only for my protection, but for protection of others from me. Since I was a child with a propensity for violence and pyromancy, I naturally thought everyone was. A clown was just the physical representation of anonymity. With this anonymity, a clown was free to act outside the laws of god and man.

I have since outgrown this fear. Today clowns just make me angry. I don’t know if it’s because I’m angry at myself for being so naïve as a child, or if I genuinely hate these motley faced buffoons. Either way, I try to avoid situations that would have me encounter clowns. I was never a fan of the circus, and I shy away from attending children’s birthday parties.

One thing I retain from my coulrophobia days is a favored joke I hear as a teenager.

How do you get a clown to stop laughing?
HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH AN AX!

THE ANSWER: Time is the best way to deal with coulrophobia. If a child exhibits it, patience pays off. If an adult suffers from coulrophobia, perhaps it’s the sign of deeper emotional problems. Either way, clowns are not as prevalent in our society that coulrophobia is a crippling affliction.