…and so just as it was prophesied in the Rotting Tome, confirmed in the veins-reading of the Blood Taco, and proselytized in the Halls of Manic Mistakes, it has come to pass. Weep or rejoice, for the message has been confirmed. “The Caffeinated One shall know Only The Solace of His Own Touch, for in his Time the Many Shall Become One.” Or in other words: you fucks are stuck with me writing this column now. And uh, pretty much every column. Every-everything here on Omega-Level. It’s fine. I’m fine. We’ll be fine.

—Anyways! Hey, fucks! This is Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! And despite my caffeine problems, swollen prostate, and abandonment issues, I’m really fucking pumped for comics. As always! So let’s come together and share the various fucking funny books we’re buying this week. My choices this week run the gamut  from a Princess Warrior, to Time-Freezing Orgasms, to Yet Another Marvel Event

The entire list of this week’s comic book releases can be found right goddamn here.

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An unproduced Stanley Kubrick script is going to be given life, by a man most well-known for taking lives on TV! Ha! How is that fucking a fucking lead-in sentence! It’s dog shit?! I agree! But none the less. Michael C. Hall is going to be leading the charge to get Kubrick’s God Fearing Man out of carbonite and into your television room.

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Apparently there’s a “playable teaser” (that I’m downloading now) on PSN that’s actually a fucking covert reveal for a new Silent Hill game. Starring That Guy (Norman Reedus) from Walking Dead. Leave it to Del Toro and Kojima to fuck everyone’s brain-pieces like this. Pretty awesome.

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Inhumans is coming! Inhumans is coming! Marvel’s done it right, man. Slowly building up the fantastical elements of their cinematic universe. From a guy in a robot suit to a fucking talking raccoon, all of it was laid down progressively. Now, with the Tree and Homicidal Raccoon firmly entrenched in many people’s hearts (hi!) it makes sense that Marvel is going to push the cosmic even further. Why the fuck not? They’ve seeded the ground well enough.

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Lest you forget, Del Toro has been tasked with bringing Justice League Dark to the silver screen. It’s easy to forget about it though, since there’s been no goddamn details about the flick. However the Guy Behind Pacific Rim recently opened up in an interview, and threw some chicken feed at us inquisitive fan-folk. Let us nibble slowly on these morsels, for we know not how long they must last.

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When the creator of Rayman drops anything, I pay attention. Rayman Legends is one of my top games of the year, and the silly fucker has been entertaining me for nearly twenty years. The latest machinations to arrive out of creator Michel Ancel’s brain is WiLD, and it has me jonesing already. Details and trailer after the break!

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DC looks to be branching out into interesting Bat-Territory this year. Becky Cloonan is writing Gotham Academy. Gerry Duggan bringing Arkham Manor to life. And now there’s a horror comic coming out? I see, I see. But DC can sense my skepticism. (The world revolves around me, specifically my enormous, cellulite-riddled pale white ass.) How do you get me to give a fuck about a horror comic set in Gotham? You bring in Ben Templesmith to helm the artwork. And I say goddamn! now this is all terribly exciting to me.

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Amped for Star Wars Rebels? I am! Want a taste of the show? I do! And by God, here is one. What, you’re saying I wouldn’t have randomly typed the first two questions into a WordPress box if there wasn’t a taste available? Fuck you and watch the short!

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Rise of the Tomb Raider is only going to be rolling up on Xbox consoles, and man I can only imagine the staggering amount of cash Microsoft threw around to procure this exclusive. And I wonder if this is a timed exclusive, or an outright? None the less. This is one of those times that I’m glad I’m a materialistic, completionist, Day 1 whore.

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Until I read this report, I had completely forgotten that Michael Fassbender was involved with an Assassin’s Creed movie. But indeed, he is! And he seems pretty stoked. Wouldn’t it be lovely if this flick was good? I mean — it seems like such an executable concept. But you know. Hollywood. Video games.

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