#Caffeine Powered
Johnny Depp co-starring in ‘Fantastic Beasts’ Sequel
Johnny Depp, more recently known for becoming a joke in Tim Burton movies and having an ugly divorce with his wife, will be co-starring in the Fantastic Beasts sequel. This may be somewhat cool, if he wasn’t charged with domestic abuse, and wasn’t a complete mockery of himself lately. Especially the former.
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Netflix To Have More Subscribers Than Cable By 2017
Apparently by 2017, Netflix is going to have more subscribers than cable. This is one of those factoids I wish I was smart enough to analyze. Instead, though, I’ll just shake my head emptily like a good Modern Citizen, and Marvel.
Tuesday Evening Commute: Born Of The Bomb
It’s Tuesday, Tuesday Evening. I’m writing what was supposed to be Monday, Monday Morning Commute. The clock ticks towards quarter of 6pm, Eastern Seaboard of the Empire Standard. I have approximately 23 minutes to file this, to fart it, to fecal-blast this shinformation onto your digital face. Before! Before my next obligation. I’ve been wearing the same dress pants for ten hours, I’m tired, my caffeine levels are precariously low, and I have so much goddamn wood to chop before I sleep.
But I’m happy, happy to generate this minuscule bubble of textual diarrhea. This minuscule raft in the shitty seas of oblivion that seem to constitute this year, this 2016 A.D. Come friends, come quickly. Ignore my purple-headed boner, I merely have to pee. Come friends, come quickly. Ignore the wild look in eyes, I’m merely between my past caffeine fix and my next.
Come friends, come quickly. Join me on this raft, cling to it with me. Nay, cling to it for me.
This is Tuesday Evening Commute. This is what I’m looking forward to this week. Please, I implore, I beseech, I cajole. Please, join me in the comments section. Let me know what you’re indulging in this week.
R.L. Stine Is Writing Comics For Marvel
Party like it’s 1995! Just imagine, pubes are a really weird thing but you’re learning to cope with them, the PlayStation is about to kick all sorts of ass, and R.L. Stine’s latest Goosebumps novel is your monthly obsession! You can party as such, because said author is going to be writing comics for Marvel.
Space Swoon: Cassini Captures Saturn From Above
NASA has hit the collective Us with another shot of Saturn from its Cassini spacecraft. This one captures the splendid, bald-ass dome-piece of the Ringed Giant.
‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ Teaser Trailer: A Future Beyond The Milky Way
BioWare has dropped a new teaser for Mass Effect: Andromeda. And brothers, and sisters, it’s got me goddamn sprung.
Obviously: Eleven Will Be Back For ‘Stranger Things’ Season 2
Eleven disappeared at the end of Strange Things‘ first season. But, I mean. It was pretty obvious she would be back, right?
Watch: Cospainted Silver Surfer Shreds The Streets of NYC
Times are tough. The Earth is on fire. The American Election is down to Richard Nixon versus Forrest Gump Hitler. Why not enjoy this video of Silver Surfer gliding through the streets of NYC?
‘Defenders’ Adds Misty Knight and Karen Page; Season Will Be Eight Episodes
Some Defenders news collated for your ass. ‘Cause of my negligent ass. First up: the show has officially added Misty Knight and Karen Page, which we all sort of anticipated. Second up: the show’s season will run eight episodes.
Report: Wii U Is Going Out Of Production This Week
Woah. This week, Nintendo is officially ceasing production of the Wii U. I guess they’re fully switching (ha!) their focus to its successor.
