OL turns 10 today. Good god, friends. I knew it was coming, but it’s still incredible to me. Ten fucking years! Ten years.

In some ways, man. Life is exactly the same for me — still absolutely hyped about shit I enjoy, still puerile. Though, I definitely talk about jizz a little less.

In some ways, man. Life is completely different for me. At its inception, I was a starving graduate student with a girlfriend who was too good for me. Using student loans to buy groceries. Now I’m married to said girlfriend, actually got a job. House. A dog. Boring as fuck and loving it. I’m stable! Relatively.

More than anything, I’m grateful-as-fuck for everyone who has ever contributed to the cosmos-spanning madness that is OL. To everyone who has written for OL, who has commented, who has shared or liked an article or meme.

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Oh hell yeah! More gorgeous imagery courtesy of Hubble, one of the hardest working motherfuckers in the game. I mean, it’s a telescope. But still.

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Ewan McGregor is either “in talks” or “certain” to return to the role of Obi-Wan for a Disney+ series, so yeah, this is happening. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the reveal is dropped at the upcoming D23.

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Ever since Disney bought Star Wars, one thing has been seemingly clamored for by everyone. That one thing? Some sort of return to Obi-Wan for Ewan McGregor. And, it seems like it’s finally happening. Finally! Sure.

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Amazon’s facial recognition systems can now detect fear! Hey! Wee! I can’t possibly imagine this shit being used for ill. I mean, right? *Infinitely sarcastic wink*

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Astronomers have detected eight new potential alien signals. Oh fuck yeah! Listen. I know there is a rush to point out that this shit is probably not aliens. That said, let me pretend it is? For a little?

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A new Saints Row game is deep in development? Oh happy days! Oh, happy days. Honestly, I never expected to play another installment. But here we fucking are!

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Eat gator! Jerk off in the woods!  Sweat too much, smell too awfully. Enjoy nature! Curse how it makes your balls smell. Am I talking about my trip to Denver last month? Or am I talking about Red Dead Redemption 2? Why not both, you son of a bitch! Yadda yadda, blah blah. How the fuck are you folks doing? Me? I’m doing a-okay. Sleep late, masturbate. Two of the pillars of my current summer vacation. Life ain’t bad.

I mean, if you can ignore the Arctic melting, and the rise of fascism. But, I have faith you can. Us rot-mouth flesh-bellies have tremendous power to deny forthcoming doom. I imagine that prowess stems from our incessant need to deny our own mortality, and works its way into shuttering our eyes at the very-not-good situation on this planet.

Anyways! Holy fuck, what’s up? Glaze your tits, gaze your eyes, and join me here at Monday Morning Commute.

The impending mortality? The horrors of modern culture?

Why, gloss them over with some distractions. And, share your particular distractions this week!

I’ll go first, fellow meat-bags.

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I spend roughly 85% of my waking life staring at butts on Tumblr. Actually, that may be a conservative estimate. Anyways, WordPress is buying my favorite platform. And if I could say anything to them? Yeah, fine, don’t bring back the porn. But, leave my booty-watching alone.

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Playing local co-op on the Switch is fucking fun, dudes. However, it’s not as fucking fun as it could be, because the Joy-Cons are so fucking tiny. But there seems to be a solution coming down the line. Fine, another solution. I know you’re going to tell me the Pro Controller exists. This solution? A fucking SNES controller!

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