#Caffeine Powered
Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern, and Sam Neil returning for ‘Jurassic World 3’ because this franchise fucking sucks and it knows it
The first two Jurassic World movies were fucking dino diarrhea. I get the feeling the minds behind it know this, despite them raking in tons of money. Why? ‘Cause bringing back the original Juassic Park cast just smacks of flatout desperation. What do you do when you can’t make any memorable moments in your own uninspired slop? Go back to the classic and trollop around in the trough.
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‘Letterkenny’ Season 7 Trailers: Fuck You, Shoresy!
Friends, the trailer for Letterkenny Season 7 is here! And, while it doesn’t give away much, it does make me want to give my balls a tug.
‘Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order’ Story Trailer: Meet yet ANOTHER Jedi who survived Order 66!
The more time passes, the more it becomes pretty fucking obvious Darth Vader sucked at cleansing the Jedi. The latest proof? Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a shit. But man, that asthmatic fuck really didn’t bring it.
John Krasinski announces ‘The Quiet Place 2’ has wrapped filming but who cares the first was a middling yawn
Yeah, I’m posting about The Quiet Place 2 just to remind folks: it was a patently dumb movie, that was absurdly worshipped by people. People, I can only imagine, who have never seen a horror movie before. Don’t fucking @ me.
Marvel’s Kevin Feige is working on a ‘Star Wars’ movie and I am positively stoked, dudes
I postulated, a way back, that the way to get angry nerds back into the Star Wars fold was to bring in the Russo brothers. Well? Kevin Feige ain’t the Russo Brothers, but he is the architect of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Dude shits, at worst, enjoyably forgettable movies. So, this is extremely good news to me, my friends.
‘The Last of Us 2’ Trailer: Ellie’s revenge quest arrives February 21, 2020!
Man, we’re really getting it, eh? The Last of Us 2! While the wait hasn’t been as colossal as, say, Cyberpunk 2077, it’s still unreal to think it’s arriving so soon. I was stoked previous to this trailer, and now? Fully stoked. Painfully stoked.
Space Swoon: NASA’s Juno spacecraft caught gorgeous photo of Jupiter solar eclipse
Hell yeah! You want some photos of a solar eclipse on Jupiter? Well, motherfucker, you’re in the right place. NASA’s Juno spacecraft snapped these photos during a fly-by, and we’re all the richer for it.
‘WoW Classic’ causes ‘World of Warcraft’ subscriptions to increase 223%! Nostalgia is a hell of a fucking drug!
WoW: Classic didn’t get me to resubscribe! Nope! Nope, nope. However, it apparently snagged a significant amount of my lapsed peers and newcomers alike.
Magnetic field on Mars pulsates at night. But, we have no idea the reason!
This week’s cosmic head scratcher in the news comes from within our own solar system. Apparently, the magnetic field on Mars pulsates at night.
‘The Batman’ looks to cast ‘Westworld’ star Jeffrey Wright as Commissioner Gordon. I fuck with this!
Jeffrey Wright as Commissioner Gordon in The Batman? Fuck yeah! Honestly, cast Jeffrey Wright in everything. Dude rules.
