I hateeee myself and my dumb punsss almost as much as I love these sexy Breaking Bad posters by Francesco Francavilla. Enough of my nonsense, hit the jump to check them out.

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I’m a beaten man when it comes to this sort of nonsense. Yesterday’s Megaton Bomb was the Megaton Bomb that anyone with a subtle sense of what is going on in this world already knew: the NSA pretty much collects everything about all of us. The only solution? Continue plummeting down the rabbit hole into furry-scat-vomit porn and fiction, attempting to at least shock them. Though I know with resignation that I am not a unique snowflake, and there are lots of Me out there.

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I have a hard time believing that Kiefer Sutherland is actually voicing Snake in Metal Gear Solid 5: Kojima Fucks With You. I mean, Kojima has pulled our collective undies over our head too many times for us to just believe this. Right? Right?! Do you?

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Imagine, if you will, the following scenario: You’re sitting in a movie theater, enjoying a nicely constructed action sequence on screen. Everything is working and you know the stakes involved because you’ve been paying attention the whole time and the present action, to its credit, is coherent. However, just for good measure, punctuating the sequence, some guy next to you starts to narrate the events, giving a play by play of every punch thrown, every kick dropped, every daring move displayed. And, to top it all off, he’s even thoughtful enough to add some recaps and character motivations, just in case you’re confused about what’s going on or you missed something that happened earlier in the proceedings.

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I was that fucking asshole who used to read the choose your own adventure books in a linear fashion. I kept fucking dying! It was horse shit. Despite growing up (a smidge), I’m not sure I won’t do whatever approximates the same behavior with these new DC digital comics that replicate the experience.

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Hugh Jackman is saying he will need a “pretty fucking compelling reason to return as Wolverine” after X-Men: Days of Future Past The Limit, stating it’ll take “like a musical or some shit. Or I’m out. Way fucking out.”

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Justin Theroux is going to be the star of the next show by Damon Lindelof, and it’s going to be on HBO. Oh goody me, Damon Lindelof is working on another television show. In case you didn’t know: Lindelof “works on television shows” by standing in front of a mirror, quietly saying “you’re so clever.” He slowly builds up to a tribal chant, at which he eventually orgasms. Hands free. It’s almost impressive.

(So much vitriol, I know.)

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Benicio Del Toro has joined Guardians of the Galaxy. And you thought that Man of Steel had a ridiculous ensemble. Eh? Yeah, stick that notion in your butt and fly to the Moon! Turkeys. Wait — what was I saying? Oh yeah! Also, the Good Dude has also signed a multi-picture deal with the Marvelous Company. Anyone want to join me in the Stroke-It-Circle, hoping that he is playing Thanos?

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Timothy Anderson has taken the original Star Wars novels and smashed them deep into the soul of pulp. Mixing them around, he has recombinated the parts into a serious of gorgeous novel covers.

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Woah! What a dumb first line. Whatever. Double woah! Take a look at Mars’ northern polar ice cap. There are some seriously impressive natural forces taking place in this picture. Forces so majestic in scope that I cannot even begin to understand them. I’m just here for the free chicken and pictures!

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