#April2012
Chinese Kid Sells Kidney For iPad; Now Needs His Own Kidney Transplant. Dismal ++
This is some dismal shit right here. A Chinese kid was so desperate to own an iPad and iPhone that he took to the black market and sold a kidney. That itself is a damning comment on commodity culture, but since the duder did so it’s been all down hill.
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MPAA Boss Says New SOPA Is Happening Behind The Scenes. Duh-Doi!
The MPAA isn’t taking the death of SOPA laying down. They’re doubling-down and coming up with something nefarious to emerge in its place.
Press Start: BioWare Eats A League Of Fart Cup Cakes
Welcome to Press Start!, the weekly column where we blab about the happenings in the world of gaming in the past seven days. It’s done-up as a list, ‘cause motherfuckers love lists. Audience participation is encouraged, so if you see something absent from the list let’s get some dialogue going in the comments section. However as you make your way to the microphone be mindful of the urine-and-tacks filled balloons hanging above. They will punish the spiteful.
NEW ‘PROMETHEUS’ PICS: Riding The Deluge!
New Prometheus pics. You have to had it to the Marketing Squadron. They’ve started putting more and more content out there, but have done so in an intelligent manner. I mean, fuck. All of the new “images” dropping are so heavily derivative of the snacks they’ve already given us. We feel like we’re getting omfg new Prometheus swag, while not really getting much spoiled for us.
THIS WEEK ON Justified: Coalition
The pieces are in place. The guns are primed. The powder keg is lit. The shit is going down on Justified. Take off your Stetson, throw your boots on a table, sit back and stay a while.
‘X-MEN: FIRST CLASS’ Sequel Shoots Around Jennifer Lawrence’s ‘HUNGER GAMES’ Schedule.
This is just good business right here. The sequel to X-Men: First Class is going to shoot around Jennifer Lawrence’s schedule for Catching Fire.
ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE Announces New York City Expansion. This Is Awesome.
For many years, Alamo Drafthouse Cinema has lurked out in Texas. Nestled in the asshole of America, its sweet offerings have eluded me. There was much too much a giant swath of land separating us. Now I may not be able to get out to Texas for the Alamo-Prime, but there’s a satellite approaching. The son of of a bitch is getting a New York site. Hell yeah!
‘MASS EFFECT 3’ Will Add VARIATIONS, Not Choices. F**k You, BioWare.
BioWare is continuing to clarify what’s going on in Mass Effect 3: Our Attempt To Unfuck Cut, and it continues to sound like a bag of rotting dicks.
‘ALAN’S WAKE: AMERICAN NIGHTMARE’ Mr. Scratch Sales Pitch Trailer: Better Than The Game.
Alan Wake: American Nightmare has a new trailer featuring none other than the game’s antagonist Mr. Scratch reading off critiques and comments from gaming sites regarding the XBLA title. It’s good shit. I didn’t really enjoy American Nightmare, but I had no qualms supporting Remedy if it meant getting a proper sequel to Ally Waken.
Hit the jump to check out Mr. Scratch rippin’.
Cinematic Polyamory: The Cheekbones Edition
Welcome to Friday’s (no longer Thursday, because I apparently can’t get my shit together on Thursdays) most ridiculous column, Cinematic Polyamory, which — for those of you playing the home game — basically amounts to an ongoing list of the famous people I want to bang.
Last week, I opened with my two number one celeb spouses: Emma Thompson and Steven Spielberg. Today’s lucky duo have been on the list since 2005; celeb hubby #2 has been fixed at numero duo ever since I clapped eyes on him, while celeb wife #2 took about a year to get to her current spot. Never the less, they remain two of the most powerful actors today and someday I will be married to one or both of them. Because I have goals. And I always accomplish my goals. Just give me a pack of Orbit Wintermint gum, a pair of scissors, some lube, and a duck mask, and I’ll have what I want within an hour or so.
Terrified? You damn well should be.
As that Kabuki-looking chick from The Hunger Games says: ladies first.
