#October2011
Samuel L. Jackson Is Highest-Grossing Actor of All Time. Wait, He Acts?
Samuel L. Jackson is now officially the highest-grossing actor of all time. Whoop there it is!
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BioWare Growing Community Through Cross-Platform Releases. Cross-Market Wunderfest!
Brand is everything. Products are irrelevant. BioWare is a brand, building brands. They need a community of consumers slathering and lathering at their brands. How can they grow this fucking community? Why, they’ve got to kick down the barriers of markethood and spread their brands into every niche possible. Just video games? You fucking neanderthals.
The White Rock Fingers of Mars Are Clawfully Awesome. [Pun Fail ++]
55-Gallon Tub Of Lube Promises The Slickest of Orifices. Forever.
I know what you’re thinking. “Sometimes in the midst of raging carnality, I despair at my lack of lube. Goddamn if only we had been a bit more judicious with our usage of it last week, but Jesus Christ the cantalope was calling.” Now you’re never going to need to worry again. You can buy a 55-gallon tub of lube.
Obsidian Entertainment Developing Game For ‘Leading Animation Franchise’. Poor Bastards.
Obsidian Entertainment. The company that (to me) took a fat shit all over the KOTOR and Fallout franchises. Twice being tagged in to come up with sequels to beast mode wunder-titles. Twice defecating. Everywhere. Now they’re developing for an enormous animation franchise or something. I feel bad for this foolish company.
OCTOBERFEAST – Inferno
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
Like any worthwhile annual event, OCTOBERFEAST owes its greatness not only to the current torchbearers but also its precedent-setting pioneers. If not for John Carpenter, we’d be without Halloween and They Live. How many of us would’ve ever embraced horror if R.L. Stine hadn”t made it palatable to our impressionable little minds? Thanks to Stingy Jack, October evenings are dotted with the warm glow of orange monster-faces.
To all these heroes, and too many others to name, a token of appreciation must be gifted.
But there is another who deserves even more praise. This man has been dead for nearly seven hundred years, but without his poetry we’d be devoid of one of the most fundamental premises of our modern Hallow’s Eve festivities. In truth, had this dude failed to bang out his seminal work, we could very well be bereft of some of the world’s finest horror movies, metal songs, Hot Topic shirts, and ill-conceived biker tattoos.
The fact of the matter is that Dante Alighieri’s Inferno defined Hell with an attention to detail that had never before been conceived.
The Coen Brothers Offer Justin Timberlake Role In ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’
Will you flog me with shit-mallets if I tell you that I enjoy Justin Timberlake’s acting? I haven’t seen In Time, though I’m certain I’ll get something out of it. I enjoy him though. And I enjoy the Coen Brothers. A lot. So I reckon I’ll enjoy this combo.
Fear Fest: Vampires.
OCTOBER 29th, Vampires
“The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him.”
-Garrett Fort
Vampires are everywhere. They are in our movies, they are in our books, they are in our children’s programs, hell they even sell us breakfast cereals. Metaphorically speaking, these creatures have lost their teeth. However there was once a time when these majestic creatures were more feared than cancer and aids combined.
Dude Accused of Bestiality, Blames Shapeshifting Prostitute. He’s Getting Jobbed!
If there’s one thing I learned from True Blood it’s that people have poor taste in television shows. If there’s two things I’ve learned it’s that banging shapeshifters gets you into trouble. I wish I could have told this to an adult my age who is now unfortunately getting charged with bestiality.
Video: Make Your Own Vigo the Carpathian Painting With Kinect. Ghosbusters Rockitude.
Take Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters 2. Mix him with dorks. Drizzle in some Xbox Kinect hacking. You get a real-life Vigo the Carpathian painting. What a monument to dork prowess.
