If the shit show that was Prometheus didn’t talk you out of believing that the sequel to Blade Runner would be good, take a fat hit of this to your dome. The fucking writer for the bloody diarrhea monster that was Green Lantern has been brought aboard the project.
Abandon hope, all ye.
Why are all the scientists so fucking dumb in Prometheus? ‘Cause Lindelof is a hack? Yeah, that’s probably correct. However, for those wanting to absolve Damon “I’m So Clever” Lindelof of blame, this video should be your smoking gun. It was their training. Doi.
It’s that time again. Time to shove our meaty paws into the depths of the internet grab bag and see what fun prizes we can scoop out. And this week is a treat: Pro-me-the-us! The film’s stunning visuals were like whipped cream on a pile of shit. But we already knew that from our more scholarly interpretations found elsewhere on Spaceship OL. Now we get to check out what other sardonic assholes thought, in the medium of meme.
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This isn’t really a Prometheus review. By now you’ve most likely seen the movie, read reviews, or heard about it from your boys. This article is a rant with plenty of spoilers.
Does anyone honestly expect greatness from Sir Ridley Scott anymore? There’s no doubt he’s still a master craftsman who can create some truly stunning visuals. But for a while now he’s been more concerned with those visuals than with minor annoyances like story and characters. That’s why for his prequel to Alien Scott was cool working off of a script originally written by the guy who wrote The Darkest Hour (remember that one?), that was later touched up by Damon Lindelof. We all know Lindelof from Lost, which we still argue about, but that’s only because we still love it so much.
It’s a bit of a stretch, asking anyone to come out of Prometheus this weekend without an overwhelming sensation of feeling hollow. It’s a rather empty, desolate film in all the ways that matter: setting, visuals, character – even plot. There just isn’t a lot there.
Compounding the problem is that the marketing machine behind the film has inadvertently already given you 90% of it. Walking out of the theatre tonight or tomorrow will feel like you’ve just seen an extended trailer, albeit a two hour one.
Before I went to see Prometheus last night, I spent the week watching every space mission movie I owned. So, after a while, I began wondering why these missions are populated with the stupidest people alive, because as soon as these idiots step off their craft, compound, whatever, common sense seems to fuck off to destinations unknown. And after this marathon culminated with Prometheus, I began compiling a list of rules, simple enough for these morons to follow, to ensure a safe mission and hopefully cut down on casualties.
Planning to take a trip to some uncharted planet? Print these out and keep them with you.
All hands on deck!
It appears that Spaceship Omega has inadvertently veered off course. Somehow, perhaps because Navigator Burton fell asleep after drinking too many Pepsi-and-gasoline cocktails, we have slipped into a pocket of spacetime usually avoided at all costs. That’s right, folks, batten down the hatches and brace yourselves! We’re headed right for it!
The beginning of the workweek!
As wave after wave of ennui, minutiae, and stress wash over us, we can rest assured. For every passenger of Spaceship Omega has a spot in the refuge known as the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! What is this sanctuary, you ask? Well, this is where I take the time to show you the various bits of entertainment and mind-drivel I’ll be using to survive the onslaught of real-world responsibilities. Then, you hit up the comments section and tell us which floatation device you’ll be clinging to when your ass is tossed into the Ocean of Obligation.
Yes, beneath the half-baked metaphors and bleeding-heart-on-my-sleeve hyperbole, it’s folks tryin’ to point one another in the direction of cool shit.
Oh no! Another wave! Let’s do this!
Hell of a picture right hurr, taken by Cassini. Check out a close-up of Saturn’s moon Dione, with all sorts of interesting things happening in the back ground.
Prometheus international poster. Blade Runner sequel news. Just hit the jump.
I’m just up and not watching anymore Prometheus sheezy. I’m not going to. However since I love you and your nougat, I’ll keep passing it along anyways, deducing content from other wonderful site’s descriptions.
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