Oh shiiiit, I fucking hate myself for that pun. As you read through Catching Fire, it quickly becomes clear that its author Suzanne Collins doesn’t really have much of a panache outside of her original (stolen, borrowed, remixed, whatever) conceit. So while it would be awesome if Jennifer Lawrence, the film’s mediocre director, and the entire rush job could transcend its source material, I ain’t fucking betting on it. None the less, here is the trailer.
It’s Katniss! It’s that guy whose name I don’t know, playing Finnick. They’re all posing, looking serious, rubbing up against one another. Wee.
The Lego Gaming Games series makes a good variety of people wet. Not me. However, I will surf the excitement this trailer and cover provoke in those in love with the titles, using them to conjure a portal to a dimension where I get to wear Jennifer Lawrence’s underwear. While she plays the banjo for me.
Double the movies, double the dough. I get why the studios have been splitting finales into halves. It makes a lot of financial sense. Thematically? Eh, I’m not so sure. Though, if there was a book that needed more room to breathe, it was the conclusion to Hunger Games. Maybe this is a good thing. Wait, what the fuck am I saying? This is double Jennifer Lawrence.
The following is probably a work of fiction.
It is Jennifer Lawrence’s birthday. National holiday. I knew that Jennifer Lawrence would love me right from the get-go. Now, don’t call this a coincidence, because you’re jealous. The first time, I swear the first time I saw The Hunger Games she winked at me. Right at me! This isn’t an optical illusion. Right as she is climbing into that little pod-tube thing to writhe about for a tepid forty minutes in a death match, she winked.
Amanda Plummer may be best known for work as a fucking crazy lady in Pulp Fiction, but that could change very soon. There ain’t anything like getting cast in an enorme vehicle flick to alter your perception in the public’s eyes.
I joke about The Hunger Games. Tease it a little. Despite this, I think it’s a solid young adult book. Mockingjay isn’t. It’s a turd sandwich, and they are fashioning it into two flicks. Either this is going to allow the movie to breath in ways the final book didn’t, or its going to be four hours of barely-mediocrity.
We all know that I’m going to see Catching Fire, my obsession with J-Law demanding supplication. Outside of her buxom bossiness though, I haven’t really been stoked about the flick. Then they said the magic words.
The mind behind Toy Story 3 may be brought on to punch up Catching Fire, the sequel to Everyone Loves A Good Adolescent Bloodbath (Games). Now if we could just get him to travel back in time to save the source novel.
Man, for a while I was amped. The list of potential directors for the Hunger Games sequel was stacked and everything was looking glossy. Now that they’ve announced the director my world has turned grey. A pall has emerged. Eh, whatever. Second book ain’t that great anyways.