It is the great problem of our time. Everybody wants to watch Game of Thrones, and ain’t nobody wanting to pay for the television package that will grant it. The general response is to either download it, pay for the corpulent package, or borrow someone else’s HBO GO password. A more progressive solution would be for HBO to offer a standalone HBO Go service. This has seemed like a pipe dream, but HBO’s CEO has warmed to the idea. A little bit. A smidgen Let me dream.
And I was wondering why HBO GO was running like raw-ass melted over ill performance last weekend. There are allegations that Comcast is privileging bandwidth for its own Xfinity app over others on the Xbox 360.
Verizon and Redbox are combining their powers to create a monolithic entity to grapple with Netflix. Good luck, boys! Netflix may have taken an arrow to the knee, but I’d still proclaim them Chief Gamma-Irradiated Beast. What’s the titan they’re fearing the tussle with? HBO. HBO indeed, yo.
Driving to work this morning, I saw a BMW pulled over in the breakdown lane. Hazards flashing. Black smoke billowing out from under the hood. The middle-aged driver pulled himself through the open sunroof, stood upright as though he were First Man emerging from the primordial birth canal, shook his balled-up fist at the sky, and let loose a guttural wail that cut through the nonsense-talkers inside of my radio-box. His briefcase was launched onto a station wagon, in the process cracking its windshield and scaring the illegal immigrants riding inside. He then slipped, fell off of the roof, and got to his feet just in time to spit blood into my open passenger side window as I drove by.
In my rear view, I saw him whip out his dick while strangling himself with his tie.
As such, it’s my pleasure to welcome you to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot where we share our panaceas for work-induced ennui and existential fatigue. After I show you the cocktail I’ll be using, hit up the comments section and show off your own self-medications.