#April2014

Maybe? These are leaked pictures of AMAZON’S 3D SMARTPHONE

smartest of phones

Here we be! Some “leaked” “maybe” pictures of Amazon’s upcoming 3D smartphone. I’m willing to stake my J-Law puppet collection on them being legit, though.

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AMAZON announcing their own SMART PHONE by June

Amazon introduces currencies up in the house.

Amazon is making 2014 the year they officially throw down the gauntlet with Google. “No!”, they yell. “We will be SKYNET. Not you!” Fuckers are making moves this year! Ingratiating themselves into every avenue of our distraction-laden lives. Set-top box. Drones. Comixology. Now releasing a phone.

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DAMN. AMAZON has bought COMIXOLOGY.

excited

The lumbering, heavy-lunged shamble towards the mono-culture continues on, friends. The latest merger between corporate entities isn’t as terrifying as Comcast and Time Warner. It’s more intriguing. Amazon, who pretty much sells Everything to All Of Us, has bought the number one provider of digital funny books.

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Amazon reveals their set-top box, “FIRE TV.” $99. Sort of GAMING CONSOLE too.

Fire TV.

A new challenger has entered the arena! It seems that everybody, everybody, everybody is in the set-top box game! Amazon’s swaggerlicious little ditty is called “Fire TV”, and if anything it’s pretty cheap.

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Amazon has bought a gaming studio. MOAR CONSOLES MOAR?!

amazon

It’s been rumored for a while that Amazon was hankerin’ to dip its toes into the console waters. And why wouldn’t it? Every prominent corporation these days seems to want to dominated moar markets always! Or perhaps in an ideal world all markets alwayz! So Amazon buying an gaming studio? Smacks of a logical progression for the CorpoGiant.

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Nicolas Winding Refn’s ‘BARBARELLA’ TV remake hitting AMAZON

Barbarella

Yet another hope and dream of Amazon’s for butting into the original television content market has been revealed. This dream is taking the form of Winding Refn’s Barbarella remake. Not exactly the next House of Cards, but hey — I didn’t expect much from that fucking series either. So yeah.

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Amazon was selling 426 ITEMS PER SECOND on Cyber Monday.

Amazon Smart Phone.

Amazon dun good this holiday season. Like, way good. I thought I was crushing it sell my crusty socks-turned-Jennifer Lawrence puppets. Sold three! One to Rendar, one to my fiance, one to my Mom. And Rendar didn’t even cry as I got my money from him at spork point, unlike the other two.

But man, Amazon did way better than me.

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AMAZON IS STARTING SUNDAY DELIVERIES. Rejoice, Weep, Praise.

Praise be.

Man. Nothing like getting paid on a Thursday and wanting to ransack Amazon for some neat things I don’t need. Only problem? Even with my Prime account that shit isn’t coming until Monday. (Unless you want to pay for one-day but fuck you.) This won’t hold! My American upbringing demands everything right now. Good Guy Amazon? Soon they’ll have my back.

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Amazon’s ‘KINDLE MATCHBOOK’ bundles PHYSICAL and DIGITAL COPIES. Frak yes.

OH MY GOD YES.

Rad ass. Sort of. Amazon is going to begin offering a digital copy of physical books that you snag. For a teeny fee. Frankly, I’m there. Maybe it’s bullshit or whatever that they’re going to charge the extra dough, but I’m a sucker. For far too long I’ve groused that I couldn’t lend a friend a hard copy of a book that I snagged for my Kindle. Or add it to my physical library, as a monument to my literary materialism.

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AMAZON developing ANDROID CONSOLE. MOAR CONSOLES ALWAYS.

SCREAMMM.

Errbuddy looking to get into that delicious gaming…game? If reports are to believed, Amazon is on their grind. Developing an Android console. Why not? I mean, it isn’t like we are saturated beyond belief in the gaming market. Does this interest your beautiful asses at all?

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