‘THE MASTER’ Farts In Xenu’s Face

There are few films with more buzz surrounding them this year than Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master – his first film since 2007’s cynical masterpiece There Will Be Blood. The rumors boiling online that it’s a fictionalized look at the origins of Scientology have fueled controversy – peaking when word spread that the church’s shit-eating poster boy Tom Cruise “has issues” with the film.

But the film is not an expose on Scientology and certainly not an attack on its sci-fi theology. Although nearly everyone in the film is a member of a blooming, controversial cult, PTA only uses Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard as a loose framework to stage his perplexing and brilliant character study set in post-World War II America. At this point, PTA’s grasp of cinematic expression is ridiculous. Every shot, every camera movement is sharp and profound. As with There Will Be Blood, The Master grips you by the balls before a single line of dialogue is spoken, which doesn’t happen until several minutes in. Once Joaquin Phoenix opens his mouth…game over, man.

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‘TOP GUN 2’ To Come Out Before ‘MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 5’…Oh Yeah Totally Makes Sense.

How the hot shit across a cold piece of bread does this make any sense. Some Paramount executive-cock fart has informed the world that before M:I5  will come Top Gun 2. Why follow up on the best installment in a franchise when you can recook a homoerotic Cold War propaganda flick?

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‘The Town’ Writer Peter Craig Scripting ‘Top Gun 2, I Propose ‘Xenu Prevails!’

Peter Craig, who wrote The Town  is going to be breathing life into a script for Top Gun 2. You’re totally stoked. Don’t lie. I can see the excitement in your loins with my heat vision.

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