Uh. Nintendo is eyeing the HEALTH MARKET for new platform.

Get your fucking health on!

Despite what this site and many others (we’re stupid together!) reported a couple of days ago, Nintendo  emphatically denied taking their software to other consoles. Sort of. I mean when Nintendo president Iwata says the company  “will use smart devices to attract customers to its hardware”, it feels like we’re delving into Obi-Wan speak. How are you going to use phones to entice customers? Demos, perhaps? Who knows. Vagaries like a fucking whirlwind. What do we know about the company? Well, it appears that their next move is…into the health market?

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Opinions Vary: I Miss Nintendo

Shigeru Miyamoto.

Two weeks from tomorrow, the PlayStation Fun Machine the Fourth drops. Three weeks from tomorrow, the Microsoft Xboned Before It Arrives will hit shelves. With the  console gaming world embroiled in the debate as to the merit of both machines, an olden warrior sits in the corner. Sales dismal, library laughable, nary a soul gives a fuck about the Nintendo Wii U.

Myself included.

I miss the days when I gave a fuck about Nintendo.

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WII outsells WII U in December. I laugh. A hearty laugh.

Hey! What’s wrong with this world. People aren’t buying a gaming console with a tablet for a controller like Nintendo expected. It is almost like they can play a game on a tablet without having to buy a console. Gasp! Farting sounds. Whomp whomp.

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[E3 2012 – Rayman Legends] Wii-U Brilliance

How gorgeous is this shit?  Just watch the vid.  No word if this is exclusive to the Wii-U yet, but damn if the touch mechanic doesn’t look fun to play with.

Hit the jump for the vid!

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Blowhard Schilling’s 38 Studios Lays Off Entire Staff; Industry Rallies To Help Workers

38 Studios had to lay off its entire goddamn staff. The entire thing. Not much of a surprise considering their first game had to sell three million  to break even. Thankfully the gaming industry is striving to help out the unemployed workers.

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Nintendo Announces ‘NEW SUPER MARIO BROS. 2’ For 3DS This August

Stack another game onto the pile of worthwhile adventures I’ll never embark on, me being 3DS-less and all. New Super Mario Bros. 2, dropping this August.

Hit the jump for some pictures.

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Miyamoto Says He’d Like To Make A Spirtual Sequel To A LINK TO THE PAST. Well Do It!

Shigeru Miyamoto hasn’t rocked out on Zelda game since 1991’s A Link To The Past, but the dude is jonesing now. Spitting some verbage (what?) with Edge Magazine, the Lord of Nintendo says he’s up for a spiritual sequel to the son of a bitch. In a certain capacity.

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Video: Miyamoto Confirms He’s Working On Unannounced Original Game. Hell Yeah.

Remember that time when Shigeru Miyamoto announced he was retiring and then everyone shit themselves and Nintendo shit too and then he wasn’t retiring anymore? Yeah, last month was awesome. Miyamoto still is kickin’, and he’s working on an original game. Hell yeah, Shiggy!

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Trailer: ‘Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword’. Starts Boring, Gets Dope.

I feel like I should be more excited for Skyward Sword. In fact, I’m not even planning on getting it right away. My how times have changed. The trailer just continues this ennui on my behalf. It’s pretty boring, boring, boring. Then the last five seconds seem pretty fucking swell. Then it ends.

Hit the jump to check it out, and let me know what you think.

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Nintendo Announcing Greater Loss Than Expected For First Half. What Will Wii Do?!

Nintendo is bleeding money out of its orifices. It’s a different concept, because since they launched the Waving Phallus-ii back in 2006 they’ve been printing money just to waste it wiping their cruddy bums on. These days? These days they be spittin’ losses everywhere. Double what was expected. Frowns. Frowns afoot.

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