I feel obligated to see this movie, given how much of my life Warcraft sucked up and spit out back in the day. How about you?
Well, the Demon Hunter shows no lack of raging fortitude, huh? I’ll be back for this WoW expansion, just like I’m back for all of them. (Though, I didn’t even play Warlords. I just uh, sort of bought it. But that counts on some level, right?)
Holy shit. For as long as OL has existed, have I ever been blathering about Duncan Jones’ dream project. The flick? A Blade Runner homage titled Mute. Through the years Jones has gone and done Source Code and Warcraft, and I had sort of written off ever seeing this movie. But! Now! It’s happening, and there are actual cast members.
Duncan Jones. Director of dope-ass Moon and fun-enough Source Code has talked about shooting a cyberpunk film for a hot minute. It seems like he was getting ready to actualize the product. And then Warcraft happened. But thankfully for those of us who have been holding out hope that the project will materialize, it seems Jones want to shoot Mute prior to Orcs and Wizards drops next year.
Although the numbers say otherwise! Millions are still rompin’ around Azeroth, even if their numbers have dwindled. Blizzard will pre-empt the busier holiday season with a September release of Mists of Pandaria (the previous two expansions both launched later, in November and December).
The highlights of today’s news include a digital deluxe edition for the game (as opposed to just the big bulky retail deluxe box, that and I and fifty thousand other nerds will still be buying), and the usual promo tie-ins with other Blizzard properties, Diablo III and Starcraft 2.
Thanks to Spaceship OL, I’ve been playing the beta of Pandaria (never going to accept that tragic name), and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the all-round quality-of-life improvements to the UI and the game in general, as well as how the game engine and art design have held up and kept the game looking fresh after nearly eight years.
Blizzard pretty much has a license to print money. Because World of Warcraft addicts do retarded things. Like pay twenty-five dollars for celestial donkeys to ride around with in-game. And I’ll be honest, I’ve been tempted to be that asshole. However, now Blizzard is going to charge people to use the game’s Auction House outside of the game.
Blizzard has rolled out the first phase of the remote World of Warcraft auction house, allowing players to browse auctions on the web or via iPhone, with subscription-based bidding and auctioning coming soon.
Earlier this year, Blizzard revealed that it was working on a remote auction house, allowing players outside of the game to browse, bid, and post auctions from the web and mobile devices like the iPhone and iPod touch. Now that service becomes a reality, with the 2.0 version of the World of Warcraft Mobile Armory now available as a free download via iTunes, along with a page on the web-based Armory dedicated to auction stuff.
Players can browse auctions, get notifications on when their items sell, and view the status of their pending auctions for free. Anything more than that, is going to cost you.
Coming soon, players will be able to pay $2.99 a month for the premium features of the Remote Auction House. Subscribing will allow players to bid on auctions, create new auctions from items in their in-game inventory, and collect gold from items sold, all without ever having to log into the game.
First, I realize it’s an out of game service, so maybe it’s not fair to complain about them charging for it. But I’m going to anyways.
Secondly, I can’t imagine a world where I need to POST AUCTIONS SO BADLY that I am going to pay THREE FUCKING DOLLARS A MONTH to monitor bullshit. If I was rich, sure. Whatever. But I ain’t. And most of the people I know who play WoW are either on Food Stamps, unemployed leeching college assholes like myself, or suffer from disabilities such as Lazy Assholitis. We’re not rich folks. So it seems extremely, insanely luxuriant.
What a terrible idea, suck the players into the game even when they’re away from the keyboard. Or maybe what a brilliant idea. Fucking posting stacks of Heavy Borean Leather from the dinner table.
The sickness spreads.
At some point in my life, I had to make a solemn pledge to myself. There came a time when I had to hold myself to a certain promise, no matter how painful it became. You see, there was a time when I said:
Ian William Drinkwater, you will not, I repeat WILL NOT play World of Warcraft instead of hanging out with your friends, or your girlfriend, and so help me God, if you turn down sex to make a raid on time, I will kill you. Which is sort of like killing yourself.
That I even had to have this conversation with myself is indicative of how addicted a player can become to World of Warcraft. If you don’t play the game, you won’t understand it. And if you do play the game, you’re probably thinking: No way bro, no way you’ll hold yourself to that standard.
And sometimes, sometimes it gets hard.
All of this is rummaging through my head as news trickles out that Blizzard’s COO wants us idiots to play their new MMO on top of WoW. The delicate balance that socially functioning nerds have between their crack and their lives always threatens to tilt and sway towards the darkness of empty soda cans and baggy eyelids.
There’s been this shitty fake bow that I had been sweating forever in Ulduar, the latest virtual weapon that means nothing in real life that has no impact on my existence. And yet it does. Week after week it eluded me. I swore and swore and found new exciting ways to chain together vulgar words like a fucking Ultra Combo in Killer Instinct.
And that’s what kept me coming back. Despite the monotony of the same fucking dungeon every week, despite the knowledge that I was squandering my life not writing, sitting in front of a computer screen, eating too much and staying up too late.
I needed that fucking bow. So I could shoot bad guys bigger, faster, more pwningly.
I had always defended my raiding life through various skillful rationalizations. You see, my guild raids at 10 p.m. It is the blessing/curse of my friend Brian choosing a West Coast server four years ago. So my rationalization always went like this:
Well, it’s a week night. And my girlfriend, being a functioning human being, who contributes to society, has to go to bed. She must sleep, because she isn’t a worthless parasite like myself. And so if she has to sleep, then I’ll be fine.
And to an extent, that’s true. If I lived on the West Coast, I couldn’t be raiding. In some ways, having to raid into the early morning is the only way it could work for me. There’s no way that I could spend every night from 7 p.m. until 10 p.m. in front of a computer. I’d miss dinner; I’d miss quality time with my girlfriend and friends.
DC, not comfortable with being utterly forgotten today, has released some new pictures of their MMO, DC Universe. I feel bad for DC. I don’t begrudge them from trying, but I have seen the future of this release. And it staunch mediocrity at best. Maybe it’ll cut out enough of a chunk to exist for a while. Maybe it’ll even be fun. But there’s no way that they’re going to be able to conquer the market. Blizzard continuously pumps out new WoW content to keep us junkies playing. Sure, maybe we’ll dabble in DC Universe. But like any man who leaves his girlfriend for a while for that cute girl who works at Newbury Comics and listens to the Pixies, we’re going to realize the truth: There’s a reason we spent four years with our beautiful WoW. Shit can’t compete.
Oh, and if shit could compete? It’s going to be Star Wars: The Old Republic. The loudest of MMO detractors are salivating over this release. My friend, The Dude, never misses a chance to take a swing at WoW and the stupidity of MMOs. And you know what? He’s pledged that he will be picking up the Old Republic. There’s only so many hours in the day, and when push comes to shove, it’s going to be a Star Wars/WoW world. That shit is just the truth.
[ check the pictures @ kotaku ]