#April2014
‘EPISODE VII’ CAST ANNOUNCED. MY NIPPLES HURT WITH GLEE.
Oh baby, my nipples are hurting. Nay. My nipples are leaking from excitement. The Episode VII cast has finally been announced, and it is stocked with a cavalcade of oldies and newbies that get me taut in all the applicable places.
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‘EPISODE VII’ News: Oscar Isaac up for major role. Plus Ford has “gigantic” role. Uh?
Shit, I’ll level with you. Probably none of this is actually news. First up. Oscar Isaac is up for a “major role”, if theater commitments can be accommodated. Second up. Harrison Ford has a “gigantic role” in Episode VII. Yup –you’ve read that right. In the blackout that surrounds Episode VII, mentioning that HAN FUCKING SOLO has a BIG ROLE is news. Am I perpetuating it? Aye.
Lucasfilm addresses ‘STAR WARS’ EXPANDED UNIVERSE. Dismisses It. And Keeps It?
Lucasfilm has finally come out and smashed the hopes, dreams, and dork-souls of many an SW:EU fan. Or maybe not? Frankly, it seems like they’re sort of doing two things. 1) Stating the obvious. Which is to say VII-IX is obviously not going to fucking follow the EU. 2) Announcing that the EU content will be slowly appropriated into the new Standardized Canon as they see fit, or perhaps more specifically as it can be made to fit.
‘STAR WARS’ RUMOR: BOBA FETT MOVIE is like CONFUSING DISNEY EXECS
So you know how Disney and LucasFilmFarm are supposed to be making all sorts of Star Wars spin-off flicks? And how one is like, supposed to totally obviously be a Boba Fett movie? Well the executives in the Mega-Mind-Monoculture Factory are totally scratching their heads trying to figure out how to pull the Fett movie off.
‘EPISODE VII’ News: Budget, Lucas’ Involvement, and Casting
Well shit if I’m going to pretend to be updating this site again I might as well do it with run-on sentences and Star Wars updates right am I right yes no right? Here we got ourselves some news about the budget the cast and George Lucas’ fat-necked involvement.
‘EPISODE VII’ News: UK Stage Actress Up For Role
Here’s some gnarly news. The promise that Episode VII will see some new faces in key roles hasn’t been confirmed or denied because…well, no fucking casting has been announced! But! Recent rumor-news-nebulous-things suggest this promise shall hold.
OMEGA-LINKS: Skywalker’s Dumb Parents, Stars, The Bordering Lands, & Moar
HEY FRIENDS. I was fucking busy today! So I didn’t get around to commenting on (to myself, and like that one weird guy in the corner with the gnarly erection and killer Reebok Pumps) the various news and notes from the around the internet in the past 24 hours. Instead of shuddering in a fluid-covered shell of inadequacy over my failure, I figure’d I would round these links up in one tight package.
After the jump! Pre-Sequels, Sequels to Classics, More Dumb Comic Book Movie News, and More!
No Duh: PETER MAYHEW returning as CHEWBACCA in ‘EPISODE VII.’
I thought we had confirmed this shit like last week, but alas — no. I mean I’m not saying I’m jumping on the news bandwagon today but…that’s exactly what I’m doing.
‘EPISODE VII’ News: It’s f**king SHOOTING NOW; casting ain’t complete.
Well here’s a little news to get my minuscule lightsaber dropping with residual Force leaks. (Or something. Man, I’m played out with my already dumb lightsaber-as cock-metaphors.) Turns out that Episode VII is already shooting, despite the fucking casting not being done. My assumption? Filming locations for action sequences or some shit.
‘UNCHARTED’ writer Amy Henning is now new ‘STAR WARS’ game’s creative director
I’m going to go ahead and say this now. Write it in digital stone. The next Star Wars game is going to rule. Drawing inspiration from the Batman: Arkham Games. Being spearheaded by Amy Hennig. This is fucking awesome.
