#March2014
NASA offering $6 Million to help solve their ASTEROID CAPTURING PLAN’S problems
NASA is offering a hefty bag of loot to anyone who can help unfuck their plans to capture an asteroid. And tow that son of a bitch to the Moon. Okay maybe “unfuck” is the wrong word. How about “assist in the surmounting of the more problematic issues” regarding this rad as fuck plan?
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SOLAR STORM in 2012 nearly FRIED ALL OUR ELECTRONICS. Bow before SOL.
It’s only a matter of time before the sun deploys a gnarly solar storm that knocks down our electrical grids. Fries our cell phones. Reduces us to chimps with boner pills and botox. Said time was almost two years ago, but we got lucky like a mofuckah’.
Space Swoon: NGC 1333 got that gorgeous cosmic stardust
NGC 1333 , man. I remember that place. Cruising around in the Space-Ship Omega. Picking up Hot Space Folk. Getting them to laugh at my jokes, show me their trisected brain-nipples. It was wild. This image doesn’t really capture all of that, but it’s a good start.
NASA planning ROBOTIC MISSION to Europa to SEARCH FOR LIFE.
We’re going to Europa! With a fucking robot in tow! Make no mistake about it, we’re hunting down life. The Europians shall soon know the glory that is McDonald’s, American football, and human excess! Flee while you can, fuckers!
NASA has announced discovery of 715 MORE EXOPLANETS
All the planets! We will discover them all! And then — then we will silently weep because we will never reach any of them. Goddamn technological limitations! Goddamn laws of the Universe.
The MARS ROVER photographed from space. Red Planet Perspective++
The Big Eye in the Sky ain’t limited to spying on homeless dudes in the streets, our dongs in our houses, and the wild packs of Werewolves that dominate the suburbs on weekends. No ma’am! It’s also got its eye on the Mars Opportunity Rover, making sure it doesn’t discover the secret Illuminati base on Mars. Scary, right? But there’s a bonus! We get wild pictures like this.
Kepler Telescope LIVES AGAIN; already spotted a planet
Everybody lick up the forties that you spilled for the Kepler telescope! Lap that alcohol up, ain’t no use wasting it for nothing. You see, that plan for reviving the Kepler took! Took a hold, and revived the son of a bitch.
SPACE SWOON: Here’s a look at EARTH from MARS.
Stunning picture of Earth from Mars right up in here. Perspective++, brolos. Ain’t nothing better than being reminded that we’re just a little cute irrelevant speck in the cosmic dust. If we used that revelation to strive for something bigger, of course. Oh, me? I’m going to slap Double Gulps from 7-Eleven all day and look at porn. I’m no leader! You, go, start the revolution. Or pass the Fritos, I don’t care.
Hit the jump for the images.
Mars’ red face goes gorgeous blue after asteroid rocks it
Not everything is Ray Bradbury and Mars Attacks up on the surface of the Red Planet. (What does that mean? Nothing. Just making up nonsense.) An asteroid struck the face of Ares between 2010 and 2012, leaving Mars feeling a little blue.
Hit the jump for the image and some deets.
NASA’S CURIOSITY ROVER is now DRIVING ITSELF ON MARS. Skynet cackles.
Oh yeah this is totally cool. To-ta-lly. That little fucking robot on Mars is no longer doing our bidding, finally switching over to its autonomous navigation. This is all cute and shit until it builds its first colony of nanobot assassins.
