Sega! The fuck you up to, dudes? The Game Gear Micro? A handheld that’s screen is only 1.15-inches? Uh, okay!
Yakuza 7 is coming next year, fuckers. And it’s got itself a meaty-assed change in tow. The seventh installment is going from beat-em-up to turn-based combat. This is fucking wild, even to me, a schlub who hasn’t played the series.
I’ve never gotten into Sega’s Yakuza series, despite wanting to. I don’t know if I’ll play this extreme remake, despite it being a perfect opportunity to get into said franchise. However, I certainly am interested.
I loved Bayonetta. Never played the second. But man I’m there if they put out a new Bayonetta for the PS4/Xb1, or even a port of the second.
Space Channel 5. Holy fucking shit, does that name recall some memories. Namely, being a 260-pound virgin high school senior who was getting vague erections from a rhythm game. But I mean, those memories aren’t that bad?
Sega’a Rent A Hero is being adapted into a movie. Are you familiar with this property? No? How could you not know? Why, it’s a title from Sega’s Japanese Mega Drive that dropped in 1991! A natural selection for a movie!
Man. My kingdom for another Jet Set Radio. You may be asking, and I will tell you: my Kingdom is a collection of Pepsi Max cans, various Funk POP! collectibles, and three pairs of heavily-used underwear. It seems like a square deal, no? But for those of you looking to hold out in different ways, perhaps downloading Jet Set Radio for free on Steam.
Back in the day, Sega didn’t give a fuck. It was high on cocaine and blast processing, throwing money at men, women, and new console iterations. One of those iterations that never saw the light of day was the Pluto, a Sega Saturn with built-in online capabilities. ‘Cause that used to be special. Now a prototype of this little pig has hit the internet.
Confession time: I missed last week’s article for three incredibly valid reasons.
- Borderlands 2
- A stealth hangover (seriously did not see the bastard coming)
OK, I possibly invented the third one, but still one and two are still pretty solid. Now, do you see the validity? Absorb it. Forgive me and then let’s move on. I’m about to hit you with such an incredibly powerful fistful of gaming news and titillation that you’ll wish I’d finally eaten myself into that early grave.