#May2014

Sony CEO thinks PS4 will exceed PS2 profits. BIG WORDS, BRO

 

Kaz Hirai Hogan.

Kaz Hirai ain’t fucking around! Surfing the PS4’s excellent sales like they were a mescaline-and-codeine wave of narcotic hyperbole, the motherfucker is tripping all sorts of arrogant balls. Proclaiming that the PS4’s profits will exceed that of the wunderkind PS2. Dream big, bro. Do drugs, bro. Take off your pants in a Walmart, bro. Right in the electronics section. Stick a Dual Shock 4 straight up your ass, yelling “I made this! It can go where I want it to!” The world is yours.

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MOAR CONFIRMED? PS4 getting PS1 & PS2 games in NATIVE 1080p

GIVE ME.

All I want in life is to be able to play my old school PlayStation games on my PlayStation 4-Some. In 1080p. Is that too much to ask? (I actually want a lot of other things: a golden dildo with my name engraved, a falcon, limitless supplies of Diet Mountain Dew, to name a few.) Soon I may be getting one of those wishes granted (unfortunately not the fucking falcon).

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SON OF A BITCH: GAMESTOP MANAGERS getting PS4 & SEVEN GAMES AT LAUNCH.

FUCK.

How quickly can I infiltrate the ranks of GameStop? I must walk among them, showing prowess at peddling bullshit warranties and slamming pre-orders down customers’ throats. For if I can ascend to manager by November 15, I will get myself a free PS4.

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PLAYSTATION 4 RELEASE DATE ANNOUNCED: NOV. 15 LIKE WUT.

Pumped up and ready to rock!

It’s been dated! The arrival of the PlayStation Computing Station-Fourth! Begin pinching your pennies and hocking your seminal fluids and other reproductive goods. You have until the middle of this November.

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Sony dropping PLAYSTATION 4 release plans on August 20. TELL ME.

PlayStation 4.

Dear Sony: I have you all prepped to take my money. The PS4 has been pre-purchased on Amazon. My frothing desire mounts. Now just tell me when the fucking console is dropping.

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Rumor: PLAYSTATION 4 dropping OCTOBER 21. MY BODY IS READY. (My wallet? Eh.)

PlayStation 4.

Ever since I signed a contract with the guy behind the 7-Eleven who promised me a launch PS4 in dick blood and tears, I’ve wondered to myself. Namely, what the fuck am I doing with my life? How did he know I’d be so happy to scab my cock head just for a gaming console? Oh! And also when the fucking jam was going to breach shelves.

Well, it looks like we may have an answer.

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PS PLUS not required to RECORD AND STREAM GAMES ON PS4. XBOX ONE? $$$

PlayStation Mania.

How long until this Microsoft’s stance on this is rolled back? It seems like a swaying song and dance at this point. Sony unleashes a feature for free. Microsoft charges for it. We all gnash our teeth. Said feature becomes available for free on the XBONE.

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Pseudo PS4 Gets Built Based On RUMORED SPECS, Subsequent Results Worthless.

It must be fun to rock out at a gaming magazine. You can just do things to…do them. The crew at  Official PlayStation Magazine UK built a “PS4” based off of the rumored specs, ran a few games on it, and then dismissed the results as meaningless. Wait — what?

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