Press Start: Haggar n’ Humanity

Hey guy, like the video games? The bleep-de-bloops? The whizz-pop and the shazmatt? Does it even matter? I mean, really, in this day and age; what with microchips and the constant ebb of information, who cares what you’re actually reading about? Words, man. They’re just words and so, here’s roughly 915 of the buggers.

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Press Start: Memes and Self-Loathing in Cyberspace

Welcome to Press Start! You know the drill: I regurgitate stories that I hope you haven’t already read whilst I simultaneously resist the urge to talk about my junk and flog myself for being such a hack. Join me. Oh, it’s about video games, I mentioned that, right?

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Press Start: moist palms and stat-tracking qualms

This week my prayers were finally answered. After weeks of ceremoniously burning copies of Too Human as sacrifice to my polygonal God, the games industry has finally started moving again. This week’s Games Con saw a whole host of sexy new trailers and announcements, including the likes of Star Wars: 1313, Metal Gear Rising and the impressive Remember Me.

Now that you’ve watched those, here’s my selection of the not quite so prominent goings-on in the games industry, or at least the happenings that won’t just result in two paragraphs of me gushing like a schoolboy.

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Press Start: boredom-fueled bio-shocks

Believing in the realness of your own excellence is not just an enlightenment-based video series that I am currently marketing. No; it’s more, much more than that. Believing in one’s own excellence, and indeed the realness of said excellence, is a commodity in startlingly short supply.

Take the video games industry, for example. Day upon day, games get cancelled and teams announce ‘safe’ projects just to be sure of that crucial paycheck. ‘Why?’ I hear you ask. Unfortunately, my friends, it is because those working in the video games industry display the most startling lack of belief in the realness of their own excellence. Click this link for more info. Bulk discounts available. Let us delve into the shocking evidence that shows why now, more than any other time, that the games industry needs to start believing in the realness of its own excellence ™.

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Press Start: Homebrew & Homo-eroticism

Friends, I have undergone massive, personal changes this week. I decided to finally turn my back on the dark arts and have since ceased to be a necromancer, instead choosing to focus my powers on the noble art of aquamancy.  It was a huge change for me and my family and we are slowly learning to live our lives without summoning hordes of the undead to do our bidding. It’s tough. On the plus side though: you need some water conjured? Bam, I’m there.

Obviously, there is more to my life than sorcery: video games, for example. Here’s what happened in them this week.

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Press Start: Death, Duke and Shagging

Welcome back to Press Start: a column that used to be written by Caffeine Powered. Whilst he battles his crippling addiction to bath salts I’ve agreed to fill in, so without further ado; I present you with five individual, shrink-wrapped nuggets of gaming news all prepped and ready for your consumption.

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Press Start: to continue

Dear friends. It is with a heavy heart that I write this, my first guest spot on Press Start! Many of you will remember our beloved Caffeine Powered as the articulate, junk grabbing slop enthusiast that regaled us with tales from the very frontiers of video game development and culture. I want you to hold on to that memory as tightly as you can. The last time I saw him – barely covering his modesty with tattered rags, excitedly drawing my attention to his bedroom walls: hosting his life’s work rendered in fecal matter – he told me that I needed to resurrect this information behemoth. I willingly accepted. And promptly left the premises.

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