All the fucking Disney News! ALL OF IT. ‘Cause, you know. The Mouse owns Marvel and Star Wars, brewing up my childhood in a terrifying Mono-Culture Brew. After Dr. Strange’s directorial announcement yesterday comes today’s Star Wars spin-off reveal. THE MOUSE SHALL TAKE OUR MONEY AND DRINK OUR CULTURAL BLOOD.
You know what movies come out in February? Typically? Cast-off movies. Fallen movies. Movies that the companies have no confidence in, wish to bury, silently hope to ignore until oblivion. And given everything I’ve seen out from Jupiter Ascending, I cannot say I’m surprised it has been banished into The February Wasteland.
Jordan Vogt-Roberts directed last year’s indie darling Kings of Summer. So it should stand to reason that he’s taking the next logical step. A gazillion-dollar gaming franchise adaptation Leviathan. That’s how it goes now, folks. Indie darling. Blockbuster director. Disenfranchised source of fanboy disdain. It’s logical.
OOPH! And we all thought that the Marvel/Edgar Wright split seemed unseemly. A more sordid rumor making its rounds is that Marvel is going to put Fantastic Four on hiatus because the comic will help promote Fox’s movie. Man. I mean. That’s seventy-shades of fucked up, to me. Pushing (at least) the pause button on Marvel’s First Family? As a strong arm tactic against the studio that owns the movie rights?? So fucking dumb.
A shortlist of the directors that could replace Edgar Wright on Ant-Man has been revealed. And while there’s no replacing Wright, and it seems awkward that someone is going to be helming his brain baby, there are certainly worse directors than the ones revealed. (Better ones too, okay, granted.)
The MCU was going way too smoothly, right? This was bound to happen. Eventually. Shame that this announcement MAKES MY ASSHOLE QUIVER WITH SADNESS. One of the most anticipated flicks in the MCU with one of my favorite directors has now found that relationship sundered.
As much as I loved Django Unchained, it was not without its pacing problems. Primarily like, the last hour or whatever the fuck. So if Quentin Tarantino wants to go back and fatten her up, I’m game. The idea that he would want to split it up into a miniseries? Intriguing.
Get it! ‘Cause they’re cramming every single fucking character from the DCU into this movie for some unexplainable reason? It’s the dawn! Of Justice! League! Wait. No, no, no. It ain’t the Justice League flick. Wink. But I mean…if they’re rushing everything so much, why not just acknowledge it and title the movie fittingly. Justice League: Everybody In The Kiddie Pool Except Superman and Batman Because They’re Too *Sad* To Change Into Their Trunks. I like my title.
We’ve got more details regarding the next Coen Brothers’ flick, Hail Caesar. The film is about a Hollywood fixer during the height of the studio system up in the Woods of Holly. As is the case with any Coen Brothers movie, I am dribbling with interest.
This movie needs to get inside me already.