Shucks howdy!, everyone. This is your friendly comic book column. You know, the one where I, the blather monster tell you all the comic books I’m interested in this week. You wrestle with your distaste for me, and ideally then let me know what you’re diggin’ on in the comments box.

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Marvel’s dropped a new teaser for the awkward, awfully named Fear Itself: The Fearless. Like, really? Clunky a-go-go. Brakes! I’m pumping them. It’s also written by Matt Fraction, and it has Valkyrie wanting to cut down the FF to save the world.

Hit the jump for the teaser.

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You know the story. Marvel killed off Peter Parker, and replaced him with a half-Latino, half-Black character named Miles Morales. Divisive as fuck. Forced some claim, excellent others exclaim. This week the first issue dropped with him in it, and the question quickly shifted to: is this fucking comic good?

The answer for me? Absolutely.

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Pretty funny video out of the Marvel camp. Wolverine has himself some brain dysfunction, but in this skit he uses it to his advantage. Drankin’. Jean Grey slammin’. Stabbin’. I laughed at this. Felt guilty doing it. But I did.

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I’ve been rather  vociferous  in my support for Miles Morales. I had an idea that just the hype (whether you liked the concept or saw it as shoe-horning) would push sales of Ultimate Spider-Man #1. I didn’t anticipate this sort of deluge.

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Marvel has revealed ‘The Mighty’ in advance of  Fear Itself  #7. I’m struggling to figure out how this isn’t a complete rip-off  of Blackest Night.

Hit the jump to see for yourself.

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I don’t want Jeph Loeb writing anything  anymore. I know it sounds disrespectful, but I dread his work. A decade ago I would have swooned at the idea that he’s writing a Cable/Avengers crossover, now I’m just interested in a car crash sort of manner. Cable! He died. Somehow. Cable! He’s back. And he is looking as ludicrous on this side of Liefeld as you could imagine. Just look at the promo. Look at that gun. It’s enormous, and more importantly even disregarding its size it looks dumb. Man I’m cranky and hating.

So what’s the event about?

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The grinding in the temples reminds me that I’ve only slept for three hours in the past forty-eight. The pain in the clenched jaw. Life! Gets busy. How the fuck you doing? This is Variant Covers the column where we dance the dance of funny books, speech balloons, splash pages. And the et cetera. We tell the tale of what we’re buying this week. Quickly! We must do this quickly. The sleep approaches, but as per usual. There’s wood to chop. Always wood to chop.

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Marvel is beginning to excel at using awful, awful teasers to hype up events coming down the pipe. For every dope line of Fantastic Four #600 teasers, there’s putrid ones like this. No seriously, whose kid are they letting intern in the graphic design department?

Hit the jump to check it out.

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Oh my gosh! The Flashpoint has come and gone! The DC ‘New 52’ has arrived with all the musty fart pomp-and-circumstance-and-nothing-much-else that you’d expect. Last week saw just the conclusion of the worst storyline to cause a Universe relaunch ever, and the first issue of JL(A). And yeah kids, I’m counting Heroes Reborn as better than this nonsense. It had Onslaught! Franklin Richards! Other stuff! Rob Liefeld! This is a new week though, and filled with new titles from DC that actually get me a bit excited. More importantly, this is the return of Mr. Quinn.

Variant Covers. Your pull-list for the week. Show me. I’m practically begging.

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