#September2019

Amazon’s ‘Lord of the Rings’ series casts ‘Bandersnatch’ star Will Poulter as lead. Sure, okay, I have no opinion on this.

lord of the rings amazon will poulter

Amazon’s Lord of the Rings has cast Will Poulter as the lead. It is a series that I will absolutely not be watching. That said? The dude is a good actor.

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That ‘Lord of the Rings’ TV series for Amazon is going to be a prequel. ‘Cause why not the teats must be milked

lord of the rings amazon prequel series

Hey! How do the powers that be at Amazon compensate for pretty much all of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit having been beaten into paste, snorted, puked up, and snorted again? ‘Cause, you know, they’ve got a TV series coming? Prequel, baby! Ah yes, that insipid fucking narrative technique.

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Amazon in talks for a ‘Lord of the Rings’ TV series, in case the franchise wasn’t already paste

amazon lord of the rings tv series

I thought Peter Jackson and his nauseating ocular puke jobs masquerading as Hobbit movies had already stretched Tolkien as far as he could go. But, I was wrong! Amazon is taking another stab at extracting every ounce of wonder from the franchise.

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Peter Jackson and his ‘LOTR’ team are adapting ‘Mortal Engines’

peter jackson mortal engines

Peter Jackson and the writing team behind Lord of the Rings are adapting Mortal Engines for the big screen. Jackson will be writing the script with Fran Walsh and Phillipa Boyens, and Christian Rivers will be directing.

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Tolkien’s 88 year-old ‘BEOWULF’ translation finally published

BeoWulf.

Oh shit! Tolkien’s 88 year-old translation of “Beowulf” is finally seeing the light of day! I can’t fucking wait! In all honesty I didn’t even know this shit existed. However, it is certainly fucking cool that we will see the Hobbit King’s translation of a work which Surely Influenced Him. GOOD LUCK fucking topping HEANEY’S TRANSLATION THO, bro.

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Rumor: Universal and Tolkien Estate planning Middle-earth Theme Park. Walk the boring walk yourself!

Naw, I’m just playing. I want to go to Middle-earth. It seems like a pretty awesome place. Just walking around with your bros, hugging and tickling pretty much on the reg. Fall down some hills, finger vaginal symbols and fear its influence. Command ghost armies. Fly giant eagles like way, way too late into the adventure. Let’s get this theme park going.

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New dinosaur named after SAURON from ‘Lord of the Rings.’

Hell yeah! While it isn’t exactly the embodiment of the Evil like his character in LOTR, a dinosaur is a pretty menacing thing to hang the name Sauron on.

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‘THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY’ gets 20 new images. Including Legolas’ dad.

Here’s a truckload of new pictures from The Hobbit: Bloated Subtitles. Nothing really tremendous in them for me, but I’m not particularly excited about the whole endeavor at this point.

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The Hobbit Has a New, Aptly Bucolic Poster

Confession time: I consider myself a fan of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Shocking, I know, but it is just a wonderful trifecta of blockbuster filmmaking, made by an undeniably talented director (though his talents have been a bit dormant lately), cast, and crew, with all the tools and TLC necessary to bring to life an entirely new world for the big screen. And nothing illustrates this successful combination better than the series’ view of life in the Shire. It is nothing short of a pastoral wonderland, a terrific image of happiness and security before our dear hobbit friends must go on a dangerous adventure far away from it. The whole series, literally and figuratively, begins with the Shire, and the farther the characters go, the better the Shire looks to them (and the movies look to us, since it gives the audience a solid foundation). And, damnit, the more time goes on without new sights of the Shire, the more I long to go back there again as well. Luckily, Peter Jackson just wrapped up filming The Hobbit and, judging by this new poster, it doesn’t appear that he is skimping on the idealized Shire. Take a gander after the jump.

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‘Uncharted’ Originally Had Tolkien-esque Elements. Bullet Dodged!

I love me some Uncharted. Like, love me. I love me some Lord of the Rings. Originally these two beauties were going to collide in the original premise of Uncharted. It never happened, gritty grunting shooters causing Sony to demand “realistic” games, whatever that means.

Such did not pass!

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