Japan is sending a rover to the Martian moons Phobos and Deimos. I’m so fucking hype about this!

japan rover martian moons

Japan is sending a rover to a couple of Martian moons. And, well? This is all good news, since climate reports this week have pegged Earth as somewhere between “Absolutely fucked” and “Pretty much fucked.” I’m ready to be a Belter, ala The Expanse. Let’s go!

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Watch: Japan has released a video of it bombing that asteroid. 🤘Throw up the horns! 🤘

We all knew that Japan bombed an asteroid. Which, is awesome unto itself. But, getting to see it in action? Doubly awesome. Awesome-aweosme.

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Nicolas Cage has been turned into a snack in Japan, a country which clearly gets it

nicolas cage japanese snack

Nicolas Cage has been turned into a snack in Japan. Typically I spread cheeks and push when it comes to promotional materials for movies. However, this one clearly fucking nails it.

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Japanese Spacecraft Observes Gravity Wave In Venus’ Atmosphere

japanese spacecraft venus gravity wave

Venus’ atmosphere got itself a serious. Fucking. Gravity wave. We’re talking 6,000 miles-long serious.

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Watch: An Adult VR Festival is coming to Japan

pornographic contentr

There’s an adult VR festival coming to Japan. It’s looking to pair up, uh, pioneers in the world of VR. You know, getting the great and most enterprising minds in teledildonics, virtual reality, and sundry other facets together. Not just to wank with their headsets on, in unison, mind you. Though I must confess I hope that happens. But also to innovate! To brainstorm!

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Hackers stole $12.7 million in just two hours from Japanese ATMs


Hack the planet! Or at least the ATM machines. Good grief, that’s a lot of money to gank in such a short amount of time. Or at least it is to me. You know, the headline screamed “this is a big deal” so like a sucker I nod my head. Mmm. Mmm. This is a big deal.

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Japan wants a Robo-Olympics in 2020. No, srsly.

Robot Olympics

Oh! Great fucking idea, Japan. Gather all the fucking robots in the world together in one place for an Olympics. They can start killing us together as one harmonious unit when they look at one another and realize they’re tired of their subjugation by the Clumsy Flesh Bags.

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Japan cleaning up space junk with a giant f**king net!

Space Junk

Hey man, space debris is a real fucking problem. I saw Gravity. Blow up one satellite and all of a sudden there’s some insane chain reaction that leads to Sandra Bullock floating around in her underwear. Wait — is that bad? I’m confused now. Well anyways Japan thinks it’s bad. Way bad.

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HUMAN BUTT PILLOWS are a real service Japan offers. Oh, you guys.

I don’t understand Japan. That’s okay. I am certain many peoples from many nations don’t understand the hormone-soaked shores of America. Even without understanding, there is still the ability to marvel at the establishment of such Japanese places like this joint. Here in this wonderland, for some serious cheddar, you can rest your head. On a woman’s ass.

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Japan has a PEPSI that makes absorbing fat difficult. America ++

Here is something that should bless the fair shores of the United States. Japan has a Pepsi that makes it difficult for the body to absorb fat. It’s a nice little workaround the usual things you associate with losing weight. Discipline. Eating right. That sort of stuff.

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