I’ve been sweating fucking Chainsaw Man since last year’s announcement of its anime adaptation. Have I used this time to read the manga? You know the answer, don’t make me feel like a piece of shit. Instead, enjoy this goddamn glorious trailer for the anime, which drops this October.

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This is the way, motherfuckers! Or at least, it seems to keep me going. Eating food, and basking in the delights of pop culture. Cause let me tell you, it’s rough sledding for this dude these days. Like, an actual thought I had this morning as I prepared to teach?  At my computer desk? Again? I thought to myself, it feels like going back to prison.

Holy moly! What a fucking awful thought. A prison sentence, albeit with fellow inmates I enjoy. However, a prison sentence none the less. I hadn’t sat at the desk all weekend, and as I steeled myself to sit down, I realized how much I was dreading it. Right in the bubble guts. Right in the scrotum of my soul.

But, at least I can kick it with you fucks. And, at least there’s some shit I’m looking forward to this week. You know, the pop culture delights that’ll sustain me, as the weather unravels. As the days darken. So, I’m about to enumerate that bullshit for you, and I hope you’ll join me in the comments.

This is Monday Morning Commute!

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Halloween is one of my Carpenter blindspots. Now, now, I know what you few OLers are thinking: another fucking classic movie Caff hasn’t seen! But, that’s not the case. I have seen it, just not in a hot minute. So, I don’t really know how much justice this reboot trailer does the original. That said, I fucking enjoy it. So there’s that?

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John Carpenter is returning to the Halloween franchise, folks. Not in the manner you may be thinking though, if you haven’t, you know, paid any fucking attention to the movie’s development. Nah, he ain’t directing. Instead, he’ll be providing the score.

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Fuck to the yeah! I’ve actually been way into Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ Girl With The Dragon Tattoo score lately. So with them on my dome-piece, I’m down with their remix of the classic Halloween theme.

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Jamie Lee Curtis is going to be returning to the Halloween franchise, friends. Apparently she died or some shit, I guess?, but writers Danny McBride and David Gordon Green are going to ignore Halloween: H20 and Halloween: Resurrection. Which…she died in. Or something. I don’t know, I haven’t seen those fucking movies.

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It’s the freakin’ Weekend, baby! Halloween Weekend, to be exact! Slice your flesh-sack, provide the blood to the altar! Summon a wonderful fucking weekend for yourself, and the other denizens of the Perpetually Decaying Universe! Entropy! Ain’t nothing more fucking terrifying than that! But we’re here! We’re here, together! So let’s hang out at the Open Bar!

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Come one, come all, into Monday Morning Commute. The one-stop weekly existential circle jerk for everyone: from degenerates, to sinful nuts. From scholars, to scatalogical 7-Eleven workers. I want you all. Staring into the Cosmos, I bellow. Give me your perverted, give me your poor. Your despondent, your determined, your omni-dimensional, poly-sexual, pan-physical space lords.   I want you all, so long as you follow the faintly scrawled rules upon the walls of this  residence– the pop culture geek lord glory hole in the stank bathroom of the Internet. First, you listen to what I’m looking forward to this week. Second, you respond in kind, sharing your own anticipations and musings, so long as you follow the golden rule: god damn it, you’ve got to be kind.

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I Eat Teeth.

You could say it’s an idiosyncrasy. Some people need to pull their socks up after they sit down. Some folks need to turn the faucet three times to the right before they can leave the bathroom. Others shine their shoes so they can look up them skirts on the subway train.

I Eat Teeth.

Big whup. Mom didn’t like it when she was around. But now she ain’t around. She’s behind the shed. And yet. Still.

I Eat Teeth.

Dad didn’t let me visit the nursing home no more after that one time. Didn’t think I should eat teeth. But now he ain’t around no more neither.

I Eat Teeth.

Mom, Dad, the Neighbors, the Teachers. I’m sure they had their own thing. Dad’s tissues next to the nightstand told me was up to somethin’. Mom’s perpetual change of clothes in her car. The Neighbors’ pool parties with their friends, the teacher’s eyes and the cheerleaders’ skirts. Don’t matter. We all got our thing.

I Eat Teeth.

Mom’s teeth, Dad’s teeth, Ted’s teeth, your teeth. But no worry. You live in me and I live in the Center and together we live forever.

I Eat Teeth.

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