#May2013

Source: MICROSOFT SIX MONTHS behind where they want to be with NEXT XBOX. Duruhroh!

SMASH.

Some people around these parts are going to lube themselves with this news and just start straight-up punishing their pink bits. (Yes Neo, I’m looking at you.) Word has come out that Microsoft isn’t nearly where they want to be in the development of the Durascal 720-Kinect 2 Leviathan, to the tune of six months.

Hit the jump for the cuts, then let me know what you think.

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NEXT XBOX getting EXCLUSIVE from ‘CALL OF DUTY’ creators. Shots fired.

OH MY GOD 720 EXCLUSIVE.

Let’s side-step what we think of Call of Duty, or the potential game from its creators. The fact that Microsoft may be sewing up the next game from these lads is pretty impressive. The Duty franchise is a veritable license to print money, and while there isn’t anything guaranteed about this new franchise I have to imagine it’ll be making crazy dollars. In a world where Sony and Microsoft are struggling to differentiate their console from the others, this could be a hell of a marketing point.

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‘CALL OF DUTY: GHOSTS’ is probably revealed, MORE DUTIES FOREVER.

Call of Duty - Ghosts.

Another year, another Call of Duty. This newest one is reportedly by Infinity Ward, and subtitled Ghosts. Makes sense, since IW has been on that every-other-year grind for a while, and Ghosts is nice and mysterious.

Hit the jump for more.

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NEXT XBOX being revealed on MAY 21. BALLMER SNORTING COKE, JACKED ALREADY.

Steve Ballmer is ready.

The Next Xbox is being revealed on May 21. There are unconfirmed reports I’m going to dress up like Bill Gates and jack off into a blender filled with Xbox hardware. As I watch, it’ll hurl tech-shrapnel deep into my guts. I will orgasm.

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REAL LIFE PHOTOS x 16 BIT-VIDEO GAMES = worthy mash-up.

Super Adventure Island.

Great fucking idea right here. Take some classic video games, take some esoteric video games, and incorporate them into real life photographs. Hit the jump for a look.

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New BETHESDA game is a SHINJI MIKAMI jam. I’m all about that life!

Shinji Mikami, motherfuckers.

Well, shit. I certainly didn’t see this coming. It ain’t Fallout 4, and for that I’m going to rope-a-dope by balls with a frozen sirloin steak. It is what must be done. It ain’t the end of the world, though. Shinji Mikami. Bethesda. I’ll take it.

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IT LIVES! Check out a SEGA PLUTO PROTOTYPE. S’real, yo.

Sega Pluto -- wut wut.

Back in the day, Sega didn’t give a fuck. It was high on cocaine and blast processing, throwing money at men, women, and new console iterations. One of those iterations that never saw the light of day was the Pluto, a Sega Saturn with built-in online capabilities. ‘Cause that used to be special. Now a prototype of this little pig has hit the internet.

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Leak reinforces idea that NEW XBOX will be always-connected. Bleh.

Rumor!

Last time I posted about the possibility that the new Xbox will be always-on, more than one person pointed out what a dangerous roll of the dice this would be. You know, always-on games and always-on consoles are two beasts. How many people would Microsoft lose out on, from this policy alone? And what would the risks be? Look at the fucking SimCity debacle. So I was convinced that it probably wasn’t going to happen. Now? Now I am not so sure.

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Bethesda hiring for unannounced NEXT-GEN CONSOLE GAME. Fallout 5: New Tokyo?!

Fallout is fucking back

Bethesda is hiring for an unannounced next-gen game. If I had my druthers, I would bet that it is Fallout 5: New Tokyo, starring Vin Diesel. Perhaps fortunately I am broke, and so those who are smart enough to take me up on that bet are incapable of doing so.

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PETER MOLYNEUX quit his company because of a parody Twitter acount. Future ++

Good news, folks. If a creator you either particularly like or disdain has erred, you can help them. If they have spiraled into a fatal descent of bloated promises, you can help pop their delusional packaging and drag them into reality. All you need to do is create a Twitter account and relentlessly savage them.

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