#March2011
Mass Effect 2 DLC ‘Arrival’ Is Overpriced Quasi-Transition.
I’m a big honking fucking slut for Mass Effect, its entire franchise, and whatever sort of refuse BioWare will peddle out with its name stamped on it. Admittedly. Since Mass Effect 2 came out, I’ve bought all the DLC, happily wasting my hard earned Imperial credits on throwaway content that should have been a quest on the disc. A quest on the disc that I would have pounded through and sort of bemoaned it. Then Lair of the Shadow Broker dropped, and I was all, “Oh shit! A legit dope quest!” A quest so good that I deemed it better than a good 75% of the material that launched with the title. It set the bar. It set the bar high.
So pretty much, ‘Arrival’ was fucked from the get go. High standards, falling interest!
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Press Start!: Corporate Cock Slaps and Mario Trips Balls.
What’s up, fuckers! Dial up your compete level to ten and let’s get ready to fucking rock! Slap that pink polo on, scream at the stars, and as your hazy vision returns, let’s dance. This is Press Start! The column where we spank and jack and spit and vomit up five things in gaming that caught our eyes this week. I’ll show you mine, you show me yours.
Excelsior.
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#1: BioWare Developer Caught Reviewing Their Own Game.
This is a story stuffed to the brimming gullet with win. A BioWare developer was caught reviewing their own game, Dragon Age 2, on Metacritic. Already that’s pretty ballsy, since you know he had to know he would get busted. Nothing is sacred anymore, no one can hide. The sleuths of the internet illuminate anything. So Chris Hoban, posting as Avanost, reviewed his own game. But it gets better. Homeboy went out of his way to give Dragon Age 2 a 10/10, and said anything “negative you’ll see about this game is an overreaction of personal preference.”
Well done, Hoban.
Electronic Arts, not to be confused with a publisher with humility or regret, backed up their boy. A rep told Kotaku that of course “the people who make the game vote for their own game. That’s how it works in the Oscars, that’s how it works in the Grammy’s and why I’m betting that Barack Obama voted for himself in the last election.”
Of course.
Doi!
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#2: Judge Lets Activision Sue the Fuck Out Of Electronic Arts.
The NFL and the NFLPA aren’t the only two Rich As Hell Greedy Douche Titans slugging it out currently. For those of us of the nerd proclivities, we can watch as Electronic Arts and Activision deliver bodyslams, jackknife powerbombs, and stunning reversals to one another in the courtroom.
You see, back last year Activision canned Jason West and Vince Zampella. These two duders were the sultans of the Modern Warfare franchise, having founded Infinity Ward. In other words, they governed the flagship iteration of the biggest fucking franchise in measured existence. The reasons why they were fired is dependent on who you ask. But this much is certain, since their firing, Activision has sued Electronic Arts, West, and Zampella in some bananas $400 million interference suit. I can barely speak English, can hardly write in anything, and definitely cannot comprehend legalese, so the finer details are lost on me.
I can tell you that this week, a “California Superior Court judge has given the go ahead to an Activision lawsuit brought against EA over the publisher’s hiring of Infinity Ward founders Jason West and Vince Zampella.” Activision thinks that EA totally snagged their girlfriend in West and Zampella, and the lot of them intentionally botched MW2 DLC and some other ridiculous shit.
It’s entertaining to see these two monolithic entities pulling one another’s hair and shit.
Also In The Gaming Courtroom: Sony gets access to GeoHot’s PayPal account.
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#3: Super Mario Bros. Goes First Person.
First Person Mario is an animation dreamed up by Brandon Laatsch. The gorgeous early Spring breeze you may have felt on the Northeastern seaboard this afternoon was actually the thunderous thousands of geeks smacking their goo bits to the concept. It’s pretty fucking awesome. Laatsch has Mario running around the classic board, while achievements hit up the interface like a mix between Call of Duty and Bulletstorm.
Someone use their Gaming Geek Wizardy powers to make this come to life. I know you have it in you.
Also In Mario’s World: Mario goes indie flick at SXSW.
Final Mass Effect DLC ‘Arrival’ Drops On March 29.
Oh hell yeah! Mass Effect 2 is getting its final DLC ‘Arrival’ on March 29. This is fucking righteous for two reasons. Firstly, it’s more Mass Effect 2. Secondly, it’s hopefully confirmation that the motherfucking third installment is coming this winter. Hopefully. BioWare promised to bridge Mass Effect 2 and Mass Effect 3 through DLC, and it appears they weren’t stunting. The premise of Arrival is that Shepard is “sent to the edge of the galaxy to rescue an undercover operative who may have evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion.”
Fucking righteous.
Hit the jump for some teaser screens.
BioWare Caught Reviewing Dragon Age 2. Well, That’s One Way To High Scores.
Despite its flaws, I like me some Dragon Age 2. It’s repetitive, there’s like four locations, and fetch quests rule the day. Wait, I think that may all fall under repetitive. Shit. Shitfuck. When even Dragon Age 2 apologists like myself have some serious complaints, a company must do something. Developer Chris Hoban has done just that, taking to Metacritic to review the game. With a 10/10.
BioWare Hints At New Mass Effect 2 ‘Arrival’ DLC With Images On Facebook.
Only on Omega Level will you find an asshole blathering gibberish about Mass Effect 2 when a single screenshot hints at not a new game, but more DLC. But that’s what I’m doing. Fuck you! Remember that ME2 DLC, ‘Arrival’ that was hinted at in a patch or whatever? Today BioWare posted a picture on their Facebook with the overt hint, “New Mass Effect 2 screenshots have Arrived.” Hey, I get it, arrived! Like Arrival.
But still. I’m freaking out. I have an unhealthy obsession with the franchise.
Hit the jump for the picture.
Possible ‘MASS EFFECT 3’ concept art, featuring the Normandy and aliens.
This artwork by Robert Simons is either official Mass Effect 3 concept art, or absolutely fucking gorgeous fan art. What do you think, is this shit legit? It seems consistent with the concept art we’ve seen in the past, and it’s rather lovely.
Hit the jump for the gallery.
This Mass Effect 3 Fan Art Is Pro Mode.
Artist Patryk Olejniczak has rocked my tits with some ludicrously pretty Mass Effect art. The works, framed as promotional pieces for Mass Effect 3 are some of the best “fan” art I’ve seen for a game. Ever. Over at Kotaku, he’s quoted as saying his goal for these digital paintings was to “to make one of the best [pieces of] fan art (which would also work as promo or poster art) to be had”.
Well done.
Hit the jump for the gallery.
Mass Effect 2 ‘Arrival’ DLC Is Coming Soon! Praise Odin’s Gaping Eye Socket.
Mass Effect 2 was recently patched for the PlayStation 3, and said patch may have tipped BioWare’s upcoming DLC hand. Fuck yes! Want to know more? Hit the jump where the trophy descriptions have some mild spoilers. I’m spanking.
Clint Mansell Is Scoring Mass Effect 3. OMFGASM.
Clint Mansell is fucking amazing. If you don’t get down with the soundtracks to Requiem, the Fountain, or Moon – simply put: fuck you. Mass Effect is my favorite franchise going. Now they’re combining. They’re slopping their muck together, gooey awesomeness slathering the walls of my brain. Clint Mansell is scoring Mass Effect 3. Did I do something to earn this reward?
Dragon Age II Features Fellatio? Same-Sex Canoodling? Outstanding.
You have to adore the ESRB’s descriptions of games. Especially when it turns up all sorts of interesting nuggets. Take Dragon Age II for eample.. The ESRB went and did all of us a solid, unveiling some delicious nougats. Like fellatio. And same-sex hook-ups! Outstanding.
ESRB Description Per Destructoid:
During the course of the game, characters sometimes engage in sexual dialogue (e.g., “Why is it always about sex with you?” and “Sailing is like sex. Do it wrong, and it’ll make you sick.”). Players can also initiate brief cutscene sequences in which couples (male-female or same-sex) are shown kissing and embracing one another in a bedroom as the screen fades to black. In one cutscene, a woman kneels in front of a male character and appears to perform fellatio–there is no depiction of the sex act; the camera pans out to the rest of the room. The words “a*s,” “bastard,” and “sh*t” appear in dialogue.
I’m glad the Dragon Age series brings the same-sex thunder. It’s a great past time of mine in Mass Effect 2 to pine for Chambers with my FemShep. However, the powers that be saw to it that it was impossible to consummate a same-sex tryst. Fuckers. In Dragon Age? It’s all good.
In addition, I imagine in a game that encourages investment in an avatar as a logical arm of your moral and philosophical choices, homosexual gamers may be bummed out that they couldn’tactualize their sexual orientation in the game. So big-ups to making it possible.
That’s just me.
