Stallone Stays Kicking Against the Pricks
The Expendables 2 comes out this weekend and while it looks like fun, I’m going to wait for the DVD. It pains me to say this because I honestly love Sylvester Stallone. With Rocky Balboa in 2006 and Rambo in 2008, he revisited the two roles that made him one biggest stars in the world and ended a shaky lull in his career. These two movies led to The Expendables and a pseudo-ironic revival of the big-budget beefy action genre. Mr. Stallone is a busy man once again. But to me, he’s always been at his best when his biceps mirror his heart and his fierce defiance against the pricks in power.
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How we celebrate Nana turning 91 years old in the Omega family.
Rendar’s was actually more provocative.
We’re a corrosive element.
No grandparents are spared.
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ COME AND GET IT TRAILER: Jesus is it September yet?
Which dude has totally already ordered the Borderlands 2 Super Deluxe Vault Hunter Wallet Fucking edition? This guy. I cannot wait for this goddamn game. Every time there is new material dropped into the advertising gullet from Gearbox, I find myself chugging Diet Mountain Dews and tying my happy noose around my auto-erotic neck. Somehow I wake up in my car, covered in blood and animal fur. I figure this is more or less just a fantastic way to prepare for this title.
Terry Gilliam’s next movie is an existential sci-flick starring Christoph Waltz. Absolutely ++
Christoph Waltz and Terry Gilliam are teaming up to bring to life a goddamn existential science-fiction movie. Subsequently, these two wonky bastards have moved their glorious fingers lovingly onto my fanboy g-spot. Rub it real well, guys.
SpaceX found says we could have humans on Mars in 12 to 15 years. Bradburyboner.
Hell yes. SpaceX wizard Elon Musk says that human beings could be on Mars in as early as 12 years. This may very well be bluster and nonsense, but who gives a shit. Let me have this, you naysaying bastards.
Interactive app lefts you explore MARS yourself through Curiosity.
Goddamn amazing. Living on Earth got you down? When we’re not destroying the environment (whether or not you believe in Climate Change, we’re pretty impressive dicks to the Blue Marble), we spend the time fighting one another. Get the fuck to Mars if only virtually through this app that lets you explore the Red Planet through a panorama of Curiosity pictures.
Pow! Two galaxies throwing down in eternal headbutting contest.
These galaxies ain’t getting along. Ain’t getting along at all. The two of them are colliding, in a billions-of-years dance of death. Eventually they will reconcile their differences, to forge an uber-galaxy capable of bodyslamming anything in its way and acting way rude in bars.
Monday Morning Commute: Brain-Rot Glo-Screens, Synthesized Bubblegum Audio
“Ain’t even close enough to get me where I need to go.”
Rodrigo scrutinized the cup in his hand, sighing at the fact that there weren’t even enough coins to cover the bottom. Four hours at this goddamn shuttle station, and he’d earned no more than two dollars in assorted change. Which was a shame considering the lengths to which he was going to elicit the goodwill of the ticket-wielder passengers. He’d offered up the absolute cream of his milky anecdotes, skimming off the grimiest details about the mission to Saturn that’d first dented his sanity.
Gravity-maladjustment brain-bubbles killing crew members. Robotic death camps. Radiation sickness. A three-vagina’d Siren that forced herself on him and bore a son he’d later kill with a curling iron.
But nobody believed Rodrigo.
At this point, he was a week without a shower and even further from a clean shave. His fingernails were the color of rust and his breath smelled of sushi prepared in a bathroom stall overflowing with excremental exuberance. It didn’t matter that he still wore the boots from the Saturn mission and held onto the remnants of his helmet, without his DigID Card no one’d ever believe that he was Rodrigo Graham.
To the people walking about the Deimos Interplanetary Shuttle Station, he was just another space urchin.
As such, Rodrigo begged for change and the they kept on walkin’, content to gaze into their brain-rot glo-screens for updates every nano of the second.
shuttledelays.rodrigograhammemorial. civilunrestonearth. honeydon’tforgettopickupaquartofsynthmilk. livenudesfordeadsouls. superbowlreturnstohomeplanet. brutalstormsravagevenutiancolony.
And those that glanced up long enough to see Rodrigo’s desperate lips jabbering about still couldn’t hear the pleas. How could they? They were deaf with sound, ear-chewing on the synthesized bubblegum audio that piped into their brains without reprieve.
Rodrigo Graham was a hero of a human race that’d lost its humanity.
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Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! I’m going to detail some of the ways I’ll be getting excited about life during the next week. Then, you hit up the comments section and share your own strategies for defeating boredom!
Let’s do this!
Rick Remender and John Romita Jr. throw ‘CAPTAIN AMERICA’ into the depression.
Rick Remender and John Romita Jr. have the less than enviable task of following up Ed Brubaker’s stellar run on Captain America for Marvel Now! Brubaker brought a decade of pure rock, dropping outstanding storylines and doing the unthinkable. He brought Bucky back and it was awesome. How do the two considerable talents follow up on such a run? By going in a different direction.
