Google: F**k paswords. Let’s use an ID ring. Me: UH OKAY.
Fuck yeah, I want to use an ID ring to log into my kink.com account! Ain’t nothing going to make me feel more balling as I watch grown-ass males get their bottoms whipped by grown-ass females than if I did so through the magic of my own Green Lantern identification ring. This is the future, and I like it.
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Astro-Wizards find enormous river on Mars. Well, it is dead. But still!
So like, when we finally burn out all of Erf’s resources, we are piloting the temporal-rocket to Old School Mars. That’s what we have to do, given that I can’t think of any better solution. Oh, you say we don’t have the temporal-rocket. Well, I have it on good authority those who construct the temporal-rocket will leap back in time, giving us such technology. So we can leap further back. And so on, and so on.
Cosplay: Flemeth from ‘DRAGON AGE 2’ got that older sultry look going.
I’ve always had the hots for Flemeth, as she is presented in Dragon Age 2. All that silver hair. Her ability (I think) to turn into a dragon (I think) and give me a stiffy (I know).
Rumor: PLAYSTATION 4 is straight ditching the DUAL SHOCK
Well, shite! Who needs a tried and true controller layout, when a company can roll the dice on shoehorning some sort of shitty LCD screen onto a controller? Fucking no one! Sony is upping their game by downing their game, and the rumor has it they’re being led by the nose into altering their classic controller.
‘DIABLO 3’ director Jay Wilson steps down. What’s next, what’s next?
Jay Wilson was the director of the phenomenally disappointing (for me) Diablo 3. Oh sure, nothing could have came close to the second title. I admit that. Just like how after discovering I had a hairy asshole (hair! in my asshole?! puberty is cray), it was never really a revelation again. Still though, I anticipated at least playing the game more than once. For more than a week. So Jay Wilson, wherever you go, I don’t give a shit. Take care. Goodbye.
THE ROCK + Brett Ratner = ‘HERCULES’ in 2014. Oh, it’ll be a disasterpiece.
I like me some Rock. Dwayne Johnson. Whatever. However, Brett Ratner smells like twice-baked farts. Homeboy makes Michael Bay look like a fucking auteur. I said it! Come and get me. Pretty much anything that guy is attached to, I’m going to look at with a heavy slathering of skepticism. So with those two teaming up for Hercules, the outcome can only be prepared for.
Russia sending probe to the Moon in 2015. Red (Lunar) Dawn!
The Ruskies are sending “a probe” to the Moon in 2015. This can only mean one thing. The Illuminati are considering partnering up with Putin The Tiger Wrangler, in an effort to expedite the secret terraforming of Mars. They will meet him on the Moon to show him the secret launch base. It is obvious. Google it.
Russell Crowe says Superman goes ‘SUPER SONIC’ in new film, makes me want ‘MAN OF STEEL’ a lot.
The world no longer makes sense. Yesterday, I rode my dog around the block. You wouldn’t believe what I saw. A grandmother, wearing a Barry Hussein Is The Jihad t-shirt, breaking her teeth on a piece of frozen pizza. The world no longer makes sense. It is only in this sort of world where I can be sweating Man of Steel so hard.
Geekcraft: Repainted NINTENDO CONSOLES are hot. That’s saying something.
I say g’damn! Artist Zoki64 has repainted classic Nintendo consoles, giving them a lovely veneer. All shiny-shiny.
DmC: When Angels Die and Fanboys Cry
It’s perhaps only in retrospect that we can see just how contemporary Devil May Cry was upon its release in 2001. The frantic, accelerated combat mechanics represented an industry pushing hardware to have games play as we’d so often wished they would. It was fast, brutal and responsive. It also introduced the series’ main protagonist, Dante, into the gaming public’s consciousness. This smart-assed, pizza-loving, sharp-dressing demon hunter went on to become the archetypical ‘cool’ video game hero. Fuelled by perceptions of the contemporary taken directly from the worlds of Anime and perceived notions of western ‘cool’: Dante was a product of his time and being contemporary was his nature. So, what happens when your contemporary character isn’t quite so cutting edge any longer? You reinvent him, of course.
