‘THE RAID 2’ dropping NEXT MARCH. SMASH KNUCKLES OF GLEE.
Smash, boom, pow! Gurgling on own blood! Broken bones, broken necks! Smiles! Infinite smiles! You see, The Raid 2 already has a release date in the United States.
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Monday Morning Commute: A Fertile Heart Attack.
Absalom Fabliaux was halfway done with a breakthrough paragraph when he was interrupted.
“Haythaire, old man! Haythaire! Whatturya doing? Writing a poetry? An’ wireyou dranking Pepsi?”
Although Fabliaux found creative solace in the white-noise of this particular bar, he also knew that it was inevitably accompanied by crescendos of human detritus. Oily Three-Pieces clamoring about the day’s acquisitions. Stock Pirates tryin’ to sandbag tear-floods with shot glasses. Little Black Dresses guffawing their ways into Designer Pants, hoping to find wallets in the process. In this case, a Pie-Eyed Intern intrigued by the sight of an obviously out of place Miscreant drinkin’ Pepsi and punchin’ at a word-processor.
“Searsly, man, whillyu read me a poetry?”
In his younger and more vulnerable years, Absalom might’ve responded with a left hook. He’d had no patience for drunken curiosities. Many a tooth’d been spilled because of some errant remark to which offense’d been taken. This was, most likely, a symptom of the disease known as Self-Loathing, as Señor Fabliaux himself was once known as the most unabashedly drunken, incorrigibly inquisitive writers of his generation.
But with age comes patience, and there ain’t no doubt that Absalom Fabliaux was old as fuck.
“Son, I’m not writing a poem, I’m writing a novel.”
A vapid gaze spread into a smile. Pie-Eyed was excited. “A novel? Like a book?!”
“Exactly.”
“Oh shit! I usedta read books all the time, when I was a liddle kid…I haven’t even thoughta readin’ a book in years.”
Absalom took a hearty rip of refreshing cola. “Well, you should – there ain’t no goddamn experience like sittin’ down with a good book.”
Pie-Eyed’s head lolled from shoulder to shoulder in equal parts intoxication and amazement. This old bastard – who appeared more suited for dock-work or trash-disposal than word-crafting – had reminded him of a lost love. An affinity suppressed. A lust relegated to dreams.
Unprompted, Pie-Eyed leaned forward, tapped Absalom’s temple, and asked, “So, do ya got a good book in there?”
“I don’t know.” After a beat, the writer tapped his left breast, “But in here, I’ve got ex-wives and dead friends and missed opportunities. And there ain’t no ground more fertile for stories than this sort of heaviness.”
“Will…will you tell me about a dead friend?”
“You’re goddamn right I will. Barkeep! I need another Pepsi over here!”
—-
Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! As the navigator of Spaceship OL, I’m goin’ to chart an itinerary through the Pop-Nonsense Territories. After you check out the destinations I’ll be steering us towards this week, it’s up to you to hit up the comments section — where’ll you be heading this week? Comic Book Station? The TV Armory? The Cinema Sand Dunes?
In other words, it’s a show-and-tell danceathon for the Digital Nerd Crew.
Let’s headspin!
Buy These Flippin’ Comics!!! Special Edition – Best Comics We Missed in 2013!
Admittedly, I don’t get out much. More often than not I can be found in the bowels of Spaceship Omega, hiberbating in my nanotumblr chrysalis-tomb, forever scrolling through pictures of Kate Upton and 80’s pop-culture ephemera. Time well spent, to be sure, but it also keeps me well behind the game – the game in this instance being knowledge of all the greatest media the current year in pop culture has to offer. Oh sure, I know about the Sagas, Infinities, Prophets, and X-Menonites, they big guys, but what have I let slip through the cracks? What great funnybooks have I failed to verse myself in, and in turn, failed bringing to you guys? These past couple weeks I’ve shed the nano-skin, hopped in actual clothing and went outside to the local brick and mortar to find some of the best and brightest books I was missing out on in 2013. Wanna know what I found? Hit the jump and read on, kids!
‘ORPHAN BLACK’ Season Two Teaser Trailer: One of a Kind(s)
Early Christmas present, braj! It’s a teaser trailer for Orphan Black‘s second season. Not much in the way of footage, it still serves to spool up my excite!-glands.
VIN DIESEL is OFFICIALLY IN ‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY.’ Uhokaywhatever
Yeah, I didn’t know this wasn’t official already. Vin Diesel is in Guardians of the Galaxy. As Groot. Which we also knew. Pretty unexciting news. I was hoping he’d be Thanos. You know, drag racing his intergalactic space-ship against Andy from Guardians of Parks and Rec or whatever before throwing down with Tony Stark. Or something. It’s late.
SECOND VILLAIN in ‘AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON’ REVEALED
Hail! The second villain for Avengers 2: War Machine is Killed By Tony’s Tech has been revealed. The aforementioned villain’s reveal is courtesy of a casting call making the rounds.
Hit the jump for the deets.
‘DIABLO 3: REAPER OF SOULS’ dropping NEXT MARCH.
Devils be damned! Diablo 3: Another Bite of the Apple is dropping next March. Despite my general lack of enthusiasm for D3 proper, I am fucking stoked for this expansion. Blizzard took a proper beatdown overDiablo 3, and I’m going to be optimistic and believe that they have implemented changes accordingly.
‘AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2’ teaser poster promises SERIOUS STUFF.
It’s a poster! For Amazing Spider-Man 2! At this point it’s been sitting in my Feedly “Saved” folder for a few days. So uh, this totally isn’t me purging my folder of things I don’t care about anymore. This is a serious poster full of serious import that I seriously had to post.
‘STAR WARS’ HOLIDAY SWEATER brings the Wampa to Santa’s Time.
Yeah, you’re special. So am I. We’re totally unique in our ugly Christmas sweaters. It’s cool – it’s “cool” – but is it cool like a sweater featuring Hoth Luke and his Wampa opponent? Decisive answer: fuck no.
J.K. ROWLING producing ‘HARRY POTTER’ PREQUEL PLAY.
The Boy Who Lived Universe! continues to swell, and why should it? Potter fans want more, god dammit!, more! I am no one to begrudge them this desire. With every new Marvel or Star Wars announcement, my sad little gathering of atoms in my groin flare momentarily to life. Let us have our favorite universes into perpetuity.
