Finally, my tax dollars at work on something I can get behind. The troops deserve the most delicious of foods, and I think it’s objectively proven that pizza is that food.

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Let’s call it what it is – nonsense. But even speculating about nonsense gets me jacked+pumped+stoked+ready to stroke when it comes to the new Star Wars. Apparently maybe there is some Millennium Falcon concept art on a picture from the Lucasfilm site.

Hit the jump for the image in question. (It ain’t the image above.)

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C’mon, Gearbox Software! Fuck you, fuck your new IPs. You’re not working on Borderlands 3 right now? You need to. Don’t misunderstand me. I need you to. It keeps the glue in my blood-brain barrier from dissolving, which will let the omni-slugs into my rotting-piece.

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What could make me give a fuck about young Cyclops? Well if you’ve looked over at this week’s BTFC, you know it sure ain’t Brian Michael Bendis. But how about Greg Rucka? Dude is crushing it with Lazarus (helped on by the talented Michael Lark), so yeah whatever he feels like doing for the Big Two I’m instantly intrigued by.

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There is a Guardians of the Galaxy trailer coming down the pipe, so we should all be excited for that. However, what if we’re so excited that our nipples are leaking? Our nose is running? Well bad news — that means you’re probably dying and not actually excited. However!, if it is excitement, I have something to sate you. Some fucking GNARLY test footage featuring Groot and Rocket Raccoon opening cans. Of Dat Whup Ass.

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First half of this trailer: Oh man being Spider-Man is fucking glorious, I’m funny and my nuts are huge from radioactivity, things are fun. Second half of this trailer: LOL nvm mind that here’s a tonally inconsistent trailer being Spider-Man actually sucks, post script: everyone I love dies because I wear a leotard.

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Double-headed dragons of domination, right here. Oni Press has sent the Westboro Baptist Church “review” copies of their upcoming title The Auteur. The excellently depraved book (I can’t wait for the physical release March 5) is right up their alley. Or rather, Satan’s Alley where they seem to be sending us. So yeah — great move. Some easy marketing for a promising book, and hopefully inducing mass vomiting among the cultists who populate that damned estate.

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It’s Dumpuary for the movies – ya kids know what that is?  Films that otherswise would not be successful get dumped into this month for release in order to ensure some sort of profit.  So, though there can be diamonds found in the rough, most flicks coming out are pure gaaaarbage.  And while I don’t consider this week’s comic book releases to be completely void of merit, some weeks are better than others, ya feel me?  Call it a Weakday, maybe?   So I’m going to do my best to plug some of the more entertaining releases, plus shine a light on some of the cooler trade paperbacks dropping this week.  Hit the jump for all the patronizing pseudo-intellectualism you’ve come to expect from me, plus comics!

A full list of this weeks’s releases can be found HERE but I’m serious this week is pretty stale.

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Can you dig it? I can dig it! I’m all clad in leather, a gorgeous catsuit zipped halfway down revealing my oddly shaped nipples and chest hair! But it’s for a good cause. Nay, it’s part of a celebration.

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Johnny Depp’s technological theorizing ass gets capped, so they upload said theorizing ass into a computer. WHAT EVER COULD GO WRONG. Looks gorgeous, can’t tell if I’m intrigued or hate how obvious it seems. Surprise me, Wally Pfister. You’re already titillating my eye-socket orbs.

What do you all think?

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